How to tell my family?

Question

I have a boyfriend that my family doesn't know about yet and he has proposed to me. There are a few reasons why I have been worried to tell them. He is almost 5 years older then me, he has a 10 month old daughter, and we live 800 miles apart. I need some advice on how to tell my family, especially my mom cause we are really close. Any ideas?

We didn't meet on the internet we met at school, but he had to move back home to take care of his mother after his dad died

I am 19 and we have spent a lot of time together he just resently moved back to Cali and we have been together for almost a year

Answer 1

Maybe you should allow them to met him before you break the news, that way they will see what a great guy he is and will be more understanding when you break the news to them.

Answer 2

Ok, first... slow down. BF is one thing, how old you are and if you ready is another. So, having many assumptions here, I will go forward with this thinking. You are both at least in your 20's. He has a daughter...hmm.. custody of her, or just a child by sperm donation/ child support type of thing. Again, I don't know, but yes, your parents will not like that. Second, how long have you two been dating, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years... ? I will lean toward years, because to marry with any of the other 2's is not wise. Lastly, 800 miles...OMG. How do you date? Gut feeling, if that far away, the relationship will not be strong enough for a marriage. If you and mom are close, why does she not know? That bothers me alot and makes me think this BF is a short timer. Bottom line, just asking this question, you know your parents reaction. That said, it is your life, but they are part of your life. If you have concerns and are worried about this, so am I. A. Tell your parents. B. Wait. An engagement should last a year or a little less. So, there is always time to give the ring back. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

If you really loved and believed in this man...none of those factors should matter..especially since you say you are "really close" to your mother....there has to be some underlying reason you are scared to introduce this man...it may be something you can't quite put your finger on...but it's there...trust me...it has to be more than what you have said here...
You don't say how old you are, but I am guessing quite young since you are grabling with an age and child issue...so it may be that you are considered too young to be in a relationship like this? You also don't say "how" you met this guy..how much "time" you've spent together (in-person)...but if the last two answers are "on the internet" and "not much" then my advice to you is to either try to find a way to spend some more time with this guy before you make any major life changes...or run the other way (which is what you most likely should do)..as you both may love the "idea" of each other, but reality will be a whole new ballgame..

Answer 4

PrincessK,
Sweetheart you are so young, I know you are going to take this as an insult but I assure you it is not. Personally I don't have any qualms about age differences. I have had boyfriends up to 12 years older and 13 years younger so to me the age thing is not something you should hang any weight on if two people love, respect & honor each other what does age have to do with it. The thing though I see is that at age 19 although there are 19 year olds who are very mature and some not so much you are still very young I know you are not going to ever see my point till you are 40 something like me. My point is you have so much time to get married don't rush in. I know at your age this is not your first love and I'm not saying it isn't real love I'm just saying marrage is a life long commitment and I don't think you have given your self enough life to make a commitment for that long.
The other issue is if you and your mom are that close and truely I hope you are then I think you need to talk to her as soon as humanly possible she knows you best Honey and loves you unconditionally and her advise is probably the best you could search for.
I hope any descion you make works out to be the best one for you.
Good Luck !
Goldie

Answer 5

I would tell them about the relationship as soon as possible. Explain how you met and why he lives so far away now. He surely can't be faulted for going back home to care for family. Then I would arrange for your parents to meet him and tell them then of the engagement. If they are shocked and a little uncomfortable, maybe you could have a long engagement. A long engagement will give them time to get to know the gentleman and become comfortable with the idea.

Answer 6

He is desperate and lonely. I think you should dump him and find someone else. You can do better than a single dad that lives 800 miles away. That's not even close to a real relationship.

Answer 7

Just sit them down and tell them the truth. Will they be shocked and surprised? Its possible but the truth has to come out sometime. Tell them asap and get your BF to meet them. Its always a good idea to get a second opinion from your parents regarding a man you haven't met yet.

Answer 8

I would sit down and tell my mom everything about him and ask for her imput and I would pay very close attention about what she says because she can advise you about the drawbacks of this relationship she will be honest with you because she loves you and wants the best for you

Answer 9

Why didn't you tell them from the start. What can they do about it unless you are under age. ???
Tell them. Can't keep him a secret forever. If you and your mom are so close, she'll understand.

Answer 10

sounds like you have been keeping this a secret for your own insecurities . if i were you i would tell your family out straight if you are so sure that this is the guy for you