Help us get our marriage back?

Question

We have reached the rock of the rock bottom and just do not see a way out apart from the obvious. Any help, suggestions or advice from anyone who has been through it? We argue all the time, always ends in tears, always about silly things. Its can't get any worse. Have been married for abt 2 yrs. Most of it has been in misery

Answer 1

decide between yourselves if what you have is worth saving or if you 2 would be better off alone

Answer 2

You say you argue about 'silly things'. Silly things are not serious so why has this became serious? There are couples who (hate to frighten you) are married 50 yrs and this constant arguing becomes a way of life. It gets to the stage where they know nothing else, carry on like this in front of everyone and everywhere they go. That's not a marriage that's a Life Sentence. Your marriage is very young, you say nothing about not loving each other which is unusual if you wanted to end it. I cannot really say I can offer you advice that has been tried and tested because I can't. When reading your posting it came over as if this arguing had came habitual ( could lead to type of life I previously mentioned) and although this is only a thought Could you set yourself targets as for example say "We will make a truce that for the next hour no matter what we will not argue" Don't remain silent but if you both keep to your word it will provide some harmony in the home. From there gradually build it up and who knows there may come a time when you realise things are so much better. Some form of good communication must have got you together in the first place. Just a thought!!! Sincere best wishes.

Answer 3

I hate to hear that such a young marriage is already in trouble, but I think there is hope for you. You said you always argue over silly things, so someone has to take the initiative to stop doing that. When he tries to fight with you and you know it's silly, do not fight back. Calmly say "look, this is silly, let's talk about this like adults".
Yes, it takes 2 to make the marriage work, but it only takes 1 to start the process. Be the bigger person, don't let the arguments get out of control, be the first to apologize and the first to get over it. It won't take long before he notices that you are not as easy to argue with anymore and things will calm down. That's just a start. If you truly love each other, try to figure out what starts these silly fights and then avoid those things or situations no matter what. Of course, counseling is your best bet, but this is a place to start. It worked in my marriage and we are extremely happy and close now. I think if he sees you trying harder maybe he will too. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

Hello there,

I know how you feel,my relationship has hit rock bottom after 8 years and two children.i am 27 and he is 47...i am more energetic than he,he wants sex every six months..and well..i do not think that is normal,he always has his face in the computer as he runs a buisness all day and at night time,his only exersise is to walk to the pub.I am trying to find a full time job and a house to live wirth my two girls..i can not live alone anymore.But there may be help for you out there in the form of "relate"..often we argue about money,sex,housework and other people who can interfere..what you need to do is get out of the house and away for a while with him for a day....when we are aout of the house we are not in the middle of the things that stop you talking.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

What do you argue about, is it something which is driving you apart?. Is it something which neither of you can compromise on?. things happen, and if you have enough feeling for each other, and you have deep attachment to each other, most things can be surmounted, although there are some things which are unacceptable, and need not be mentioned here. Tell yorself how you were before you met, did you have companionship, love,someone to go on holiday, someone who dont mind when you dont wear no make up, someone to love, instead of holding the pillow to go to sleep.Do you feel loved, protected, respected, you know it is childish to argue all the time. Splitting up loses one so much, the dream, the closeness, the companionship, and have you a network to turn to, if you go?

Answer 7

Obviously counseling could help. If you are in financial straits you can get free/reduced counselling from your local religous groups (Catholic Charities often has local counselling offices) or sometimes from you local county health department (marriage counselling falls under mental health counselling also). Why don't you both start to remember what brought you together in the first place. Go back to when you were "dating". Pick a "date" night - maybe Friday or Saturday. If finances are tight you could always go to the early bird special dinner and a matinee movie. When the weather warms up take walks and TALK. There usually is a common ground to most disagreements and that is where you two need to meet. Do you have a pastor or religious leader who you could talk to? Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

Honey, married only 2 yrs and you hit rock bottom?
I am married for 8 yrs and I could never say I hit rock bottom? 2 kids/ and a 3rd one coming. If I had tears every night and felt the need to ask strangers what to do ---------------Its time for a divorce. Is anyone cheating here? You say, most of it is misery , why not just tell him you want a divorce and see what his opinion is? Misery for most of your 2 yrs? DIVORCE.

Answer 9

Sounds like a communication problem. Also, stress can be a factor here. If either one of you is stressed about certain things in your life, you will take it out on each other, thus arguing about silly things. You have to ask yourself, problems aside, whether or not you love each other and if it's worth the effort. It comes down to each other's happiness. It also sounds as if there is an underlying issue between the two of you. If there is, resolve it, and see about some counseling. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

I have been married for a year, but me and my husband have been together for 6 years.
We've had our share of arguements and still do argue, the trick is to learn to walk away from the little arguements, otherwise they'll esculate into bigger ones and you end up drgging everything up.
Choose your arguement, if its about something that u have deep feeliings about stand your ground.
I shed buckets of tears, but if you can learn to communicate then things do get better.
If the marriage is worth saving then you'll both have to sit and discuss it, tell him how your feeling. If you both feel the same way about each other then you will get through andit does get easier, good luck

Answer 11

look back and decide what were your very best times, because you DID have them, remember when you were ful of exitement for each other because you WERE. then concetrate on them and talk about them instead of the negative.
i speak from experience that the first years are the hardest and when you are over them life settles into a comfortable easy life.
also believe me even though all people are different you are you and whoever you are with you will be the same person, often there is very little difference in the life when you have moved on than your life with who you are with, when a similar amount of time has passed. A new relationship is always more exiting for a period of time but life is a bit steady and can feel boring, but with al life partner you always have each other....its really nice