what should i do? really important i need advise?

Question

i barely found out i am preg and i told the guy... he doesn't he tell me that he doesn't want any kids right now... he tells me theirs other options like abortion.... even though having a baby right now wasn't my plan i am totally against abortion. he tells me he can't be there sorry... i said " save your sorry's and explainations 4 ur kid because i won't be needing them at all" i never asked him2 b with me at all but i did ask him to be responsible for wut belongs to him... it takes two and the other responsible rathr than me is him.if he later wnts to or has a change of mind should i treat him with any remorse or consideration?? do you think that he will want to b responsible once he wakes up out of la la land? or if he will wake up and realize reality? what should i do?

Answer 1

Shouldn't you have asked him about this before conceiving a child, especially if you feel that way about abortion?

Answer 2

I hope you realize you are the one who will have all the responsibility.I dont know if this is your first child but let me tell you its not a cakewalk.This boy is letting you know he is not going to help period.Yes you maybe can go to court for child support which is not easy,he point blank told you to have an abortion,that says alot!! If you want this baby then dont sit and hope he wakes up.You will be the one who has to do everything and any plans you had will be put on the back burner unless you have alot of help. I believe in the right to choose sorry sometime even when your against it sometimes you find yourself in a position where that is the only choice,I had 4 kids and even 1 died and I found myself pregnant innocently wasnt getting a period and the doctor told me I couldnt get pregnant then at that time and I believed her and low and behold I was pregant the next month with 3 other kids in a 1 bedroom apt.and I chose abortion although I was totally against it until this situation,sorry to say I am sorry i had to ever be put into that decsion but I never regretted it for me I knew it was the right choice,the father didnt want to take responsibility either at that time.I cant stand the people that use abortion as a birth control method,but sometimes it happens to the best of people.I never did it again but I know many women now who have had them,cause ultimatley you must know its gonna all be on you.Dont waste your time arguing with this boy,save up your thoughts and energy for how you are going to have to change your life and make it so you can take care if the baby and still accomplish what you need to do with your life to make yourself financially independent goodluck

Answer 3

Can you affrod to rasie a child to the age of 18 on your own? Take some time a *really* think about this... cause it sounds like you will be. Abortion isn't the only option either. If you have one near by, go to a Planned Parenthood and talk with someone, they are there to help you through these decisions and help you find the what's best for you and the child.

This man doesn't want to be a father, and he's made that pretty clear to you. Yes, you are right, it took the both of you to create this, but if this was NOT what either of you wanted, then protection should have been used.

You are trying to be responsible for your actions, Kudos! But, you cannot make him responsible emotionally, only financially. If you have this baby and keep it, make sure his name is on the brith cert. Have parternity testing done after the child is born to verify for the court in order to get child support.

You have lots to think about and get arranged, talk with people in your local community (like Planned Parenthood) for assistance, you will need all the emotional support you can get right now.

But, please, think carefully and throuoghly about EVERY option that is available to you, do what's right for the child when in doubt. It is no longer about 'you', your life is now about that child. Are you willing to give up everything you want, for things this child will need for the next 18 years? Always put the child first in your decisions, and you will make the right one.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Give him some time to cool down, it is a big shock being told that you are about to become a parent. If he continues on with the abortion thing, explain that it is your body and no one can tell you what to do with it, then do what I did, open the door and tell him to use it, as soon as the baby is born get court documents to say that the baby is to reside with you, this will protect you from him just disappearing with the baby. If he comes around and does want to be a father to this child, then let him, every child has the right to know both parents no matter what, the child will see everything for his/herself and will decide which parent is the more secure parent. My daughter is 4 and I had the same thing happen with her father, although mine was the first time we had sex, condom broke and a baby was conceived. I also don't believe in abortions, so I kept the baby and now have a healthy 4yo daughter who I would not give up for the world. Her father decided after she was born that he did actually want to see this child, which I never stopped, but also went as far as taking me to court for full custody, which he lost due to his violence, but my daughter now does not want to see her father as she can see that he is not all that great. He tries to buy her by giving her all the bigger better toys and stuff, gives her to his parents to look after when he is supposed to have her instead of spending time with her, so naturally she prefers to be with mummy with hand me down toys and clothes because I give her all the love and support I can and do the best job I can at raising her on my own, so don't stress out too much, its natural to worry, but worrying only clouds your mind. You just be the best you can and it will all work out.
Good luck

Answer 5

Great advice janica

Sorry to hear that your boyfriend is such a loser. Dodging this responsibility really puts him in the lower echelon of creeps. First, someone he respects should talk to him about it. Don't be too proud to get counseling. This is a huge issue to deal with, fortunately others have gone this path before and may be able to offer a tremendous amount of support. Second, if he is set in his irresponsible ways you should consider having him sign all of his rights away. This sounds like such a burden for you. I wish you the best and hope that you can attain the strength and wisdom that you will need to do the right thing.

P.S. Even though it is not entirely his fault I just want to shake this boy until some of his teeth start falling out. I'd like to give his dad a piece of my mind too.

Answer 6

I have a few opinions about this. First off, this isn't just your decision. Your right, it does take two. It should also take two ppl to decide how this baby is going to be handled.This isn't just your decision. You need to also be thinking about him too.
Secondly, if he's not ready to be a dad, and this wasn't your plan, then you two shouldn't have been having sex. Cause it sounds like you two weren't even dating.
Third, After the baby is born, if he wants to be there you should definetly let him. It is also his child and you have no right to keep him away from it. No one does. He's a man, he's bound to f*ck up. That's what they do. Expect it. He changes his mind, do your best to be forgiving. Not for your sake, but for the child's. A child desperately needs a father. You can't replace that role no matter how hard you try. So even if he's a crappy one, he still is dad.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I am really not sure what to do about this but I can tell you about my brother. He was 20 years old when he found out that that girl he was dating was pregnant. He flew the coupe and wanted nothing to do with it. He was young and scared that he couldn't be their to support it like an older male who is successful. eventually his head was screwed back into place and now he is the father of three beautiful children and he and his girlfriend are getting married in june. Be patient, not angry, it happens to most guys. Just make sure that you don't totally erase him from the picture. Even though you may not be for abortion I am sure that one part of your mind is telling you that this isnt what you want. Same as him. Keep him in the light about the pregnancy, the worst thing you could do is shut him out. Send him a single sonogram picture with no note and see what happens.

Answer 8

If you are going to have the baby, then once the baby is born you'll need to establish paternity by having a DNA test done. Then you need to contact your state's attorney general's office and have child support payments and visitation arranged. Then you live by the court paper. If he doesn't want his visitation, then you get over it. You never ever bad mouth this child's father in front of them. They will figure things out for themselves soon enough.

This is a prime example of why people should not be having sex until marriage and committment is made. It's the child that will be hurt through all of this.

Answer 9

You have too many legal recourses to force him to at least keep his financial obligation to you and your baby. DO NOT have an abortion, there is always the option of putting the baby up for adoption and there are so many different types of adoptions today, that you could still be a part of the child's life even though not the legal mother. If you keep the baby, do the best you can to raise him/her in a loving home. If this guy is nothing but trouble, cut him loose and don't look back.

Answer 10

He could just be really scared and immature..
thats sucks for you..but there is nothing u can do about it..
just think of ur child and put him/her first..
tell this guy what u expect.. and tell him how he can reach you when he comes to his senses and wants to take responsibility for his actions (meaning making a child)..
for now get ready for child support.. and be a wonderful mother to the best of ur ability.

Answer 11

If you want the baby then have it and he will be stuck paying child support. He will eventually want to have something to do with the child but I would not change your views on that matter just because he's afraid of it costing him money and responsiblity. It takes 2 to tango and he is as responsible as you. If he doesn't want anything to do with his child then it would probably be better for the both of you because he wouldn't stand in the way of you when you get into another relationship.