Am I DOING THE RIGHT THING?

Question

Ok, I knew this was going to happen... my fiancé has no money for rent. We got a 3 day notice on the 5th. He has asked me to borrow money, but I told him NO! He did not work one day in JAN. just got a p/t job at togos. He was not sick, not hurt, he just made some bad decisions. His license was suspended in Dec., his car registration is late, he has no car ins. He had a job but spent all his $ on weed and cigs. He stayed at home played video games, hung out w/ friends and didn't do anything around the house. Now he is asking me to help pay for his rent b/c the cash advance loan he is trying to get is still in pending for approval process. I've helped him before for rent. He owes me about $1,000. I could easily get the money but he f*ed up my credit (I co-signed for his car, which will get repoed any day). If we get kicked out so will our 2 room mates. But I can move home w/ parents (I'm 22) and go back to school. He said he would leave me if I didn't! Am I doing the right thing?

If we moved back to our parents we would live 2 min away, but he says it won't work out. I think we can start over again. I can go to school and he can get his life back together. I don't want our relationship to end I LOVE HIM. It's been 5 years. He was doing good, but then this...

Answer 1

YOU NEED TO FIND A NEW MAN, U HAVE A SCRUB AND IMAGINE HOW IT WILL BE WHEN YALL R MARRIED. NO DONT HELP HIM HE NEED TO LEARN TO DO **** HIS SELF

Answer 2

You know the answer to this question as well as anybody does. But I'll kinda spell it out. It sounds like he's a total looser. If you keep footing his bills, he will expect you to always do so. He needs to grow up, step up to the plate, be a man, and GET A DECENT JOB. I think you should move back with your parents, but let him move wherever he wants to go. If he leaves you, then you are jolly well better off without him. If you continue to put up with his nonsense, be prepared for a lifetime of the same thing.

Answer 3

Why are you wasting your time with this person. Hruined you credit now he wants to ruin your relationship with your parents. There is no future with this guy. You are still so young you can move back to your parents BY YOURSELF. It will be the best thing you have done all year. Live a little without a boyfriend. Your not missing much.

Answer 4

Wow. I didn't even read the rest of that to know that you need out of that situation. He doesn't have any goals or take anything seriously. You don't need that. Who does? You love him for the ways you'd wish him to be ,and he's not going to be. Move back home if you need to and let him leave you. If you don't support him, I gurantee you he'll find some other to do it for him. You'll feel like a million bucks if you do. Trust me =)

Answer 5

I'd say cut your losses now, and move back home. He obviously has no respect for you (or himself for that matter), so it's unlikely he'll change now- since after 5 yrs with has hasn't motivated him to give his life in order. He's allowing you to take all the financial responsibility for his inertia, which is totally unfair, and then threatens to dump you if you move back home? Uh uh, not good. School sounds like a good thing- it's for YOU, not him, so go for it.

Answer 6

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!

I, too, know the power of love. And it blinds us to reality.

Consider this, in your account above, re-read it and every where you see the word "I" or "my" replace it with "my Mom".

What would your advice be to her?
You know the answer.

Move back home, finish your schooling, establish your life and if by some miracle your leach, excuse me, your boyfriend has got himself together, try it again. My guess is that by then some body worthwhile will have found you.

God Bless You

Answer 7

You're not dumb or stupid. Love is a powerful thing, but, honey, you need to let him go. Love isn't just about the way he feels physically or even his personality. Its also about the way he TREATS YOU! If he doesn't treat you well, which sounds like he isn't, then you need to leave him alone. Actions speak louder than words, so you need to look at what he's said versus what he's done and see how that's impacted your life. It seems that he has only done negative things in your life, and you need someone to bring positive aspects. You need to move back in with your parents, let him go and get his life together ON HIS OWN! People don't learn if you keep babying them, sweetheart. If he gets it together himself, go out on a couple of dates with him, but don't have sex with him or lead him on in any way. He needs to prove to you that he's worthy of your love. Furthermore, you need to go to college and get yourself a good job so you don't need to support anyone but yourself. Get your own apartment, own car, and fix your credit anyway you can. You can do it! Its about being strong and loving yourself; and knowing that you need someone to love you and treat you well. And it's obvious that your current boyfriend doesn't care at all about you. Good luck! I know you can do it!

Answer 8

Don't help him out yet again. You helping him before didn't work and it won't if you do it this time. It's time to get on with your own life and stop him from ruining yours (including ruining your credit history). That's the practical side.
Now the relationship side. You need to seriously question youy situation as his fiancee. Do you want this hassle for your future together? He won't change whatever you do.
Sorry this sounds harsh but you've got to look out for yourself; he's not going to look out for you.

Answer 9

You'd be doing the right thing to leave his sorry a**. Five years is a long time. The good news is you're only 22. Let him go and move on...

Answer 10

I would suggest that you let him get his finances back in order before you marry him. He will keep this up as long as he has you to bail him out. Threatening to leave you if you don't do what he wants is wrong and you should rethink this relationship a bit more.

Answer 11

Why would you want to be with someone who is threatening to break off teh relationship if you don't give him money while he sits there and ruins your credit, gets tattoos instead of paying bills, does drugs and is getting his car reposessed? Seriously you don't even need a PRO/CON list. They are all CONS against him!!!!