What would you do in this situation?

Question

I need some advice. Here goes.. I am a very passive person. I tend to let things go for a long time, till I reach my point where I snap. I am almost at this point now. My sister in law in a free loader. She lives about an hour and half away from me. I live in the city and she lives in a more remote area. She has a friend coming into town this weekend, and invited herself and her friend to stay at my house. She does nothing when she comes to visit, expect me to do meals, clean up dishes, and she'll sit around waiting to be served. I have my daughter's birthday party on Sunday and am quite busy getting everything ready for it. Having her, and the frined stay at my house Saturday, is really putting me out. Having company, (I am a clean freak) I have to give my house a good going over to prepare. I made some comments to her on the phone about being very busy, which she ignores. Should I have it out with her, and cause the family to think that I am the bad guy, or live with it?

Answer 1

Do you live alone or are you in a relationship? If you are in a relationship, why are they not supporting you with this? This is your home, you do have plans and you need to make that very clear. Putting your foot down at first won't be easy, but as you keep sticking to your ground, it will become easier. Your sister in law needs to respect you and your home. You will be the only one to blame if you keep allowing people to walk all over you. You're not happy with this, so why do you keep it up? It's your daughter's special weekend, so why would you want your "sister in law" to take priority? Would she have been invited to this party? If not, say "NO" and stick with it. Eventually the family will start to respect you for not being wishy-washy. You don't live with the rest of the family. Your home needs to be the happy one. This is YOUR home and they all need to respect that. If you don't want to be totally nasty, make arrangements with her for another weekend. Also, don't be afraid to ask her to help out. You can also suggest that her and her friend prepare one of the meals. Don't be a door mat. I don't mean to be ragging on you, but you need to be respected in your own home. All the best.

Answer 2

Don't even have it out with her. Pick a time when you know she's not home, and leave a message saying, "Sorry! This weekend's really bad. Maybe next weekend!" If they still show up on your doorstep with bags in tow, PUT THEM TO WORK!!
THEY can: shop, wrap presents, crisis clean, do the dishes, blow up the balloons, etc.
Then, after they've done all that, say, "Didn't you get the message? This weekend's really bad. My daughter's having a sleepover party now, so YOU HAVE TO GO HOME!" :)

Answer 3

Grow some backbone.

I appreciate the fact that she is family and that you are trying to 'not rock the boat'. But, God didn't make you a doormat.

Without being wishy-washy, perhaps you could graciously explain to her that that weekend just will not work for you, perhaps another weekend.

If you ever get to entertain your sister-in-law in your home again, set some borders, get some rules down. Ones that you can live with, dealing with cleaning, washing, etc.

Answer 4

Just come out and tell her no. You are too busy. Just because you have things to do does not make you a bad guy. She should respect your decision. If she gets mad, too bad. She'll get over it.

Answer 5

Tell her no. It's just that simple. Make a good example and show your daughter that people shouldn't run over other people. You need to get some backbone. Stand up for yourself. NO ONE ELSE WILL.

Answer 6

You need to let her know. After all, your sister-in-law sounds like she is taking you for granted. If your family gets mad then that is their problem not yours. She needs to go to your families home and take her friend with her.

Answer 7

U tell her straight. No she cant come over. That does not make u a bad person.