We have a 10 year old that is the middle child. She has an attitude and mouth on her of a child that should be much older. If you tell her something she always has a response and never listens to what you are telling her. It is getting out of hand and I dread doing things with her due to this. I should mention she is a step-child to me. Her father and I recently got married but we have been together for 3 years. He just ignores it and I can't. What do I do?
2007-02-08 04:59:36 · 11 answers · asked by Dawn D 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
she has 2 older sisters, and I think a lot of her issues stem from her mom and dad kinda push her aside because of the middle child thing...younger brother, spends a lot of time with dad, older sister spends lots of time with mom and then my daughter who is with us almost 24/7 and I think that is also part of the issue.
2007-02-08 06:15:56 · update #1
he does do the spanking...still doesn't work..
2007-02-08 06:35:23 · update #2
Tough question, I think you need to step back, and your husband needs to step forward. He is the only one who can break this attitude, and I suggest he do it now, rather then when she is a teen.
I know how you feel, I've been in your shoes when my oldest daughter was 9. She's 10 now and much better behaved. I can't stress this enough: STRICT CONSEQUENCES. The first hint of the attitude she gets a warning (make eye contact, make sure she knows your serious). If she continues: BAM, off to time out, or some sort of grounding, such as, either (or) no friends, play time, toys, IPODs, bikes....what ever she values. Next and most important, if the attitude continues, it's spanking time. You must be willing to go through with all three of these steps if you want to be successful. The spanking must be a HUGE deal, I'd be happy to explain further, if your husband is willing to try this method out.
PS if you don't make a spanking hurt, they don't work! Have him do a old fashioned spanking, one with the pants down, with her across his lap. That will get her attention.
Good Luck
2007-02-08 20:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, just married changes dynamics alot, and being ten is pretty normal for having the attitude. Are the others stepchildren too? What are the age differences? How often does she see her mother? Does she live with you, did she live with you before the marriage? How is school going?
It's really hard to tell someone what to do when there are a hundred things that are probably affecting her attitude and behavior. KWIM? Especiall with an older sibling, she's already learned the attitudes and vocabulary of a teenager, that's pretty typical. If she's frustrated and feeling like she can't express herself without judgement or being told she's over reacting, then she'll respond like this.
I'm not judging anything, we only know what you told us (the limits of typing communication, yes?) I'd really suggest seeing a therapist who specializes in blended families. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be.
2007-02-08 05:36:24 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her father. If it's not your child you aren't obligated to deal with the situation. It sounds like she is disrespectful, but it could also be a personal problem.
I know how the relationships work in divorced families, so you're better off talking to dad before you get yourself into a situation with the mother and the father.
I'm sure you have a lot of respect from your husband so there's no reason that he wouldn't listen to your opinion of how she should be handled.
Please remember that no matter what, this child will be put before you. The kids were in his life before you and will never go away. Don't get yourself between them because the father will most likely take the mother and the daughters side. Don't resent them for this. Just be aware of it.
2007-02-08 05:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Apparently, this child has come to the realization that she, not you, is boss.
I would start by a non-physical punishment for her attitudes..take away ipod, internet, computer, cell phone, etc.
If hubby won't support you, then _he_ needs to get himself to some counselling.
10 yo is NOT the wrong age for a sound paddling...it will embarass her more than hurt her, but you should use something like a ping-pong paddle and not your hand or a switch or something like that.
You definitely need to establish just who is in control, and right now it is not you.
2007-02-08 05:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by credo quia est absurdum 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her father should put her across his knee and give her
a well deserved spanking.
2007-02-08 06:22:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever hear of spanking, grounding, taking away privileges?
2007-02-08 05:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by not_prfikt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
try talking to her while shes sleeping,i believe it helps,try to know her interests,and be her bestfriend,dont try to push her to be what you want her to be,maybe shes like that out of history,out of dislike to you as her step mom or whatever reasons,Once youre relationship with her is ok,you can surely tell her to change in a way she wouldnt notice,,,just love her
2007-02-08 05:04:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well she might be actig out because her father is not paying enough attion to her.
2007-02-08 06:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by JOHN F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit down with him find out if their is anything else going on
2007-02-08 05:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by chrisandlindsayjohnston 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he needs a good spanking!!!!!
2007-02-08 05:03:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋