Choose boyfriend over kids?

Question

I have two kids ages 21 and 18, have been with boyfriend 16 years, the 21 year old does not live with me, but my boyfriend and daughter always bunt heads, so l left last spring but still see him and would like to move back in with him but he wants no part of my daughter, she can be a handfull at times, but she is still my daughter. I love this guy a great deal but do not like being put in the position of choosing and I should not be put in that position, I feel he is the grown up, I have to say that when they were young he never had much to do with them, always at the airport doing his hobby, he worked from 3-11pm so when the kids were out of school he was not home, but on his days off he went to the airport instead of taking time to bond with them and treating them as they were his kids, I am 43 and he is 55. Everytime I see him I am put on a guilt trip and should make her live with her dad. He wanted me to ask other woman what they would do? He never comes to see me I always goto him

Answer 1

You should be ashamed!!! Those are your kids and no man should be asking you to give up on them!!!! Dump the loser and find someone else, Tell him he is a jerk and that I said so!!!!!

Answer 2

If you choose this guy over your children they will resent you for a very long time. You should have lost this guy at the first sign of him not being good with your kids. You should always choose your children over your man, this guy sounds like a real jerk anyway. Your kids are old enough to accept him, but the reason your children do not get along with him now is because he did not bond with him when they were young kids and they already feel betrayed by you for keeping a man around that they did not approve of. Your children should always come first and should be the deal breaker when you are finding a new man. There are so many men out there that would take your kids as their own and you had to settle for a jerk that had nothing to do with them. The damage is done. As far as your child living with you, he has no say in that matter. That is your child and he has chose to not be a part of their life so he has no say so where they should live. You are the mom/boss of this situation!

Answer 3

You cannot choose your family, but you can always choose your partner!! In my male opinion, I think you should support your daughter 100%!! I have no doubt that you can find another man that will fit very nicely into your family. This guy should understand better and stop putting you in the position to make a choice, because you just might choose family over him, then what would he do? A guilt trip is something for teenagers and little children to use, not grown and mature adults!! Tell him to grow up and be a man for once in his life!! Just my personal opinion.

Answer 4

Why start worrying about your children now? You have been shacking up with this looser since your daughter was 2. You should have been asking that question then, not now. If your daughter was really that important to you, you would have considered her needs when she was still a minor and you were still responsible for her. She is an adult, she doesn't have to stay with you if she chooses not to. Look you already chose your boyfriend over your children. Just the fact that you are here asking this question shows your extreme lack of maturity and irresponsibility.

Do what you should have done 16 years ago, dump the looser. He doesn't respect you enough to respect your children. The fact that he shacked up with you all these years shows that he doesn't respect you and you don't respect yourself. Men who respect women Marry them, they don't treat them like their unpiad whore, but shacking up with them and getting lucky with no commitment.

Edit***
Maybe she is such a handful because she has been trying to get your love and affection for 16 years. Why can't parent realize the affects their actions have on their children?

Answer 5

OK here is the deal if he loves you then he should of never put you in this position to start with . he should of never told you to choose maybe if you can get the two of them together and explain you love them both and you will not choose between them and they need to figure out what they want to do and if they can't then they are the ones who have to live with the guilt not you because they made the decision not you. you may find they can live with each other and Make do with being civil to one another .

Answer 6

I know exactly how your daughter is feeling, I hated my moms boyfriend. I couldn't stand him what so ever and I felt neglected from my mother because she was never around or even cared about what was going on with me. Lord knows I should have done some sort of drugs or party or something but i didn't because I'm better than that. I know what it's like not to have your mom around when you need her growing up and it's a bad feeling. You should always choose your children over any guy or any thing. That's why they are parents, they are the ones you go to when you're in trouble.

Answer 7

Listen! Some people are very hard on you, and they don't know the whole story like I do. But as a friend and and a mother, I'm telling you. You need to tell him bye bye, and find a man that will treat you better. The kids are just that kids and soon they will be having their own families. You need to just let him be and move on. He hasn't had anything to do with you or your kids and he never will.

Answer 8

Some kids do make things difficult and can make him feel very uncomfortable around them. You said yourself that she can be a handfull and maybe this is her way of keeping you two apart. If there is no reason for her to ack this way, talk to her about it. Ask her how she really feels about him. I would not make her move to her Dad's over it, but you are entitled to have a happy life with someone else regardless of how she feels. She is not a young child anymore and will be leaving soon on her own anyway. Some men do not bond well with other mens children.

Answer 9

i havent read any other answers here, but my first response is get rid of him. he spends all his spare time at the airport doing his hobby? so what are you to him? the housekeeper by the sounds of it and when does he see you? in bed? and guilt trips? geez girl, we mothers can do that to ourselves we sure dont need any help there!
think about this for a moment please, if he is trying to force you to push your daughter out of your life then i would say he trying to be far too controlling and once your daughter is gone who will he want you to get rid of next? your son? your best friend? your family? the list goes on and on! before you know it you wont have anyone but him in your life, do yourself a favor and throw him out. you are way too young to be stuck with someone that scary!
you wanted children, you have children, no matter their age, don't push them out of your life. beaus will come and go but your kids are your kids! love them, honor them and treat them with the same respect you would expect from them.
do his laundry up one last time, pack his bags, give him a bagged lunch and tell him good bye! please.
take good care
s.b.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to tell you this, but if are dumb enough to choose a man over your own flesh and blood, good luck in hell! I cant believe there are ppl on this earth that would prefer a once in a while f@ck than your own kids. You know what, choose him better, cuz from the moment you "HAVE" to choose between a man and your kid, tells you are a ruthless bit@h not worthy of being a mother!!!

Answer 11

I'm sorry to say, but what a jerk. Your kids are part of the package and he should accept that. They both need to come to some kind of an agreement and confront their differences.

I would never, ever, choose a man over my kids. They are flesh and blood! He should respect you and not even degrade your child to your face. If he doesn't like her, then this is something he needs to deal with on his own, keep his mouth shut, and act like an adult.