hardly anyone on here?

Question

can even take a joke so why should i bother asking, most (not all) seem so touchy, critical and moody, all they do is bring me down.

but you can always tell ME a joke to cheer me up?

Answer 1

good point sasha.

a joke huh ?

A penguin walks into a bar and says "anybody seen my dad?"
the barman says " I dunno, what does he look like ? "

Answer 2

Hope these can help, sent to moi by a friend just recently!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and to mark their union got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them
to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

19 Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath.. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh.
No pun in ten did

Answer 3

Don't let them get you down Sasha, they're just dumbheads eh!!....

Here's a little something that might cheer you.......

For Sasha, to raise a smile


TAE A FART

OH what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin,
There starts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas,
Start workin like a gentle breeze,
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face,
Will have ye blawin all ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae,
A'bobdy's gonn hae tae pay.

Even if ye try tae stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawed yer bum tight tae the chair,
Tae try an stop the leakin air,
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek ,
Pray to God it doesnae leak.

But aw yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder,
Richochets aroon the room
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God a'mighty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvne **** ma breeks.
Tae the bog I better scurry

Aw, whit the hell, it's no ma worry.
A'body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or twa are nearly bokin,

I'll feel better for a while,
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas! Too late he's just keeled ower.
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare,
A feel welcome nae mair.

Where e're ye go, let yer wind gang free,
Sounds like just the job for me,
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party,
Ower the sake o wan wee farty.....

Answer 4

i agree, the funniest jokes are often harasses by those who are jealous they didnt think of it first ~.^ dont let em get yah down, THE WORLD WILL REIGN OF JOKERS ONCE MORE!! (at least the world of Yahoo answers....)

this is the most corniest joke on the planet but i felt like sharing it anyways...

if the blue house is on the lest, and the green house on the right, and the pink house is behind you...then wheres the white house??

.
.
.

.
..
.
In Washington D.C

Answer 5

I know what you mean. I love the Helen Keller jokes, but they always get removed.
It's just a joke people. Only words.
If she were alive today, would I say those things in front of her?


Hell ya, she wouldn't know sh!t!

Answer 6

Can't think of any jokes, but don't let the saddos on here get you down - anytime I try to be funny I just get slagged off.

Answer 7

A lot can't even recognise a joke either. Don't let them get you down though!
Try this one >
A Doctor gave a man six months to live.
He couldn't pay his bill so..........
The Doctor gave him another six months!

Answer 8

What do you call 2 lesbians floating down the river together in a canoe?




*Fur Traders*

Answer 9

you hit the nail on the head there sasha if they don't like it don't read it and move on but some criticise every joke i think they should be undertakers if they cant have a laugh no disrespect to undertakers

Answer 10

tell me about it!
check one of my 1st questions About my uncle. They are jokes but so many people took them serious!

If a comedian is in a wheel chair?


Is it still called stand up?


Have fun and reply to my open question

Answer 11

Overtime

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"