Do I really have to send wedding announcements???

Question

My Fiancee and I are planning to elope in Key West. Are wedding announcements necessary?? We have lived together for a while and have already acculumated things that couples register for. I feel sending annoucements is just a tacky way of saying "Hey, send me a present please! But NO your not invited!" However my mother is insisting!!! Any thoughts???

Answer 1

You don't "have to" send them, but it's a good idea. When my sister and her husband eloped 15 years ago, they didn't send announcements and now even some very close family members think they're shacking up and not really married. Imagine 15 years after the fact having to tell your relatives "oops, I meant to tell you, but we really are married."

When my husband and I got married outside Las Vegas, we sent announcements in both English and Spanish to several states, Mexico, and the UK. I even put one in the break room at my work on the bulletin board and one in each of the bosses' mailboxes, so they'd know how to spell my new last name and when it took effect. We got a few congratulations cards but no gifts that we hadn't expected to get already.

If you really want to stress that you're telling them for their information and not asking for gifts, you could put a little card (like a business card you run through your printer) saying "In lieu of gifts, please send a donation to..." and pick a couple of charities.

I also put wallet sized wedding pictures with my announcements, and a through-your-printer business card with our new address, our email addresses, and cell phone numbers. I think that made it look more like we were giving something to them than they should give something to us.

By the way, wedding announcements are always sent after the fact. You can address them, stuff the envelopes, put the stamps on, but they should NEVER be postmarked before your wedding date. They should be in the mail the next day or later. (Ours were in the mail about a week or two later because we had to have the wallet pictures printed after we got back from the honeymoon. They were stuffed, addressed, stamped, then we just had to put in a picture, seal it, and send.)

They're phrased something like, "We are pleased to announce the marriage of Joe Groom and Jane Bride. They were married in an intimate ceremony in Key West on the 1st of January, 2007."

Answer 2

Sending wedding announcements is a completely optional thing. I don't necessarily feel this is a cry for gifts at all. You might send an announcement to appease your mom, along with a picture of you and your new husband, and a quick personalized note ot whomever you are sending it too. It would be a nice thing to send to friends or relatives who live far away. If you included a registry..now THAT is tacky, but a simple announcement is a nice way to share the news. If you absolutely do not want the announcements...how about a small wedding announcement in the newspaper?

Answer 3

I am getting married in a few weeks. I live on the northwestern coast of the US. The family/guest list are from these parts of the world: europe, east coast and south from me 13 hours away. One cyberpal lives in Malaysia, a penpal lives in Georgia and another cyberpal lives in Israel.

I shared your dilemma. Now, the thing we're doing is having the church ceremony in Europe and a local ceremony here on the upper west coast. That still leaves quite a bit of travel for everyone outside of those two areas.

I went with my first feeling that it's perfectly ok to announce the special occasion!!! It did take effort to push those feelings away that people are going to feel like it's a solicitation. Then I asked myself this: if any one of my friends/family were getting married in a place that I'd have to board a plane to get to and would ultimately decide it were a hardship to attend, would I still want to receive the invitation and be included on the list to whom this special announcement were to be made? The answer is YES.

Your Mum is right. But another difference between you and I is that I AM inviting all the people in my list no matter what part of the world they're in. I think it's just a bit different if you're not inviting them. So now I'm back on the fence...why not invite them? Is it because you're assuming they can't/won't come? If that's your assumption, ditch it and invite them.

I would feel funny receiving a wedding announcement, not an invitation. So now I've gone full circle. Hope this helps.

I think Sarolite is on to something....it sounds like great advice and it especially makes sense to send them AFTER if they're not invited...and the thing about including pictures so that you're giving something, very classy...

Answer 4

How about you send an announcement after you get married and say you eloped to beautiful Key West. Maybe include a picture of the two of you. That, in a way, let's people be a part of your special day.
Congrats!

Answer 5

You could, but I would STRONGLY advise you against it. There will be a very different thought process among the recipients. Before the wedding: "Oh, how nice to inform me of the wedding I wasn't invited to." After the wedding: "Oh, how nice they finally tied the knot. Good to know." I would also strongly advise that your announcements focus on announcing the marriage (rather than the wedding). The marriage is what matters, not the one day event they weren't invited to. What's this about a shower? Anyone attending the shower must also be invited to the wedding, so your concern is a non-concern. Anyone attending would know of the wedding anyways since they will get an invitation.

Answer 6

I don't agree that you would have to send wedding announcements at all. I have a huge family and everyone found out by word of mouth. Out of all my cousins that got married, I never received 1 wedding announcement and I wasn't offended. Wedding announcements should only be sent to people you sure are going to invite because that reminds them that they will have remember not to make plans for the time of your wedding. So if you do send them out, ONLY send to those you are definately inviting. Otherwise you WILL come off as just asking for gifts. By the way, this is YOURS AND YOUR FIANCES WEDDING, not your mom's. So she doesn't have a say in anything lol.

Answer 7

I wonder if announcments are a regional thing? I have never recieved one or heard of anyone ever sending them.

How about an announcement in the newspaper instead? That would help spread the word without the cost and effort of sending out individual notes.

Answer 8

There is a difference between announcements and invitations. When my mother got married she sent out both. Invitations are a request for your appearance at our wedding. Announcements are a "for your information" we are getting or have gotten married. (IE- Please change your address books as appropriate.)

I eloped to Vegas in 2000. Since it was Easter weekend when we got married we sent out Easter cards that announced that we gotten married and a pic of us together. We didn't receive any gifts nor did we expect any. In fact the majority of my family thought I had sent a joke card.

Announcements cards are for after the fact of an elopement. Go ahead and send them. You could do it as informally as postcards. It's just a formal FYI. They need to know you got married so they know how to address their Christmas cards.

Answer 9

Since you are opting to elope, your mom just wants a bit of the fanfare that comes with her daughter getting married. Realize too, she's operating from a different place in time
It's not necesary that you send announcements, but go ahead. It's the least you can do. And really, it is proper manners.

Answer 10

I have no idea. I've never sent any "wedding announcements" in my life, I just told everyone I was getting married, and that was it. I have never received a wedding announcement in my life, either - it doesn't seem to me like they're necessary. Just call or e-mail people you care about and tell them... this will be your "announcement".