Why do people get in and stay in abusive relationships? One after the other?

Question

I have a friend who keeps going from bad relationship to the next. And she always call and complain to me about the physical abuse and asks me what to do. I always tell her to leave. That there is always going to be someone better out there. And that she shouldn't settle. She in her late teens and he's 40-something. He's been divorced 3 times, so now we obviously know why. Whenever she tries to talk to him about their problems, he refuses to talk to her and brushes her off. I have to hear about the same thing over and over again. It's hard listening to this, because I really don't pity women who stay in abusive relationships. I would never let any one treat me like that. I keep telling her to fight back or leave, she doesn't listen. She not even allowed to receive phone calls from friends, he checks her cell phone bill, so she always calls me. Or when I try to call she won't answer, but will call back later. He does work and support both of them...

But it's not like she doesn't have anywhere to go. She has family.

Answer 1

She has a VERY bad self esteem issue. In a messed up kind of way she seeks attention and unfortunately is satisfied with bad physical attn. Though their problems are bad they create an emotional connection. Eventhough theyre bad emotions she now has an amotional connection with this person and confuses it with love.

Answer 2

I don't think anyone can say exactly why women both seek out, and stay in abusive relationships. The most common reason is because they were abused as a child, either by their father, stepfather, or mom's boyfriend. The only way for them to fix the problem is to admit they have the problem and actively seek treatment for it. As her friend there is little to nothing you can do. You can simply let her know that you are always there if she needs you.

Just know that it will get tiresome hearing her ***** and moan about her problems. I've known far too many women like your friend.

EDIT: Having her own job and her own place won't help. Many women let deadbeats sponge off them while abusing them. Having her own home and job won't change the fact that she seeks out abusive men.

Answer 3

part of it is psychological and being told you are not going to find any better. Self confidence issues can play a roll. But the biggest thing is she has to see what is wrong and WANT to leave. You can not force anyone to do anything. And do not look down on her for it, be a friend and let her know you care for her and want her to be happy.

You could also file a police statement as too the bruises or abuse you see, that may help her to notice something is wrong. Try contacting a womens shelter in the area sometimes they can provide a safe environment for some one to hide.

Answer 4

First of all not all women can easliy get out of an abusive relationship. Do you realize all the aspects of abuse? An abuser will degrade you and emotionally abuse along with the physical. The Emotional part hurts worse and last longer. I stayed in my relationship for over a year. Almost 2 yrs. I realized a week after we got married that this was going to be a long road. He would not allow me to work or call home anything. He never hit me with a closed fist to justify him harming me. Long story short I did leave and he followed me. Did you know that the police in most cases don't care to be called on domestic issues? I did get away and had to go in hiding for years. He moved on after abut 3 yrs. Women who are emotionally degraded down to nothing get with other abusers because they sweet talk and gradually show their abusive sick side. SO, when I read questions like this I get so mad because if you haven't walked a mile in her shoes you just don't KNOW.

Answer 5

Most people get into abusive relationships because that's all they've ever known they stay because they think the person loves the and because they think the person is going to change the abusive partner always says sorry and then convinces the person that they are abusing that its their own fault so the person starts thinking well maybe if i don't make him mad he won't hit but the truth is the abuser will find any reason to hit the victim.

Answer 6

Bottom line, the abused person usually comes from a long line of abusers, possibly a parent abused her. She may not say so, but usually that is the start....especially the father. Since she grew up with that, that is the norm for her and what she sub-consciencely seeks out. Counseling will help. Her family may not be a solution, see above. She needs independence...her own job, own place, own idenity. She is young and may have time, but needs good friends like you. Read mags, books, etc, educate herself and seek help. Hope that helps.

Answer 7

Some women seem to attract all the morons. I don't pity anyone either that stays in this type of relationship. I would live in a box before I would put up with that...from anyone. If she chooses to stay, tell her she is on her own and don't call you anymore. SHE WILL call you, you can bet on it. Let's hope she wises up before he kills her. He is using her because he can and she is TOO young and stupid to know real love from this. She should begin to see the signs before she gets too involved next time.

Answer 8

I think women in abusive relationships are slowly brainwashed to where they feel trapped. I think they also have very low self esteem which makes it even harder.
I don't think they go looking for these bad people, I think subconsciously they are attracted to them for what ever reasons. Abusive people are very manipulative.
It's hard to know unless you've been in that situation. Just keep being supportive and maybe she'll get the courage to leave.

Answer 9

Mainly girls who are in abusive relationships get in one and when the finally get out of it they are emotionally stunned. When getting back into another one there is a fear of him getting more angry and beating her even more. Or she has this idea in her head that things will get better. Low self esteem and a want to be loved helps this. Your friend needs support and needs all the help she can get. You need to help her realized that she is worth a hell of a lot more then what she is giving herself. Tell her she needs to find a real man who will not hit her.

Answer 10

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, but I really feel sorry for you!! I too have a friend like yours and am just so afraid that one day I will get the call that she is dead, by his hands!! My girlfriend has 2 children that her mother is raising, the father of the 2 is in prison, he went on a 5-7 state robbery spree!! So my friend asked her mom to keep the kids while she got her head on straight!! He beat on her too!! Anyway, my friend, god she is drop dead gorgeous, friendly, outgoing...I live in another state, anyway last time I went home, she told me about 2 times in the ER cause of his abuse!, while I was there she came to my home w/2 black eyes her forhead all swollen and this had happened about 5 days before, but it looked so fresh and painful!! At first she talked about leaving him, getting her kids, then it went to she felt guilty!! GUILTY at what I asked her? not bruising more? She too has a family she can go to, she has 2 beautiful children that love and need her, but for somereason she puts this animal before all else. My father would say it is a self confident issue, and maybe it is but I think it goes deeper like maybe she has a mental issue, sort of like anorexics--you know, their image of themselves is very distorted! I sure hope someone has a good answer so your friend and mine and others out there can get help!! I will pray for you and your friend!