It's kind of a dilemma but not. My son is 2 1/2 and the child that takes toys from him is about 6 months younger, but more aggressive than mine. Everytime my son picks out a toy to play with this other boy comes and takes it away from him.. it literally can happen several times in a row. My son cries and makes a fuss and I try and distract him with another toy to play with, and then this boy will take away the toy I just gave my son. The other boy's mother does try to intervene as well, though I wonder if this is a situation where we should at this point try and let them figure it out on their own instead of intervening? My son needs to toughen up and the other boy needs to learn not to take from others.. though the other boy is younger and probably doesn't know better as much as my son?
2007-02-08 05:18:05 · 21 answers · asked by jimpru_perkins9801 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Hey I just wanted to clarify that the other mom is trying to help out too.. I just feel bad that it's always happening for her as well. I liked what one woman said.. take the toy gently away and give it back to Nathan and then give the other boy the new toy. I think I'll try that.. I just don't want to overstep my boundaries with another person's child as well.
2007-02-08 05:39:51 · update #1
oh and when I said toughen up.. I don't mean not to get upset.. I mean he needs to learn to decide if the toy is that important to him, then maybe he should try and take it back? but not in an aggressive way or just find another toy.. does that make sense at all? I guess it's probably too early to ask him to do that completely.. but maybe there are some times we should intervene and yet sometimes we should wait and see how they work it out themselves since no one is getting hurt physically?
2007-02-08 05:42:50 · update #2
Then there are times after the child has taken a toy, that my son would go back and get the toy back and then he'd come up to me proudly.. I got it! lol! He's pretty cute! So for those who are suggesting a poke in the nose.. it's not at that point...it's just an irritating little thing that I wonder how the best way to deal with it. My older son didn't care if a toy was taken away from him.. he'd just naturally go on to the next toy.. because he didn't get attached to what he was playing with.. this one is different.. it upsets him horribly when it happens. Though my older son does get upset now if his younger brother takes things from him!
2007-02-08 05:49:56 · update #3
He is too young to work out this problem without some guidance. Some have suggested that you take the toy away from this child when he takes it from your son. This will not teach him to problem solve and will not work. If you teach him to find something else or distract him, he will not learn how to get something back he was using and still wants to use. If you start now teaching your son and the other boy to problem solve on their own, it will be much easier for them to do so on their own.
I have taught preschool for over 12 years and have learned that it is better for them to work out a problem for themselves with a little guidance. Say for example one child takes a toy from another, I will say "It looks like “Adam” wasn’t finished with that. It looks like you both want to use that (state the problem). Only one toy but two people that want to use it." The children will often say things like “Mine” "I had it first! I want it!" I then empathize. "I can't tell that you really want that. It's very (upsetting, frustrating, making you angry) that “John” took it from you." I let them vent a bit then say "What can we do about this?" Sometimes they will problem solve on their own, other times they need some help. I might say "I have an idea! When “John” is finished with he can give it to you”, or, “How about “John” uses it for 3 minutes and then you can use it?" I know they are a little young, but they will soon get the idea with some guidance. This approach works very well. Always state the problem, empathize (A little empathy can go a long way. You are just empathizing, not joining into the problem.), validate, and help the child identify their problem, restate their ideas to fix the problem, help them to carry out the solution. Spend less and less time each time. After the children figure out that you won't solve the problem for them, they will get much better at solving their own problems. It takes some practice and active listening, but it works!
Do some role playing with your son at home. Teach him to express his feelings with you when you take something from him. Teach him phases to say to the child who takes things from him. With some instruction, he will be able to do so on his own.
There is a great book by Eleanor Reynolds called "Guiding Young Children." It will help you help your son learn to solve problems in any given situation. Check it out! Good luck!
2007-02-08 06:18:09 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The other child weather younger or not needs to learn its not ok to take toys from other children and this needs to be reenforced all the time for him to learn. Your shouldnt always try and give your son another toy, then hes going to learn that its ok when someone else takes stuff from him all the time and wont help him out later in life. Although at the same time, you need to teach him that the other boy is younger and doesnt always no better, so sometimes you should let your son let the other boy have the toy, just explain it to him. And then help him to choose another toy to play with, but dont allow the other child to take this one.
2007-02-08 05:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I still think i would let the one boy know that he can not take toys away from someone else. It is not nice. If he continues take the toy and put it away. Tell them when you fight over a toy like that then no one will get to play with it. It might not work at first but after a while it will work. Trust me. Otherwise they will just continue untill they outgrow this behavior and basically nothing will be solved. As far as toughening up, he is two and a half. Let him be a kid. Why is it today we expect our children to grow up tough and to handle problems for themselves at such a young age. That is where parenting comes into play. I know it is a difficult position you are in. But, that mother needs to work with you to help resolve the problem..
2007-02-08 05:34:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No your son does not need to "toughen up" we are not training them to be rough tough kids. Emotions are okay. If he cries when its taken away, that's okay...its his way of dealing with it right now. And its up to us on what to do next. Every time that other child takes a toy from him...gently give it back to your son and give a toy to the other child. The other child does understand cause and effect to an extent. He is probably noticing that when he takes a toy that makes your little boy upset. But then in turn talk to your son and tell him that its okay, reassure him and his emotions. So from there he will feel more secure when a toy is taken. But at this age, it is heartbreaking when your toy is taken from you. So you sort of have to go with that. If the other boy is 6 months younger that makes him around 23 months? Its time for him to learn to respect boundaries to his ability. Good luck. It takes time, but they will get it!
2007-02-08 05:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by Roxy 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
The other child should not be allowed to grab the toy your Son is playing with. The 2 year old sounds pretty smart, he knows to grab the toy your Son has. Maybe the 2 year old should go in time out..
2007-02-08 06:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by queendebadow 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to help your child find a way to assert himself with this kid. When it happens, take your child by the hand over to the offender and say "David (taker), Jason (takee) was playing with that-you may not take someone else's toy" then gently, but firmly take the toy back from David and return it to Jason. Then, make sure you tell your child that he needs to say firmly "I want it back" when someone takes his toy away. Give David something else to play with.
David's mom needs to tell him to ask before taking someone's toy. I have two boys and there is no excuse for snatching and grabbing even if they are toddler boys. If I was David's mom, every time he snatched a toy, I would follow the instructions above, then remove him from playgroup to sit by me for 2 mins. That happens several times in a row-he'll get the message.
2007-02-08 06:23:54 · answer #6 · answered by momofhaybear 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Te younger boys' mother needs to discipline him not just "intervene" .
He needs to be taught and understand the word "NO".
And the sooner she learns to stop this kind of behavior the better .
It might sounds pathetic at this stage but that is how the bullying starts ...
You might try and distract your boy with another toy at this age but he will need to toughen up in future.
2007-02-08 08:49:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Someone needs to teach the other boy not to take toys form anyone. it should be his mother but if she is not i would try to. Don't teach your son to just give up and walk away. he needs to stand up for himself, even if he is just two. Tell your son to say to the other my "My toy" and take it back. this situation is different from sharing, when they say mine!!! Help him out by showing him and saying to the boy " Joe is playing with this now. Lets give it back(as you take it from his hands) ask him if he wants a turn when "Joe" is finished. Tell your son when he is done to give it to the other buy.
2007-02-08 05:26:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I faced the same type of situation when our second child was born. They are 18 months apart.The oldest was perfectly content to play by himself. When little sister was up on feet, she wanted someone to play with. She would always take something from older brother and run away, hoping he'd chase her. In time he realized that she really didn't want to play with the toy, she wanted to play with HIM.
My suggestion would be to get them interested in playing with some similar toys, ie. blocks, trucks, stuffed animals, etc.,and if one takes away from the other, they must "trade" the toy they had been playing with previously to the other child.
2007-02-08 05:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by not_prfikt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens to me as well, my daughter is two but the other girl is about 4 years old and it seems like everytime my daughter picks something up this kid walks over and tears it out of my daughters hands. The thing that bugs me though is that the mother says nothing, and she sees her, I think at her age she should be teaching her daughter not to do that. At your sons age though, I would just help your son pick out another toy, they don't really grasp the concept of sharing yet especially the boy who is 6 months younger
2007-02-08 05:25:43 · answer #10 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋