As a Parent am I too strict???

Question

Ok, So arguing with girlfriend at the min. She thinks i am too strict on kids and dont allow them to do anything. I believe in the following is this to strict?

Children should not climb in the Kitchen
Children should not Swear
Children should not hit adults when being told off
Children should not help themself in the fridge (three year old)
Children should not throw toys in tantrums
Children should not show agresive behaviour when being told not to do things
Children should say please and thank you
Children who throw tantrums when they want something dont get the things they want.

My punishment for most of these would be time out and told why they are being put in the time out etc and the right way to do things the next time. Obviously this wouldnt apply to all. Please tell me i am right in this? Clear Boundries and rules need to be set so a toddler dont walk all over you right?

Wow. Wha a response so far. I didnt think i was ding such a great job was just being natural. My girlfriend jst seems to find excuses all the time for his behavour and it frustrates the hell out of me.

Answer 1

Sure - all that sounds perfectly reasonable... in an ideal world! The trouble is that children can run through ALL of those bad behaviours in about half an hour, and if you choose to enforce punishments for each transgression, you're going to have a very miserable household, and one where bad behaviours escalate all the time, until there's a prevailing attitude of resentment and hostility.

Pick your battles, prioritise which are the most serious offences and use time outs for those. Practice a little selective blindness - kids are going to get frustrated, and sometimes the only way to express themselves is to get angry, surely they're allowed that the ODD time. No need to pounce on them for every little thing. Apply a 'pass' rate for behaviour - yes, they should say please and thank you, but if they do it 80% of the time, wouldn't that show that they get the gist of the thing, and will improve as time goes on. You want them to be civilised adults, and safe as children, not little robots.

You don't say, but I presume these are YOUR children??? If not, you're on dangerous ground when it comes to imposing your standards on someone else's children - that's a whole minefield, with a very rocky road.

Answer 2

Thank GOD i'm not the only one!! My kids "walk the line". They have been taught what kind of behavior is disrespectful and wrong and they don't seem to get into trouble either at home or at school. As a matter of fact, people are always asking me how I got my kids to act so well. It's because NO means NO ~ every time!!!
Clear boundries is what you have to set in order for them to have respect for you and trust you in the long run. Kids actually don't like being able to run a muck. The rules for my childrens friends apply here as well. If they have a friend over and they don't show respect and follow the rules, then I tell them exactly what I expect and i'll send them home if need be.
For some reason, my house is the house where all the kids want to come and hang out. Maybe it's because their own parents don't pay enough attention to them or take the time to teach them what is right and wrong.
You are doing right by your children and I bet they know it. I know that my kids will hear some kid mouth off to his or her parents and my kids will ask me what's wrong with the brat??!!!!
It started from day one with my kids. There has never been exceptions to any rule.
Good for you!!!!!!!

Answer 3

You're TOTALLY RIGHT!!! So many kids today run amok - have no rules or disipline and are a handful. If your child has a clear expectation of what behavior you expect when and what you will and will not tolerate, you shouldn't have an issue like those people who were thrown off the airplane in Boston. I think the earlier you start to instill these ideas, the better you are in the long run.

Children will test the limits - they all do - and if they find a consequence for breaking the rules, chances are, they won't do it again.

BUT - that said, you have to pick your battles too. If you find yourself in a wrestling match every day because your child doesn't want to wear matching socks, then I think you've gone overboard. But if you punish your child for swearing at the dinner table, that's another thing entirely.

Answer 4

You are absolutely right. Children do things often to test the boundaries-see just how far they can go. Any caring parent will set limits and mete out punishments for bad behaviour to teach the child what will and will not be accepted.
I have a 7 year old,and I've always used the time out with an explanation of why she was being punished method-along with the taking away of privileges when called for. And for the most part,she is very polite and well behaved-and happy!

Answer 5

You and your girlfriend need to show a united front. Agree on a way of disaplining your children that you both agree with. You arent been strict but your girlfirend may have had a past experience with adults that are too strict. Talk to her about how you are only looking out for the kids and you dont feel comfortable in the arguments that happen because the child doesnt do what its told. Have a good conversation read some books and articles. And Good Luck.

Answer 6

My wife and I have the same arguement as this about our 3 year old. She thinks I am to strict and I think she is a push over. What I have started to do is be more like her, and so my son now acts like a complete A-hole all the time, and she is now forced to be more like I was, because he is a momma's boy, and is always up her butt when she is home. So if she wants to get anything done, she HAS TO discipline him or she will be basically annoyed to death. This is actually working, and my wife actuall said I was right.... it only took a few days of him actually doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted for her to give in. Now we both discipline him, and we are fairly strict...he's only 3, he has no idea what is right for him, and absolutely no impluse controll. And he is going to Kindergarden in 11/2 years, so we need to make sure that he will behave and be polite when he is not at home. BEING STRICT FROM THE AGES OF 0-4 MAKES LIFE SOOOOOOO MUCHEASIER FROM THE AGES OF 5-FOREVER.

Answer 7

Well done you! I believe you are saying all the right things! If children are allowed to get away with unacceptable behaviour they won't learn right from wrong. Discipline is the key to bringing up children to respect people and their surroundings. I was bought up to be polite and respect people. I have exceptional manners and my children were often congratulated for theirs too. (They're 15 and 17 now and show great respect for others, be polite etc). Keep up the good work, show the missus my reply and I'm sure she will agree. A little work now goes a long way towards the future.

Answer 8

I don't think you are too strict, but I do think you are suffering from a lack of communication with your partner. this issue needs to be discussed in a calm and peaceful manner, and the boundaries agreed on so that your children have some consistency. You are right to say that the boundaries need to be clear, but unless you both use the same ones then the children will play one parent against the other all the time.
talk to your girlfriend instead of arguing, and don't dictate to her either. If you work and she don't, she will have to lay the foundations of this down.

Answer 9

seems like you have parenting down to at. Keep up these rules and you should grow up with well behaved children. These are the same rules my husband and I use for our two children. there is the occasional fight over toys but they always end up after a short spell on time out saying sorry to each other and giving hugs and kisses!!

Your girlfriend needs to set some boundaries or the children will walk all over her. And will start misbehaving with you too if they know they can go running to mum and get what they want that way!!

Good luck and keep up the good work!!

Answer 10

Wow, absolutely right in my opinion, well done for standing your ground! I have a two and a half year old and think that she should learn behaviour which will help her in later life, and be able to integrate in the adult world, and I know she will thank me later.

Too many parents struggle to teach their children manners, and then the naughty kids annoy others and give the rest of them a bad name.

I know there will be incidents as my daughter learns, but ultimately all that I can hope for is that she will become a balanced person who knows how to respond when things don't exactly go as planned, without being aggressive or throwing tantrums when she is an adult!!