When is too much when it comes to spoiling children?

Question

Well to start off my son is 2 and my daughter is 10 months. I think I might have a problem but I am not too sure. My daughter is only 10 months. I feel the need to give her everything. She has Torticollis (head tilt) and it developed in the womb and I kind of feel like I did that to her, Even though they said there's nothing I could have done. Her name is Aurora, named after the dawn and sleeping beauty. I already bought a Sleeping Beauty doll collection for her. Plus I am starting a Barbie Doll collection for her also. She already has an American Doll. I bought three Barbie's yesterday and The Jeff Gordon nascar Barbie. I'm thinking that this will be a great investment later on in life if she wants to sell it. Well, let's just say I buy a lot for her. With my son, I have bought the entire collection of Thomas the tank engine. Everything he has is Thomas. Clothes, shoes, bedroom set, I mean everything Thomas! We make good money, is this that bad to do this?

My husband and I never had a childhood we both had to grow up very soon. Is it wrong for us to make our Child's childhood memorable? We shower them with love also, all the time. We read books take them to the park and just have fun.

We already started a college fund for them both. We put about 50 dollars a month in.

Plus they get 15,000 dollars when they turn 18 from being Native American. Plus they get to go to college free in some places.

Answer 1

i think it is good to give your children what they want but don't go overboard. they will not value anything that you give them or understand the concept of money. also what happens if you guys stop making good money? i think you need to keep it at a happy medium. they need to understand what "no" means. if not you will have two very bad bratty kids to deal with. if they dont get their way they will throw tempure tantrums and act horribly. my aunt spoils her son and he is a horrible child. he is rude to her, expects to get whatever he wants handed to him and has horrible behavior. as long as you don't let your children take advantage of this and walk all over you, you should be fine. it's good to want them to have a better child hood than you, but dont confuse love with material possesions.

Answer 2

Toys and buying stuff for your kids will not, I repeat not, make your kids' childhood memorable. Only cluttered. What your children will remember is the amount and quality of time spent together playing, exploring, teaching, learning, talking and growing together. It is the simple things like making cookies together, letting them help you plant violets, and helping them pick out and care for their first puppy. It is about smiles, eye contact and the gentle, caring feel of your hand of their shoulder as your guiding them to the discovery of a garden spider in the newly spun web outside the garage door. Buying stuff is easy but you honestly are deriving more joy from it than your little children and I can assure you that over time the booty is going to become more expensive and the sense of entitlement more entrenched as they get older. Do you want materialistic, shallow children who don't know how to delay gratification or only value the new and shiny? Was it more stuff that you and your husband needed during childhood or was there something else that you needed but didn't get? When, I look back on my childhood, I just wish my dad had spent time with us and that my mom had been more patient. I don't really pine away for the Barbie beach house I never got. Sure it seemed big at 8 but when I was in high school, I was just so jazzed that my dad was sitting in the front row when I starred in the school play!

It sounds like you and your husband might benefit from a few sessions with a psychologist who specializes in child development and parenting issues. You are by no means alone in your overly indulgent behavior and the fact that it concerns you enough to ask the question is an indication that you know this isn't the best road for either you or your children. Lighten up a little, too. There are no perfect parents. Even the best, mostly just muddle through it the best they can, make mistakes and try again. No matter what you do, your children will wish you had done something different. In this case, you are correct to be concerned and now is a good time to learn how to change so that you can give your children the parenting they deserve and that you want to give. Best of luck.

Answer 3

I had nothing growing up and that made me a better person to appreciate what I do have and not take anything fogranted.Do not try and be a parent by buying love it will only backfire on you.When your kids get old enough to ask for things they will always want something new and they know you will cave everytime.You are not depriving your children of love by not buying them everything they ask for you are teaching them that money doesn't grow on trees and you don't splurge spend all the time.If you continue on this path you will create adults who are so far in debt with credit cards,personal loans,cars they can't afford a house they can't afford because in their brain if I want it I can have it.Not I can't afford that but I want it,maybe I will save up for it.You will create teenage monsters as well,their favorite phrase will be give me,give me,give me.This is why america is so screwed up because the children rule the parents not the other way around.....I am not being rude thats just my opinion and I have seen it too many times

Answer 4

Spoiling doesn't necessarily come from the toys a parent gives but from the attitudes they instill. Like others have said, making your children feel secure (from spending time with them) and teaching them to share and that they won't always get everything they want, that they need to be good, kind people is crucial.

As my children have gotten older, I find that I am teaching them that material goods aren't important in the long run. I am also teaching them that advertising is a bunch of very sophisticated adults working very hard to get you to to want what they have to sell. When my pre-teen sees something cool and wants to buy it, I tell her, "Yes, that's cool, but just because something is cool doesn't mean you have to own it." There's the money cost to buying something, also a cost to the environment and it "costs" you to own something, it takes up space, you have to take care of it, even if only dusting, and/or watch it deteroriate into junk over time, which is depressing, and eventually you do have to get rid of it.

Just a thought: I'm not sure you should be thinking of your daughter's Barbies as an investment, especially if you're going to let her play with them.

Good luck. You sound like you are doing great.

Answer 5

1. Check your reasoning. If you are buying out of guilt, your kids are gonna sense that, and they're gonna take advantage of it. This is cheating not only you but them- because you are the only one in life who is going to trat them this way, and when they get out on their own they'll be ill prepared. If you're buying either for resale value (investment) or because you're a shopoholic, that has little to do with your kids and becomes irrelevant to the question.
2. You say that you make good money. Are you giving up anything (like for instance, a family vacation, or could this money be put to better use in college funds?) to buy these toys? If buying them doesn't affect your finances, or if you believe they are an investment (which they only are if never opened, by the way) then you don't have to worry about the money-wasting angle.
3. Set material possesions aside for a moment and consider how you TREAT your kids: do you give in to anything they want (candy, later bedtimes, etc) even if you know it isn't good for them? THIS is, to me, the bad kind of spoiling. If you don't make and enforce rules, you are ruining your kids' lives.

Consider these three questions, and I think you'll have your answer.

Answer 6

At that age, it probably isn't harming anything but your pocketbook...you could probably use that money on them in other ways, such as a college savings account. Don't count on the barbie dolls to pay for college. I'm not saying what you do is wrong, just a suggestion. One thing you want to make sure of is that your children value the things they have and know that things in life aren't always going to be given to them, they have to work for it. At some point in their lives, if you give them everything they want, all the time, they aren't going to value anything. If I came to your house and delivered 450 large pizzas, you probably wouldn't value one of them too highly...you would give them away at will, they don't mean much to you, you have 450 of them. If you were starving on a deserted island, a single slice of the pizza would be priceless. You have to find a medium somewhere. sorry for the weird analogy. Thomas Rules.

Answer 7

We'ver not in any respect quite had the money to surely "smash" our daughters come yuletide time,or birthdays for that count. They get an same quantity of toys seeing because the quantity of funds ought to propose a lot less toys for one baby and extra for yet another. So often they get 4-5 small presents and a million large present(like a barbie abode or construction block set something like that).we've 3 daughters and yet another daughter on the way in March so funds has continuously been a touch tight and has gotten even tighter with each and each daughter born. they are chuffed to get what they do.they don't assume a tremendous number of stuff see you later as there is one present less than the tree for them they are chuffed. in addition they get a stocking with some sweet in it as well so as that still makes them chuffed.very last three hundred and sixty 5 days hubby were given a large bonus so as that they did get a lot extra then what they have another yuletide yet 1/2 of those toys they don't even complication with anymore.it quite is yet an extra reason we do not purchase a lot because I evaluate it wasted funds. Wy get them 500 funds worth even as they purely play with about 50 funds quite well worth the toys even as something else may be spent on outfits,food,etc...ya comprehend? yet yeah If human beings have the potential to attempt this then extra pwer to em' yet I,myself evaluate "spoiling" my children will supply them the concept that's the way it really is going to be each three hundred and sixty 5 days and as they become older it is going to purely worsen and continuously assume a tremendous number of stuff...and it in basic terms would not artwork that way.we choose our daughters to have a good time with what they get/have instead of searching ahead to it.

Answer 8

i don't think its bad but remember, toys don't make for a memorable childhood. memories do.a jeff gordon barbie isn't going to be worth that much in the future anyway. its nice to have fun things to play with when we're young but i don't think kids really understand the concept of a collection of things that they can't play with. i was very fortunate growing up. i didn't want for anything.but of all the things i had or was able to have, only a few remain in my memory. i cherish them those few items. think carefully before you buy. are you purchasing things simply b/c you didn't have it? would toys have made you have a better childhood? i'm not criticizing, really, but i know i'll get thumbs down for this one.

Answer 9

You have lucky kids! If you can give them all those things, then do it. I spoil my kids like that to. I can relate to that, I didn't get alot of stuff as a child, and I try to give my kids everything they need and way more. I think what your doing is great! You and your husband are great parents, there's nothing wrong with wanting your child to have a better childhood then you had. Keep up the good work! Your kids are very lucky to have you and your husband as parents. Good luck

Answer 10

I understand you love your children and want to make them happy but dont go over board. Some people who answered this question are right. I'm 14 years old and I have a 12 year old sister that I love. I'm the oldest sister. When I was little I always got what I wanted. I got so many attention and I love it. I was a spoiled child. My dad decided to get me a sibling because he thought I was bored but that wasnt true. When my sister was born, I dropped her on purpose so I could get a lot of attention because I was so spoil since I was born. Now, I was spoiled for 14 years. I get whatever I want and go whereever I want. Now that my sister and I are older we are basically a spoil brat and we dont appreciate anything. I admit it. My mom and dad try not to give everything I want but when I dont get it Ill scream or be mad and wont talk to them until I get it. I try not to be like that but its just hard since I been doing it since I was born. My mom and dad are struggling with me and my sister but they blame themselve for spoil us like that. When we dont get what we want and we fight for it my mom and dad get a temper too and yell at us or hit us and we arent use to that so we always say we hate are parents or they abuse us. Its good to be spoiled if you are that person being spoiled but its bad if you are trying to spoiling them too much. Dont make the same mistake. Good Luck!