my dad left a long time ago and he has changed so much that i don't recognise him anymore - he's like a stranger i know very well. it's not my dad i miss it's just having a dad that i miss, all my friends are really close to their dads. i'm 16 and was wondering if anyone can understand or has advice?
2007-02-08 04:02:25 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i have tried once to talk to my dad about how i feel but he kept twisting my words and making it out that he was the one that was in pain
2007-02-08 04:10:53 · update #1
some extra info, i'm a girl and my dad left one night. my mum had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and was dealing with that. my dad has changed so much that i don't know him or this new life that he has chosen. i just miss having a dad.
2007-02-09 03:03:01 · update #2
Mate, I'll bet your dad thinks about you every day and regrets leaving.
The same thing has happened to me from both sides of the situation. I didn't see my son for over a year (not by my choice) and the first time I saw him I nearly fell apart because of the change in him.
It's been over a year now and we're best mates again, we're closer than ever before.
When I didn't get to see my dad (i saw him about 2 months in 3 years) I remembered him as 'Superdad', the bloke who could do no wrong ...the reality was he wasn't. That was about 20 years ago and we've spoken about it only once. We're a bit closer now but not like the usual father & son relationship. I really think you should talk to him about the whole situation, I never got that chance and i often wonder what things could have been like.
I believe it's what you make of the situation, there's no point living in the past, you have to try and make things better for the future. That's exactly what I did with my son and I'm glad I did.
Sorry for going on but it's a subject very close to my heart.
Really hope things work out for you mate!
2007-02-08 04:12:38 · answer #1 · answered by JCA P 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a 42yr old woman and I still miss my dad. Trouble is, I actually had two, one biological and one step. The real one has never been a part of my life except to see him on holidays for a few hours. The step was domineering and manipulative. I finally cut ties with him at the age of 32. Unfortunately, I never encountered a good male role model growing up. I think that's what hurts the most, that vacancy. I wouldn't care if he was related, I just wanted someone to help show me the way and love me unconditionally. I feel for you. Have you ever considered one of those Big Brother programs? I understand they can be very rewarding. I'm not a man, but I'd be happy to correspond with you if you'd like to talk more. Good Luck!
2007-02-08 04:16:17 · answer #2 · answered by lsloner 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i hate my dad, my mum also kicked him out when i was 16 and good riddance - but the fact of the matter is different situations. My dad was horrible to me and my sister, but if your dad was good to you then it's understandable that you love him or miss him. Then again when i was your age i also wanted a father just for the sake of having one. All my friends were really close with their dads and i never really had one. If you miss him then you should try and get to know him again even if he does seem like a stranger to you. You never know he might feel the same about you
2007-02-08 04:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by Amz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know the circumstances that you are under and the reasons your dad is not on the seen. Perhaps you could write a card with how you feel written on it and send it to him. Maybe he does not reconize that he has changed you see and if he realises how it upsets you he may just be prepared to get his old self back. Often feelings are best written down and given to the person. I hope you do manage to reach a better understanding with each other. I lost my Dad many years ago and this is how I still speak to him, but I wish I had said all I do now to him, when he was alive. Best of Luck
2007-02-08 05:21:19 · answer #4 · answered by deep in thought 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trueroman,
Not everyone is wise and it sounds like you have a dad who's a bit short on wisdom. You have to accept he's the way he is, but keep thinking about it because one day you will most likely be a Dad and you will know how to cope with this situation and not let your own child go through what you are going through now. If you can possibly help it. I bet this is really hard for you and you most certainly don't deserve it. I think eventually this is going to be a positive thing because you can make it that way.
2007-02-08 04:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by : 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I miss having a dad when I see how my friends dads are with them. My dad doesnt talk to me because his ex wife attacked me (i was too busy getting stitches than to phone every member of my family with a lie about what happened) and he expected me to apologise to her (they were married at the time).
When I see other people with their dads, I feel a bit jealous but then I remember that my dad never encouraged me or supported me in anything I did. He usually put me down or called me a failure.
I can understand where you are coming from but trust me as you get older it will be easier - do you have a close relationship with your mum? Remember the good times with your dad
2007-02-08 04:50:59 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I miss my Dad - he's moved to New Zealand and I so wish I could see him. He moved out very suddenly when I was 7 and I didn't see him for years. My Mum tried hard to tell me that he wasn't my Dad any more because she wasn't married to him but I wouldn't have it, and I went to find him when I was about 20. I saw him regularly for many years after that until last year he finally emigrated to New Zealand as he'd always wanted to do.
I didn't want him to go, but I did want him to go, because I knew how happy it would make him.
Your Dad was not "making out" that he was the one in pain. You are BOTH in pain. You should not assume that you're the only one with feelings. There is no doubt that your dad left for a good reason that had nothing to do with you. You cannot change this situation by torturing yourself or your dad, nor is it your place to blame anyone, including your mother. My partner stayed for many years in a marriage that made him feel suicidal - he told me that if it hadn't been for his son he would have committed suicide - his ex-wife made him feel so sad and unloved that he worked longer and longer hours just so he wouldn't have to be in the house with her. Although she didn't mean to do this, this was their situation and there was no hope for their marriage.
You have to accept that your dad doesn't live with you any more but he does still love you. He wants you to be happy; you want him to be happy, don't you? Or do you want to make him suffer because it hurt you when he left? At least one in three marriages fails - you are far from being the only one whose parents aren't together any more.
As I see it you have two choices: you can carry on torturing yourself and your dad, making people suffer, trying to punish your dad without having any comprehension of what drove him to leave, OR you can start having an adult relationship with your dad (and your mum for that matter), forgiving them both for not being perfect, just as you too are not perfect. Try to imagine what it might be like for you in the future if you have children of your own. Don't you think they might be furious with you for not being perfect? Do you know anyone who's perfect?
2007-02-08 08:09:45 · answer #7 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH YES! I had my daddy for 61 years and after he died I was left with a huge hole that nothing else can fill. My mother died when I was a baby and even though I never got to know her, I have longed for her every day of my life. I'm sure you miss having a close relationship with your dad. There's no advice that's going to solve this problem but don't let yourself forget the good memories you have of him. So sad for you!
2007-02-08 04:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i do miss my dad too the difference was he was an alcohol addict so i never knew the real dad he died 8 years ago and it's something that played a big part in my life , try to spend more time with him and differrent activities also be more confident and show him how much you love him , we have only one dad
2007-02-09 09:08:13 · answer #9 · answered by grannyatlondon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can understand ur pain, im in a simillar situation only now i've got a step-dad dat aynt bad,but i dont miss ma real dad coz he's neva called or wrote since i left london n came 2 malawi wen i waz 5 now im 14 goin on 15. well if u realy lyk so totaly miss ur dad u shud try talking 2 him it myt help.gud luck
2007-02-08 04:17:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋