Son has girlfriend who uses him and is most likely bisexual?

Question

I don't want to do any damage to my relationship with my son. However he has fallen for a girl who seems to find her friendships with others far more important than his feelings. She openly admits that most of her friends are bi. My son is straight and I don't want to see him have to deal with more crap in a relationship than he has to. Not to mention, possible health risks. He is being used, oh she may like him but when his feelings are weighed against what she wants to do at the moment (gallivant around with her fiends more than him) his importance gets put on the back burner. My gut feeling is that if she were not bi, she would not be as interested in spending more time with women than my son. I think he is spending too much money and energy on someone who is taking advantage of his catering to her and her girlfriends. Needless to say, it is his first relationship he just started driving and has become a taxi cab en route from delivery to pick up between what is supposed to be his girlfriend and what seems to be her girlfriends.

Hm, I would like to add, that he lives at home and is in HS and she has started college. I may want to stay on each of their good sides, but I am very uncomfortable with his having sleep over company like this let alone if it may not be in his best interest.

Answer 1

unfortunately you are the "mom" oh dread the word! lol! Me too, and I had my son experience this almost identical situation. My gut feelings were right, yours probably are too. She will hurt him, she is using him, and he obviously has deep feelings for her, and no matter what you say, you won't do any good. You just have to be there, be honest and when the chips fall, be there to pick them up for him! Unfortunately it would be better to be his friend, then you'd probably get through to him, we are the moms so we are just the healers!

Answer 2

I commend you for your concern for you son's romantic affairs.

I have some advice, but I am not really sure if your son will take it.
Like you, I feel it is a duty as a parent to "put it out there", whether they will listen or not.

I had a cousin who was in a situation like this. It turned out that he liked women who were "bi".

One lady used him to try and stay in the country and not have to return to Trinidad.

Various members of our family had to explain to him that just because you are attracted to a woman or in love with (whomever she is - bisexual, tall, older, one-legged), does not mean that you allow this person to take advantage of you.

Also we told him that if someone is not wanting to be around you very much it is a sign of lack of concern for you.

These are lessons many people have to learn, not just your son, so let him know that having this problem with this girl does not make him the Lone Ranger.

Be sure to come to him in a good way, like after you all have done an activity together or when you all are in a "sync" kind of mood.

Let him know just what you said on this question board, that you don't want him to have complicated affairs and you love him.

Just remember that he may not listen to you. The gentleman who answered you earlier was right. Sometimes people just have to see for themselves. My cousin did take a look at his relationship with that lady, but only after we had told him all this several times. It may be worth talking to him, say twice. Just not so much that you can't ever talk to him again where he is like "Oh God No! He wants to talk again."

As I said you can only put the information out there...

I will pray for you and him and the girl. Bon Chance!

Answer 3

This is kind of an odd suggestion but maybe you could do the opposite and just play down the relationship like it's no big deal. (don't be rude or mean about it/her but just don't respond with as much emotion- more like "OH, that's nice" answers) because he will soon grow sick and tired of the relationship with her and if you have been telling him the whole time he shouldn't be with her he will be upset and embarrassed that he didn't listen to you and might actually stay with her longer (even after he realizes that he shouldn't) because he doesn't want to prove you right or have to listen to you (which kids will think regardless of what you would've actually done). However, if you are really worried about pregnancy or health risks then you should try now but don't try to force him to break up with her. It would probably be better to explain what you think but say something that makes him know that it is his decision. If you force him to break up with her he probably wouldn't anyway (until he is ready) and it would just hurt you guys' relationship. But of course, you know him better than us so take some of these ideas and modify them to fit your situation!

Answer 4

The girl isn't the problem...he is. She continues to use his services, because he allows it. He's insecure about himself, and rather than risk losing her(not like it's a big loss)he bows to her whims. Women are not attracted to weak men by nature, which is how she sees him, so she'll get bored with him soon enough. As his confidence grows, he'll be less likely to put up with this kind of situation...but for now, about all you can do is grit your teeth, and wait for him to get that taste in his mouth. (you know, the one that you can't wait to spit out?) He thinks he loves her, and he's trying to win her approval. It will flame out on it's own, but probably not before he gets his feelings hurt.

Answer 5

I understand your sadness. I'm a mother too. The more you interfere, the more he will want to be with her. He must learn for himself. Step back unless he is underage. Then, if his car is in your name, you can take it away from him. If not underage, leave him alone.

I will tell you that I am a Christian, and I know that God helped me with my children. There were many times that I had to go to Him and rely on Him to take care of the problem. He did. They are all three grown now, and good people.

Answer 6

He needs to learn by himself. Don't intervene and eventually he 'll come to you for advice or realize it himself. He could be mad at you forever if you tell him how to control his lady-friend or his relationship. Don't you think he knows if shes bi, instead of feelings just in the gut. This is step into life and his mistakes that will teach him how to pick the right one.

Answer 7

How old are your son and his girlfriend? How do you know the girlfriend is bi? I think your son will figure this out on his own. Just give him your love and support.

Answer 8

I think you should talk to your son, it sounds like that to me too. I can see her spending time with her friends but not like that. Your son and her should spend time alone without her friends unless they are not really dating each other. I would advise my son, if I had one, not to use his car for a taxi service for them and I would explain this situation to him like you have explained it here on Y answers. He'll probably get mad but at least you have told him and now the thoughts will be in his mind. Perhaps he will think a little on the situation himself.

Answer 9

He's going to have to learn his own lessons. Believe it or not, your son may think her being possibly bi is hot. Many men do. Rarely do teens listen to their parents. So, just preach to him about safe sex if you think he's doing that and hope for the best.

Answer 10

it looks like a very sticky situation to me.i admit you may have a problem and your position i would be worried too.perhaps you should talk with a clergyman.it would at least do no harm