I've been dating this great guy for about 6 months who is originally from Ghana, but hasn't lived there in over 20 years. Everything was great until I met his mom a month ago - she's not too happy about the relationship because I'm not African, and sadly it is beginning to affect the relationship because he values his mom's opinion. What's your take on this - should I run for the hills? It doesn't help that I don't speak the language so of course I have no idea what she says about me when she talks to him.
2007-02-08 04:28:47 · 9 answers · asked by Shayna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes - I am black, but not originally from the US.
2007-02-08 04:54:20 · update #1
first of all, you need to know that you have done nothing wrong. i've been through this personally. my mom didn't approve of my wife due to cultural differences too. you have to realize that there's more than the cultural bias, she also has a generation bias against you. today's world is a whole lot more tolerant than the world she grew up in. she most likely only felt safe with her people. the only way to deal with this is to have a heart to heart with her. she only wants her son to be safe and the only safe way in her mind is within their native culture because that's all she has to go on. just understand where she's coming from and let her know that that's exactly what you want to give him. that's only half of the solution. if your man truly loves you, he needs to step up and protect you from anything and anyone. he needs to talk to his mom as a man instead of a mama's boy. in my case, instead of getting all mad at my mom, i came at her respectfully and asked her if she loved me and if she trusted me. naturally she said yes. then i told her that she should trust any decisions i made and to love who i loved. it's been all good ever since. good luck!
2007-02-08 04:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by WreckinShop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you Black? or Caucasian or other?
Ghanains are a VERY proud people - proud of their land, their heritage, their customs and family. Many people from other lands are not always happy when their offspring decide to couple with an American....or for that matter with someone other than their' own'...
If this relationship has reached the 'love' and commitment stage, then try to hang in there - give her a chance to really get to know you and the type woman you are. Talk openly with her son and you both decide what is best.
2007-02-08 04:36:12 · answer #2 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an adult, it's up to him now. If he decides to commit to you, it's up to him to tell Mom that you are "the one" and he'll have to put you first. Mom's come second, or should, once there's a wife in the picture. She doesn't have to love you- our you her- but coming to a mutual agreement that you both love the same guy, is the optimal outcome. I'd say give it time- let her get used to the idea, but if things get more serious with him- make sure he understands that you will not play second fiddle to his mother. My mother's parents hated my dad- my parent's eloped, and my grandmother in particular never forgot or forgave, but my Mom insisted she put those feelings aside, and for the most part she did, and my parents just had their 52nd anny.
2007-02-08 04:40:58 · answer #3 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. If it bothers you, then keeping it quiet won't help, and breaking up with him will just hurt everyone involved. You could always ask him to teach you about the culture or you could try and learn yourself. Try to please the mother, if she speaks english, and if not then have him translate for you so you can do what she asks. Culture shouldn't be a problem if you really care about him, and the same with him. You shouldn't have to change yourself to make them happy though.
2007-02-08 04:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by Diagonal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If her not being too happy with you has already started affecting your relationship, get the red signal. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ASAP.
2007-02-08 04:33:23 · answer #5 · answered by pinkie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run as fast as you can and leave no forwarding address. in many cultures the matriarch rules and your life will be a living hell. please don't think he will change because that only happens in the movies.
2007-02-08 04:34:48 · answer #6 · answered by alida 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he really like u then he wouldnt care what race u are. He is trying to please everyone and that is not even cool. Maybe u should try something else. but wait it out and see what happens
2007-02-08 04:34:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him and ask what she thinks about you and ask him if it important that he listens to his moms opinion. he sounds like a momma s boy. just ask him how does he feel about you other than her opinion. your no dating her you are dating him!
2007-02-08 04:33:10 · answer #8 · answered by PrinCipeSSa ItaLiAnA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a big problem. solve youeself
2007-02-08 04:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by keral 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋