I can go in to this website and feel drawn to people i feel for them hurt with them.. but my teenage son can drive me insane with his antiks..... its like he knows what buttons to push.. and how to get symathy or make me madder than h*ll and he does it all on purpose.. what oh what can i do??????
he quit school.. wont work.. wont live with his dad.. or even ask his dad for anything.. is there ant suggestions
2007-02-08 06:22:04 · 12 answers · asked by nurse_driller 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he is 19 and quit school 2 years ago while living with his dad..
2007-02-08 06:41:45 · update #1
You don't say how old your son is but you need to sit down and have an old fashioned talk with him. No shouting, yelling, accusations. Write down points you want to discuss with him and use a lot of "I" terms. "I" am worried about you, "I" don't understand. NO ACCUSATIONS. You will put him on the defense and he will close down. Maybe he feels as if he won't be successful in these situations and chooses to not take the risk of being her. It sounds as if you and his father are divorced so he may not be very close to his father. Maybe he doesn't feel welcome at his father's house (stepmother, step-siblings?). Work up a plan and be supportive of your son. Help him fill out job applications or sign up for the GED, tell him you will help with homework, etc (not do it for him, just help), or is he eligible to go back to high school? He will feel better about himself when he has a solid plan for the future (take it a little at a time - just plan for 3-4 months out), each successful step will lead to another. Contact your local church for counselling or your county health department (they often have mental health counselling at reduced rates and family counselling falls under that). Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-08 06:35:54 · answer #1 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take control of your house. Your son quit school two years ago, doesn't have a job and he's still living with you? It's time for tough love. Take everything away from him (tv, computer, cell phone, video games, etc.) He didn't earn them so he can't use them. Let him know he has one week to get a job (his job right now should be finding a job--he should spend 6 hours a day looking for work). After he gets a job, let him know he has one month to find a place and move out. It doesn't matter if he's found a place or not---he's got to go. This is going to be very hard for you, but it's for the best. He's learned that he doesn't have to do anything and he has a place to live, food to eat and a pretty good life. Do you want your son to be a bum---that's what he is. He's learned to be dependent, now you have to do your job and make him independent. It's sink or swim time. He'll flounder for awhile, but stay firm and he'll make it. Be calm, firm and strong. Remember don't let him push your buttons and get the better of you----just walk away, don't argue, just walk away. Good Luck!
2007-02-08 06:53:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kimmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like the classic case of "other people's problems are easier to deal with". I totally understand where you're coming from. Sometimes your heart really bleeds for the folks on here, but when it's time to deal with your own problems, they are overwhelming and seem impossible.
Here is my advice: give your son an ultimatum. Since he's no longer a minor, he needs to start pulling his weight around the house - including helping with rent/mortgage, bills, food, etc. If he's not able to comply, then he's no longer welcomed in the house. Now, that only solves half the battle.
As far as the emotional turmoil that he puts you through, you might want to seek counseling. He was obviously not on the right track with his father (if he quit school and no longer lives there). You might want to seek a better understanding about why he does the things that he does. Of course, if you kick him out, you won't need counseling.
I wish you luck!
2007-02-08 08:54:13 · answer #3 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the son you raised and if he's not willing to do what you say under your roof then he needs to get out, let him live life his way without your money and roof backing him, he'll either sink or float. But learning responsibility comes from a young age, if you don't teach him then it'll be hell teaching him now. But as long as he's in your house you still have time. Teach him now, either work or school. He has to decide. You have to be tough. He needs his father around, and he can't refuse to do anything because he doesn't have a job. Move his but in with his dad, let him make a man out of him. Unless the father is no good then you'd be wasting his time. Good luck hon!
2007-02-08 06:28:07 · answer #4 · answered by April 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hear your frustration. When someone is looking for a fight and knows which buttons to push, it's hard not to give it to him.
Your son has mastered the art of manipulation. There are people like that in my life too. I was going crazy and I became physically ill because of the stress. I have an excellent diet and exercise program and was the healthiest and sick person in the hospital, all because of stress!
I finally ended up in the fellowship of Al-Anon. I learned how to stop reacting to manipulation. I learned how to set boundaries and to take care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually. Al-Anon has really saved my life and my sanity.
I wish you the best and encourage you in your search for help with your teenage son.
2007-02-08 06:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like he is doing this for your attention and you are right he knows the right buttons to push! So bite your tongue and and hold back your feelings and don't get mad in-front of him. Act in a completely different way he won't know what to think, just tell him if he doesn't go to school he needs to get a job and support himself. That's it end of the story and stick to it. No if, ands or buts.........The end of discussion, his choice. Make him realize you are his mom and you still make the rules! He is pushing you to see what he can get away with and he knows he won't get to that at dad's! Good Luck!
2007-02-08 06:33:45 · answer #6 · answered by Tigerluvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a few choices
1. Military
2. Trade program
3. GED
4. Do all the housework and every other odd job, take away any luxeries he has, tv, cable, phone, whatever , no job than he isnt paying for everything. move a cot in his room, take everything else out. That is all you owe him if that , oh and peanut butter and jelly for food.
2007-02-08 07:20:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can relate,because you're going through it too!But sometimes it is easier to help others then yourself.How old is he?Have you talked to your son about "house rules" the budget(let him know that food,clothes,rent,gas for the car,utilities=things YOU provide don't come free,and if he wants to stay with you.HE needs to help out!! Good Luck!!
2007-02-08 06:32:34 · answer #8 · answered by stressed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 12 year old and he has started with the hormonal It is all about me stage. I could tell you to tell to cut the apron strings and tell him to get out on his own, yea tuff love is good but who can bring there selves to do that to their child? Prayer will help, tell your son how you feel being honest with him could help. Good luck to you!
2007-02-08 06:32:52 · answer #9 · answered by stefanibrown74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it replaced into my Son i might attempt speaking to him, if there replaced into no excitement then i might drag his stupid butt to a place the place "junkies" carry close out and prepare him how he will finally end up. If that did no longer artwork i might save him to the Police. seems good on paper, yet might I or could desire to i do it surely is the question.
2016-11-02 21:55:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋