How should I handle this honeymoon situation?

Question

It is wedding etiquette that the groom's parents pay for our honeymoon. Now I know those days are long gone but my parents are following their part of the etiquette deal. My groom is constantly trying to protect his parents from spending money and it is really starting to make me mad. Now I want to book this honeymoon but how should I handle the financials? I don't want to get in a fight with my fiance over it but I just don't think it is right that his parents are spending $500 and mine are spending thousands. He wants us to pay for it and put it on my credit card to book it. I don't want to...what should I do?

I got this information out of my Dillard's registry book, idiots guide to weddings, another wedding book, and many different websites. They all said they are responsible for the rehearsal dinner, the marriage license/officiant fee, my bouquet and the groomsmens bout. and the honeymoon. If things aren't going by etiquette anymore then maybe they should chip in a little more money....

Oh and yes they have the money...he has gotten everything he has ever wanted his entire life...

Everyone is attacking me...I wasn't even the one who wanted this type of wedding...I wanted to run off to Florida. My parents forced me into this. They wanted it so that is why they are paying for it. They have a show to put on! I just don't think I personally should have to pay for it. I think my fiance should step up and take responsibility every once in a while. People act like it is only me that wants it and that he is innocent. Sure that is typical. Men get away with everything.

Answer 1

It's not up to the his parents, but rather is the GROOM"s resposability to pay for the honeymoon.

Do NOT book it or make your parents responsible for this. Is not fair, specially since they already had their share of expenses with the reception and all.

Sorry, I don't care if people tell you that those days are long gone, is HIS responsability to book the honeymoon. PERIOD. Either remind him of his resposability and wait, or go without out, but by all means DO NOT pay it yourself. You can agree to pay it together or do it later when you can afford it, but do not do this ALONE. You cannot force your in-laws into observing proper ettiquette, but your future husband SHOULD do something for the honeymoon regardless! It could be something not as fancy, but is definetly up to him to do this.

Oh boy... what a predicament

Answer 2

"I got this information out of my Dillard's registry book, idiots guide to weddings, another wedding book, and many different websites. They all said they are responsible for the rehearsal dinner, the marriage license/officiant fee, my bouquet and the groomsmens bout. and the honeymoon. If things aren't going by etiquette anymore then maybe they should chip in a little more money...."

No one, parents or not, should be forced into paying for something. Be gracious about taking the $500. They can easily not give anything at all. It is their earned money and have a right to say where it goes, regaurdless of the circumstances. Just because your parents want to chip in thousands doesn't mean his parents have to equal it. That is rude to assume.

Plus, what makes you think just because books say it makes it true? It is rude to say "these are the rules and you have to obey by them" to his parents.

"Everyone is attacking me...I wasn't even the one who wanted this type of wedding...I wanted to run off to Florida. My parents forced me into this."

That is the problem. You don't want this wedding, your parents do. But you expect everyone else to pay up for a wedding you really didn't want in the first place? Then you expect us to believe your parents are forcing this on you.

If you can not make decisions on your own as an adult, then you are not ready for marriage.

"I just don't think I personally should have to pay for it. I think my fiance should step up and take responsibility every once in a while. "

So should you. After all, you are refusing to pay for your own wedding, which majority of people today fork a lot of money on their own wedding. Not up to everyone else to pay for it.

"People act like it is only me that wants it and that he is innocent. Sure that is typical. Men get away with everything."

It is a known fact men just don't get involved in the whole "decorations/planning". He just thinks you are being unrational and it will cause a conflict.

I have never heard of a groom's parents paying for the honeymoon in the first place. Honeymoon has usually been souly on the newlyweds, if they even have one. That is why you try to entery sweepstakes, save up or wait to take the honeymoon when financies are available. some people even have "dollar dances" where attach money to the bride/groom in exchange for a dance. My step cousin did this at her wedding and they got over $1,000 that went towards the wedding.

You can also request that if guest rather place money on an account (open an account with traveling for whatever honeymoon) and they can pay that instead of bringing a gift.

There is all sorts of ways of doing something. But it is rude to expect and demand them to do something.

If he wants this type of wedding too, yes he has to put forth responsibility and effort. But his parents are not obligated.

Putting the blame on his parents will cause a conflict with the in-laws and himself. It is not their fault you want them to pay for an expensive wedding...you don't even want.

Answer 3

Perhaps you misunderstood-

Yes, It is usually the groom that arranges the honeymoon - more of a matter that it gives him a job I think - so technically, yes, it is "his side" that is responsible for it - but his parents are not on the hook. He is. And in most cases with couples, then you are too because finances will be joined. Just as usually it is the "brides side" that pays for the wedding, etc. That doesn't always mean the bride's parents.

And let me guess - you are most likely either living with him or at least did not "wait" until you are married to him. Etiquette doesn't matter to you there, but it DOES when it comes to money. Hmmm.

Your parents are choosing to spend the money they wish to spend... a lot. His parents are choosing to spend the money they wish to spend... not a lot. Have they backed out of anything they agreed to - or are you just presumptuous?

Before $1 was shelled out there should have been a clear understanding as to who would be paying for what. No one forced your parents to pay - and by the sounds of it a lot of things are there idea anyway. If they don't want to spend the money - like the grooms parents - then they don't have to either. Your parents aren't dumb and they don't need you to fight their battles.

You are now in a situation where you only choice is to accept things gracefully and make sure that things are more clear in the future. You have bigger resentment and entitlement issues that you need to work out before you get married.

It is what it is.

Answer 4

My parents are paying for my overpriced wedding. Sounds like your parents are doing the same. Not to be rude, but be thankful of what you have been given, from both families. You really have no first hand info on their money, your groom may not either. Maybe, even though they've live like they have money to spare, they really don't. It's very possible. Be happy they gave something, my future inlaws are complaining they live out of town & have to spend money on gas to get to our wedding. And my wedding of 100 is actually mostly his family, I think like 65 at least of the people are his family & close friends. It's still not their responisbility to pay for any of the guest. Would it be nice to have an offer? Sure. But they are not required & it wasn't expected. Same thing for my parents, who are paying.

Not trying to be rude, but if you were so worried about your family spending thousands, you should have scaled back. I understand you say you wanted to just go to FL, but you didn't & I understand why. However, you could have picked a cheaper location, even a family home. Or cut back on flowers or food. There are many ways to save money, my friends had a wedding with 70 people for just over $5000 total. It's unfair to compare what his family has done to what your family has done.

Pick something you can afford together. My fiance' & I are going to a fabulous place in Jamaica for 4 nights for just over $2000 & while we are just now out of college & not making much, we have been able to swing that no problem with help from our tax money & some savings we both have.

Answer 5

If you want to start your marriage out already fighting about something marginally trivial, then go ahead and pursue this fight. However, I think the most important thing to remember when you are entering into a marriage is that you have to pick your battles. Of course it's unfair for your family to be spending thousands of dollars on the ceremony and reception while his parents get away with $500, but let me ask you this: is there a reason for their tightwad behavior? Maybe your parents are better off financially than his parents are. Or maybe your idea of a honeymoon is a lot more lavish than they ever signed on for. Have you spoken with his parents directly at all about it? Maybe you need to get to the bottom of why your future husband is always protecting his parents from spending money. There could be an underlying financial issue that his family is too proud to let you know about. Maybe it's time to put these silly old traditions to rest and foot the bill for ceremony, reception, and honeymoon all by yourselves. After all, getting married is sort of a publilc declaration of adult independence, wouldn't you say? If your family wants to pay for the ceremony and reception for you, that's their business, but I don't think it is right to bulldoze his family into something they might not be able to do.

Answer 6

I think Anne's answer was very wise. The issue here is not about who pays for what, it's about your maturity level. I'm sorry you are feeling attacked, but maybe there is something to be learned from all these responses, that you are not quite ready to hear. The fact that your parents "forced" you to have this kind of wedding is very telling. A mature woman, who is ready to take the vows of marriage, is able to decide, with her fiance what kind of wedding they would like to have. Your parents, and his parents are not obligated to pay for anything. If you would rather not be saddled with credit card debt, to pay for your honeymoon, how about something you and your fiance can afford, like a weekend at a nearby resort or hotel? Good luck.

Answer 7

Traditionally, the couple pays for thier own honeymoon, unless one of the parents have offered to pay for it as their gift to the couple. I paid for my whole wedding because neither family could offer to help, but I liked it better this way. You ae in charge of the money, so you have a say as to what food is served, when and where the wedding will be, and the other little details. You are not obligated to follow 'tradition' if you have the power over the costs.

Answer 8

I have never heard of any etiquette on the grooms parents to pay for the honeymoon.
I would suggest talking to your fiance about your feelings if this is really bothering you. But like somebody else said on here I would pick your battles because this is such a small issue to be maing a huge deal over.
Now I know you were probably looking for somebody to take your side over this issue but I don't think anybody will. I would say to take what you have and pay for the rest yourself if its the honeymoon you have to have.

Answer 9

You are very lucky that your parents are spending thousands on your wedding, but it is a gift from them to you. You don't have any right to expect the groom's parents to give you a comparable gift. They have no obligation to pay for your honeymoon. If you can't afford to spend a lot on your honeymoon, you should go on an inexpensive honeymoon. Do what you can afford. I am concerned that you think you are entitled to an expensive honeymoon and have your fiance's parents pay for it. That does not sound as if you have the necessary maturity for marriage. Talk this out with your fiance.

Answer 10

The days of following traditional spending limits for the families are gone. It is so wonderful that your parents are giving you this wedding; that is a great offer on their part. But, that doesn't mean that his parents have to make a similiar offer. If they do, great. If not, it is very rude to ask them for it.

I'm afraid you're going to have to fund the honeymoon yourself. If his parents ask where you're going, tell them someone cheap and for a short period of time, because that's all you can afford. Maybe they'll offer to help out then, but probably not.

Are his parents paying for the bar? That's a traditional groom's family expense. If the costs are becoming too much for your parents, then sit down with his parents and explain that you have to cut their guest list because it's too much for your parents to afford by themselves.

Answer 11

You just awnsered your question those days are long gone. I actually never even knew they were sappost to pay for the honeymoon. Shoot im missing out than....j/k. I thought the grooms parents were sappost to pay for the rehersal dinner and the bridal parties flowers. Anyways my Fiance's parents are paying for just the rehersal dinner. Hopefully atleast. It kind of stresses me out wondering of they'll even have the money for that. My parents are paying thousands of dollars also and my fiance and i are paying for the ceremony (just 200 because we are a member) flowers for the ceremony, dj, photographer, honeymoon, most of my dress, and all the little things. Its a matter of who has what money really. Im not gonna get mad at his parents because they just dont have the money im not gonna make them go bankrupt b/c of our wedding. So you need to think to yourself why arent they helping out? Tight on money? Or just cant save wisely? Dont hold it against them just as long as there doing what they can. If they have money and just dont care kick their *** . No only kidding but than you can talk to them about it. Good luck!