I asked this question before-but I need new answers?

Question

Have a 7y/o son-Dad was a convicted felon(sold drugs)-he's out now-have new girlfriend(new girlfriend is causing drama)-He's seems to have not learned his lesson-he is not allowed to see my son unsupervised(son doesn't want to be alone with him-he doesn't really know him-but he's scared of him because he knows he was in jail). Just gave Dad the phone number-but now he wants to visit my home (we've met in public places before)- I said no-he thinks that I want him back and using my son as a pawn(THAT IS NOT THE CASE)-I explained how I feel about having his girlfriend around-how I feel about his same outlook on life and told him that my son is very uncomfortable around him- He just wants to do things his own way-I suggested we do what is comfortable for my son(he does not pay child support). I told him I do not want any drama in my and my son's life-I've told him I don't want a social relationship with him and we should just keep our talk about my son-he wants to be on a friend level

Answer 1

This situation is not as black and white as some would have you believe. Keeping them apart could cause resentment when your son is older, but your son's safety and well-being (physical and mental) are what's most important. You have full custody, so you have the right to keep the drama queen out of the picture. If he really causes trouble for you, the idea of child support might make him back off. The best thing for your son is for you to get along with his dad, and for him to build a relationship with his father--if his father is healthy to be around (no drugs). What about a session or two of counseling? A counselor could give you some concrete strategies to help you deal with this very large, ongoing problem. Much as you may want to just forget about him, he will always be your son's dad, and if he wants to be, always part of his life. If he wants to be friends, that's great. You don't have to socialize to get along and work together on what's best for your son. Trust your instincts and do the best you can. Put your son first--never in middle. And find some help or guidance from someone knowledgeable and impartial.

Answer 2

First, does he have any parental rights? If so what is the arrangement made by the court? I am sure this doesn't sound like a fun option, but if he is not paying child support you could always take him to court for that and then make them put restrictions on his visitations. However, if your son feels uncomfortable with his father perhaps it would be a good idea for you to be there and monitor the situation. Also, this would give you more leverage as far as not allowing his girlfriend to be around - being as it is your home. Just some ideas....hope it works out for you.

Answer 3

Keep on just meeting him in public places. Do not allow him to visit in the home. That will make him think that you are wanting him back. Do what is best for your son. Also I would start to see if you could get the courts involved with visitations and child support. This could make the father straighten up alot. Good luck with this.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing -- putting your sons wants and needs ahead of what the adults want. Stick to your guns -- no visits in your home, not visits with girlfriend and he is being a bad influence or your son is uncomfortable then the visit ends.

Answer 5

heres a simple way to get the girlfriend and you looser ex out of your life for good while protecting your son...Contact your local department of childrens services explain hes an ex/con and his life stile has not changed and you fear for your child during visits,explain that you supervishion of the visits is not safe enugf for eather of you and request social worker super vishion.Its farly easy to get and he has to pay like 30 to 40 dollers a visit and its in a play room with a social worker.Moore than likely 2 things are going to happen and im truly sorry for your son but he probly will not pay to visit your son and two he will go back to jail.Your bigest mistake was giveing him your number may i suggest you change it.God dont let him know where you live.Good luck and god bless you and your son

Answer 6

you havent actually asked a question about what you want us to tell you, so i will just give my advice about the whole situation.

stand firm with him if you dont want him to come to your home. always arrange to meet in a public place, this way both you and your son will feel safer. Let him know that you are not interested in being friends, and if he asks personal questions or makes personal comments, reinforce that by saying you dont want to speak about that and change the topic.

if he persists in his actions, tell him that you are uncomfortable with the arrangements, and that you want things to change. tell him if he wants contact with his son, he needs to pay child support, so you are going to see the CSA. also that you will get court orders that only allow supervised access, and that he is not to contact you unless it is about your son. i think you really need to get tough on him. it seems as though he doesnt think that you are serious, so you need to show him that you are.

good luck

Answer 7

First thing child support is for your son, not for you. My mother didn't collect it either, and I don't appreciate it. He should pay if you don't want to spend it put it in the bank for your son. If he doesn't pay he doesn't get visits. If you are not friendly with him he'll get the idea, i would think.

Answer 8

You are ENTICING the drama by talking to him and about him. You need to raise that son to be a MAN, he needs to see a proud parent not your whinning butt or his sorry one.


Just get away and concentrate on work and being a GREAT parent and forget about men.

Answer 9

I understand completely.......look da girlfriends is always the drama n trust me it's not him thinkin u want him back it's da girlfriend tellin him u're using his son to get him back......if he wants to take yo son out tell him u need to n=know da time place n u want yo son to call n e time he feels like talkin....tell him u WILL (demand) be checkin on yo son....u do not want yo son around his girlfriend and you would appreciate it if he obeyed your wishes if he can't then he will just have to see yo son when ur son is ready to see him.......now on da skeeza(girlfriend) tell her if she come near yo son u will beat her down!!!! she ain't his moma n u don't want yo son thinkin a woman is spose to be as triflin as she is-girl i ain't got no kids but i was wwith a guy with children n i helpped take care of them the mother left when they were just babies n they knew me as they mother but i always told dem to call me my nick name Lady but she tried to come back round n i had to tell her oof but eventually we had to let her see her kids cuz they r her's .............she was on drugs i didn't want them round that type of behavior.................o yhea n put his broke butt on child support, well only if u want him to be able to take yo child but if he on child support they automatically get to come in contact with the child so do wuts neccssary

Answer 10

I don't really understand what do you want answered. All I can say is if you don't want him at your house and you don't trust him meet him in public. Nowhere by your house in case he follows you.