If I lack empathy for others i.e. I don't feel their "pain" - does that make me a wicked human being?

Question

I consider myself to be very fair and liberal on almost all issues under the sun - but today, a coworker remarked me "you don't understand the other person's point of view - you don't feel in his place" - what the heck is that? I am in my place and he's in his - why should there be any need for understanding his pain - that's his problem isn't it?

That day someone told me, "My Mom died recently" - all I said was "That must feel sad" - now she got offended terribly - was I being unempathetic?

There was a French guy in my office where I worked before - once I tried to converse with him in my school French - although taking great care, I made some PRONUNCIATION mistakes - there you go again - I was accused of being insensitive and unempathetic - WHY? Because I ought to have apologized to him for my poor knowledge of French before DARING TO speak in his mother tongue.

Anybody has had similar experiences?

Answer 1

No, F them and everyone that looks like them too. I don't care about others problems..... I got my own to deal with. I got a F/T kob, A Family, and a Home to worry about. I don't care about why toothless Joe is homeless, or African kids are starving.....I'm trying to keep my own kids from starving..... It's BS people in bad situations expect peoples pitty and sympathy... You got yourself there, get yourself out and stop bothering me

Answer 2

I would not go so far as to say you are "wicked." That said, you live in a social world, whether you like it or not, and learning some empathy will help you be more successful in that social world. "That's his problem" will definitely be YOUR problem when you have no love, lose your friends, or you get fired. There may be psychological reasons why you are the way you are, though, and they may not all be your fault. If you don't care, then so be it! It's your life, and you'll have to deal with the consequences, good and bad. If you are concerned how this is going to affect your future, however, then I highly recommend talking to your doctor about it and getting an appointment with a psychologist.

All that said, I think the French guy was over-reacting, but maybe it was because of your history of empathy-lacking. In any case, it is NOT your fault of someone is overly sensitive, but a smart person would do their best to accomodate someone like that to a point. It's just common sense. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck! I, for one, don't think badly about you based on this little bit of information. You are what you are. Just make sure that what you are doesn't get you in too much trouble!

Answer 3

“Is it obvious the time period we are living in, called "the last days”? No it is not obvious nor do I believe we are in the ‘last days.’ So, a few things happen, particularly with the weather and one not only sees it as a bad omen, but also scripture fulfilling itself. The weather has for millennium and will continue to have bouts of aggression with its floods, earthquakes, and the like; it is a cycle in nature, a pattern reemerging. Others signs might be wars, famine, disease and the like, but these also are reemerging signs. Moreover, ‘days’ imply just that - ‘days,’ when the pattern has found its form; to be sure its barely in its infancy, it will happen in days, but those last days are many, many years off. There have always been selfish times, during the height of ‘free market economics’ selfishness had its boom years. The problem is that the selfishness of the boom years has stayed with us, just as its economic failings and greed has. There have always been those who have and those who have not, those who desire more and those who desire what is not theirs. Signs are everywhere, what signs exactly, like those signs mentioned above, signs can be quite ambiguous. The Battle in heaven has already been fought as can been seen in Revelation, this battle began when Christ died on the Cross, and for three days He fought with Satan and defeated him and then rose again at the end of the third day. All on Earth will see the next great battle. Nor do I believe the World is under the control of the evil one, if we as Christians say such, then we give power to him who should not have it and we forget our free will and in consequence, follow a wrong path, but no one made one follow such and such a path. The gospel is hid to those that are lost, then as Christians we must make known the gospel that is hid, so the light may come out from under the bushel and shine on all who are receptive to receive it. And should their minds be truly closed, then by all means close the book, but where Satan has closed a mind, God can open it. Finally, I would just add that when the ‘last days’ are with us, we would most certainly be fully aware of it, and those days are not with us yet. Edited on: Catastrophes have happened for millennium all over the world, if it wasn’t war and the destruction it brings, it has been the weather and the destruction it brings. Since recorded time there has not been a single century without a war somewhere on this planet; nor has there been a single century where the weather had not seen some extremes. I would say that is pretty worldwide and abundant. In the two readings on ‘Figs; Luke 13-6 and Matthew 21-19, there is not a hint of any ‘time-period,’ nor of any impeding danger on a catastrophic scale of which scripture speaks.

Answer 4

I don't know if your lack in empathy makes you wicked, but it does make you cold. If you don't feel for the people who are in pain, then perhaps you should just keep your mouth shut. I couldn't imagine not putting myself in other people's positions. It makes you a better person for it. How else are you going to know what the other person is going through. Again, if you have nothing helpful to offer someone who is in need or grieving, then just don't say anything at all. Believe me, they will appreciate it more if you are silent than if you open your mouth and say something insensitive. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 5

Well, I'm the same way. It's nearly impossible for me to truly care about the pain of someone who is a casual acquaintence. (At least individually) I think you have to have a certain amount of immunity to others' pain, or you can't go about the business of living, which requires a lot of time, emotion, and energy. I think to effectively deal with your own life, and the people that are intimately involved in it, you have to have a sort of reserve. I don't have enough patience and understanding to go around if I include everyone I come in contact with, so I just remain polite. I think that's the best most people can do (without raising their stress levels, blood pressure, and becoming depressed.) There is a lot of pain in the world. That's just fact. It's human nature to hurt, just like it's human nature to protect yourself from it.

Answer 6

"I am in my place and he's in his - why should there be any need for understanding his pain - that's his problem isn't it?"

Sometimes, understanding somebody else's position helps you to decide what to do. In the case of the French speaker, it helps to know that some people from France are very protective of their language, and will be very offended if somebody speaks French poorly.

Lacking empathy doesn't make you wicked. It's a learned skill, and some people have a harder time learning it than others.

Answer 7

Empathy means putting yourself in the shoes of others with difficulties or problems. If you cannot feel their pain, you will never be a successful leader in school, at work, or anywhere else.

When you have a particular point of view, you need to understand the opposing point of view as well. Life is not just all black and white--there are a lot of gray areas that need addressing.

"That must feel sad," said to a co-worker who has just lost her mom, was really not enough. You did not put yourself into it at all. You should have been supportive to that person.

You really should have informed the French guy at your office, before you spoke--that you had limited, high school, experience in the language--that would have avoided his being offended.

We all put our foot in our mouth at times--but you really seem to need a course on how to speak and act around people. You need to learn to think before you speak (or act). I really hope that you are not in charge of other people at work--if you are, you need to take some management courses.

Answer 8

I think you're flogging your self for something you can't do anything about. You can't make your self understand someone else. I actually think listening and nodding are good and then repeat back so they know you heard. Lol I'm going on a basic counselling course over the next couple of months so I might raise this again when I am educated to the required standard lol when I will be uniformedly understanding to the rest of mankind. Yikes praps I better not do it. I may become an automaton.

Answer 9

Empathy is about delivery and presentation as much as actual content. The French guy should get over himself, but perhaps "sad" is not adequate for the loss of a loved one. Sometimes a look is enough, but people can be over-sensitive too. Just be a little more delicate and don't say something just to say something (if you know what I mean).

Answer 10

hurmmm.... u should react what most people would react in those situations like in the 1st u should accept the guys' suggestion that u need to hear other ppl's view.. in the 2nd situation u should show that u r sad for the guys' mother's death... u can be yourself but the problem is u might end up having enemies and less friends like what i experienced before... I used to be very self-righteous and all but it's hard to have enemies... LOok at rosie odonnell for intance, she's outspoken and she's very insensitive ... She's juz being herself but she makes a lot of enemies being herself... so it's really ur choice...if u can live having enemies then, u shouldnt bother changing urself...or at least pretend...

Answer 11

I think that you discribe yourself as someone who isn't ruled by their emotions.You are possibly the one who keeps his head when every one else loses theirs.
The French insident is more to do with manners not empathy.Its considerd polite to apologize in advance for not being fluent.
The Mom died incident well here is a classic example of "maybe" your ignorance as to what this greif meens to this person.Yes you wasn't empathic but you really don't have to feel it to know that this person is in pain.Bad choice of words!!
Maybe on the whole we need to feel pain to understand it and usually its from our own personal experiance that we are able to "feel" or understand they way a person feels or could feel as a result of our some what unsympathetic or unempathic reation.