Jokes, Do you know any really funny ones?

Question

Ok so I want to know some funny jokes that I can tell some 20 year old guy's that rock climb. So just put in any funny joke you know, thankies... or just really funny jokes.

Answer 1

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your
car........

Answer 2

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man replied "I work for the IRS."

Answer 3

A man standing on a cliff is looking out over a valley, when a man walks up to him. They engage in conversation, about life and how it sucks. Finally, the 2nd fellow says he'll jump if the first will, too. They agree, and the first guy gets almost to the floor of the valley, and flies back up to the cliff. while the 2nd hits the ground, dead.

Meanwhile, 2 campers in the valley, have been watching this go on all day.......one of the campers says to the other....."I wish Superman would leave those suicidal guys alone!!!"

Answer 4

A sailor walks into a barroom and sees a horse next to the bar with a sign on him "Bet $10.00 and make me laugh and win all the money in the pot on the bar" the sailor says to the bartender"Is that for real"???

The bartender says Yes sir, and no one has made him laugh yet..
So the sailor puts up the ten dollars, goes over to the horse and whispers in his ear. "Lo and behold" the horse snorts with a smile on his face...
The bartender cannot believe this has happened but gladly gives the sailor all the money in the pot.The sailor stuffs the money in his suit,under his cap, in his pockets, and into a money belt...

The bartender could not believe his eyes and then to start another dare he changes the sign to read " Bet $20.00 and make the horse cry".

After 2 weeks pass ,the same sailor comes into the bar and asks if he could try it again .. The bartender figured he can't be lucky twice and said sure, put up the 20 bucks....
The sailor did and asked the bartender if he could take the horse out back ,promising he would not strike or injure the horse in any way... The bartender told him if anything hurt that horse he personally would shoot him,and agreed to it.
After about 5 minutes the sailor lead the horse back in the bar room and it was very evident the horse had tears streaming down his face !!!!

The bartender was stunned at this and asked the sailor what he did to make the horse. laugh earlier and cry just now.....
The sailor again stuffing the money on his person said "2 weeks ago , i whispered that my dong was bigger than his, today I took him out back and showed him !!!!"

Answer 5

After dinner and a movie, Dave drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."

On their next date, Dave returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."

On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote, "Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends must part

Answer 6

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"
______________________________...


guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."




HHAAHAHAHHHA!!! =D

Answer 7

lol nice jokes guys

Answer 8

What do a fat woman and a brick have in common?

They both get laid by mexicans!

Answer 9

Otis, Ted, and frank were having lunch one day at work. Otis opened his lunch box and looked inside and there was a peanut butter sandwich inside of it. So Otis said I am so tiered of peanut butter sandwiches! If I open up my lunch box tomorrow and there is a peanut butter sandwich in here I'm going to kill myself! So then Ted opens his lunch box and sees a bologna sandwich inside and he says, "I am so tiered of bologna sandwiches! If I open up my lunch box tomorrow and there is a bologna sandwich in here I'm going to kill myself " so then frank opens up his lunch box and sees a cheese sandwich inside. So then he says, "I am so tiered of cheese sandwiches! If I open up my lunch box tomorrow and there is a cheese sandwich in here I'm going to kill myself". Well the next day at work Otis opens his lunch box and sees a peanut butter sandwich inside. So he kills himself. Then Ted opens up his lunch box and sees a bologna sandwich inside. So then he kills himself. And then frank opens up his lunch box and sees a cheese sandwich inside. So then he kills himself. Well the next day at their funerals Otis' wife is crying saying "he never told me he didn't like peanut butter sandwiches! If I had known I would've made something else!" and then Ted’s wife starts crying saying, "he never told me he didn't like bologna sandwiches! If I had known I would've made something else!" so everybody turns to franks wife. And she looks at them all and says, "I don't know what his problem was he made his own lunch"

Answer 10

Mickey Mouse says to Minnie "I want a divorce".
So she says "Are you ******' crazy"?
Then he says "No I'm ******' Daisy".