Should I Reconcile with My Parents?

Question

I am a 31(going on 32 year old) who has not spoken to my parents for 7 years...(they only know what goes on with me due to me speaking with my sister--six years younger than me--via email).

I am considering speaking with them, since I found a very special girl...yet, I still have that uncomfortable feeling when I think of them.

Growing up, they were more strict with me than my sister, pushing the Jehovah Witness religion 'down my throat'...and being more bullying than parental.

Of course, I wasn't allowed to date, play sports, go out with people my age. I was regulated to my room.

If my father had any issues with the congregation or at his job, he would take it out on me. Moreover, as he began to lose his jobs, he would take money from me getting upset if I didn't have a certain amount.

When my parents left from Long Beach to the Bay, they managed to take all my money (while I didn't have a job) to make their own life.

And the list goes on...

Good answers all around, however, I do have some other details:

During my late teens, early twenties I found I was having nightmares and continuous headaches due to what was going on in our house.(Just think 'Silent Hill' type dreams, only these were a bit disturbing...and not something you can brush off as just 'video game' imagery).

I would have liked to have heard some other people's viewpoints, because my parents seemed to have made it seemed as if it was my fault and I was ungrateful.

I even attempted suicide after my parents left me with my mother's friends...(which, as aformentioned, with no money and ruined credit).

When I 'recovered' I moved to the Bay Area with my parents, staying in hotels...but soon grew distant.

I soon changed my last name, as well.

***

Still, I had sent my sister an email saying I would like to send a letter via email to her to give to the parents...

We'll see....

Answer 1

We're about the same age and I was raised a Witness too. I left the truth for a few years in my 20s and I'm back now. More than one of my siblings never became Jehovah's Witnesses but we are all a very close family.

My parents didn't do everything right but they tried their best. You're description of your upbringing is pretty vague and perhaps it is in your best interests to keep your distance from them for the most part (they may *know* bible principles but maybe aren't so hot at applying them).

As for NOT SPEAKING TO THEM, it sounds to me like you have a few things to get off your chest and perhaps it would be good if you did - via a letter?

If you do speak to them (face-to-face or otherwise), and do re-establish a relationship with them, try to take it slow. I'd let them know you have some misgivings about whether you can trust them again but that you'd like to try. If they're not willing to have the relationship with you on your terms, then you will have your answer.

Be kind to them though. See how they react to that. Now that the stresses of raising children are behind them, you might find that they are different people than what you remember.

Answer 2

Well from experience I will tell you that my mother passed away unexpectadly and she I never never fixed things between each other, I have dealt with guilt and regret ever since. When I found out my father was dying I decided that I wasn't going to wonder again, and I took the initiative to go see him, and forgive everythign, since he was never in my life even though I had reached out to him many many times, even when I needed him the most he didn't come through. So I went to see him and it is one of the best choices I have ever made, we both got closure, ad I don't regret it. So I say let that be water under the bridge. As a parent I belive we do the best we can, and hope for the best. Your parents weren't drug addicts and didn't sell you for drugs, what I mean is that instead they tried giving you religion. Which they would probably think it was in your best interest, and for you own good. I don't think they've done these things out of malice, and they deserve a second chance. I assume of they left you in Long Beach you must have been old enough to be on your own, and not a child, especially a child who wants nothing to do with them. I would say talk to them, go for it, you don't know what how lucky you are to have them, whether they are good or bad, at least there's always a chance to make it better while they are here.

Answer 3

YES U SHOULD..

as much, if not more, for you than for them.

Ok,from what u say they weren't easy parents to grow up with..overly strict due to religious beliefs, u missed out on teenage fun BUT NONE of us can turn back the clock and UNDO the past. WE CANT.

WE MUST LOOK FORWARD NOT BACK.

Your father behaved badly and immaturely taking your money and u need to tell him.. maybe he is now guilty about this..

The thing is if u dont talk to them you'll never know.
Good or bad we only have ONE set of parents, if they were gone tomorrow u could NEVER address this and u would regret it.

The fact you're asking this on here means u want an explanation, a reconciliation. DO IT.

It wont be easy, it'll be embarrassing, awkward difficult but the ONLY way to do it is meet.

Maybe meet them ONE at a time so you're not out-numbered, in neutral surroundings.. remain calm..

You have a special girl, your life is coming together, you cant change the past as we said but u can influence the future in this regard.

YOU know the answer before I replied.......CARPE DIEM+++seize the day+++++++

GOOD LUCK..paul

Answer 4

We've heard part of your story, from your side.

It would be interesting to hear your story from your parents side.

But, I agree. Reconcile, you want to but pride is holding you back.

Your parents were probably better than most, certainly better than some I know.

They were trying to protect you, guide you, instill morals and ethics in you, and generally try to mold you into a decent human being. Apparently at least some of it worked.

As a parent, I never went to school to raise Aimee or to take a course on Angele 101, and on down the line. All 5 of my kids were different, what worked for one didn't work for the others.

I 'pushed' religion down my kid's throat, too. It took in two of them and didn't in three of them. BUT, they are all decent, honest people.

Reconcile, they did their best. You will have the opportunity to do your best when you have children. Maybe you can do it better, maybe not.

Answer 5

You could try writing them a letter if you feel uncertain about contacting them or perhaps you can talk to your sister and ask how they would react if you contacted them. She could tell you how they seem to feel about the situation etc. It sounds like they have really hurt you!! You are in a difficult situation...but remember that one day they will not be here anymore and that day (which could be tomorrow) will be even more difficult for you if you have not even tried to reconcile with them. I truly hope things work out for the best...if they don't I am sure will have a new family (one of your own) with your future wife!!! I wish you the best of luck and happy life!!!

Answer 6

Normally, I would say that there's no day like the present to make amends with your parents but given the fact that you still feel uncomfortable about talking with them, I would say that it is not the time yet, for you.

If you choose not to, though, you have to be aware that everyday you choose to stay disconnected from them is another day that you can't get back and there may not be another day to do it.

Which is the lesser of two evils, in your book?

Answer 7

I would say yes they may have acted like that and i kinda know how you feel i just left my home and came back two weeks later and reconcield with my parents but everyday you wait it gets that much harder you need to see if they have matured and if not you know you've tried and that's all you can do!

Answer 8

wow. sorry to hear your situation.
my mom died when i was 9 and i saw my dad a few times before 7 and then he died last year and i only seen him 3x between the ages of 17 and 30 . becuase he still denied me as his daughter.
i would do anything to have parents. i dont know every family is different. but i mean just talk to them atleast. . about the religion thing.. explain to them your FEELINGS .. if you cant do it by phone just write them a letter.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

i think you should give it one more try.. maybe they have changed in those years. I am a bit confused though, havent they tried to contact you at all?? it seems really odd.. in any case, you have nothing to loose, you are a grown man and i am sure you will make the right decision. go see them God bless