For the most part my guy and I have a really decent relationship. However we really knock heads on this one.... When I ask for something from him, he makes me feel as though if things arent done my way, then they arent good enough. For example... when he tells me he loves me he rarely looks at me, if there is any affection between us its because I initiate it,. I will get up earlier than him just to start the car for him just so it will be warmed up for his ride to work, instead of saying thank you, he tells me i shouldnt do that. These are just a few examples that leave me very confused, yet when I ask he says that he does love me he but because he doesnt show it like I do, he feels as though I dont believe him. There are times that I'm just left wondering how he really feels, because unless I ask, he doesnt go out of his way to make me feel special or loved, atleast not in a way that is obvious to me. So I guess my question is..How can I fix this without him going on the defense?
2007-02-08 06:39:49 · 17 answers · asked by amierob2005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Fix it? you cant change the way people are; maybe he really just isn't as affectionate as you are.He can still care just as much but not be as expressive as you. you shouldn't want to change him. you should learn to accept him.
2007-02-08 06:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by That Kid Zinc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there are some distance issues between the two of you. While it is natural for guys to have more trouble expressing emotion, his complete lack of emotion towards you worries me. The relationship may be sinking slowly, or it could be that there isn't much natural.. er.. spice in him. ALSO, there is the fact that people have different opinions of what love is. I'll bet you his parents were distant from him as a child, or something like that, and he grew up with a twisted view on love. However you want to perceive it's origins, the fact remains: There's distance between the two of you. You aren't treating him like a baby, but you are going out of your way. If he won't do the same for you, I'd say have fun sleeping instead of heating the car up: if he honestly doesn't care, you shouldn't either! Just don't forget to love him.
Good Luck with Mr. Head-in-the-clouds!
2007-02-08 14:48:32 · answer #2 · answered by Tall&Lovely 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
me and my girlfriend have the same problem. I hate it when my girlfriend questions my love for her and it makes me shut her out more. Often guys dont express their emotions like girls do because we dont find it necessary. I know it's silly but its just how us guys are. He does appreciate you and when he says you shouldnt do that about the car thing, he thinks he's being nice and saying thank you in his own way while telling you that he doesnt want you to have to go out of your way and do things like that for him to love you. Guys arent only looking for a lover they're looking for a good friend, so that's another place the no affection comes from, he wouldnt be all lovey dovey with his male friends. The solution; tell him what you want from him without nagging sounding like he's making you unhappy or like you're dissapointed in him. Last but not least, remember rome wasn't built in a day it may take time to see change but it's worth it.
2007-02-08 14:50:01 · answer #3 · answered by jmaxthemonster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like from your description that he is not comfortable showing emotion. This is usually a result of how he was raised and the amount of affection that he received as a child.
It also sounds like you are very needy and would enjoy constant reminders of his affection. This speaks to your insecurity and the need to constantly be worthy of his love.
You need to find out what level of space he is comfortable with and not go beyond that or he will start to see you as being too needy and will feel suffocated.
Maybe some couples counseling would help him learn to be more comfortable with showing emotion and teach you to be more secure and a bit less needy.
If not and this ends up driving you apart just remember there are lots of guys out there who would be very comfortable to be with someone of your personality type.
2007-02-08 14:49:12 · answer #4 · answered by aiguyaiguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're doing to much. Don't expect too much affection. A guy has different ways of expressing their love and even affection.
Talk to him about this. Ask him to be honest even if his honestly might sound like it would hurt you're feelings, he needs to be honest.
Give him a little space with the affection thing...most guys don't work that way.
2007-02-08 14:43:43 · answer #5 · answered by lotsofluv007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love & Defense, should never be used in the same Sentence. If you even have to think about it. You ain't looking at Love. You're looking at The "keeping him from being alone" Blues. Take it elsewhere. You can't be where there ain't any Love. Your Mind, Body, and Soul, is worth more than what he's offering. Which is total disrespect.
2007-02-08 14:47:07 · answer #6 · answered by Goggles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men express love and affection in ways that we women just don't understand. Try to recongize how he expresses his feelings for you and when he does those things, know you are loved. Other than that, tell him gently that you know he loves you and that everyone has a different way of showing it, but that you would feel the love more if he would express it sometimes in ways that you understand better.
2007-02-08 14:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good luck.
It sounds more like he doesn't understand what you need him to do to show his love. I would suggest him reading a couple books on communication. You two should pick them out, but my favorite is Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It is funny enough to keep the reader happy. It is a very informative book. You both Can learn a lot.
2007-02-08 14:44:17 · answer #8 · answered by Richard Bricker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop showing him up all the time... he cares for you and he doesn't want to see you putting out extra effort that he wouldn't expect to put out himself. If he doesn't want you warming up his car, then don't do it for him. Granted, he appears to be a fairly cold individual, but maybe that just means you're not as compatible as you though. The real problem I'd say he's having is the fact that you're doing more for him than he is for you and that upsets him.
2007-02-08 14:43:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys are just like that. He knows he loves you, but isn't sure how to show you in the way you need him to. Just be honest and open with him. Tell him almost word for word what you just told us. The key is to maintain communication about it. Season your words with salt.
2007-02-08 14:43:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys learn how to express affection by watching their parents. I don't know your guy's family history but if his parents were the same way he is, you are going to have a difficult time getting him to understand why you need him to change.
2007-02-08 14:46:02 · answer #11 · answered by lunatic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋