Did I scare him away?

Question

Everything seems perfect: we get along well, laugh a lot, rely on each other, become close over the months and finally make love. It's awesome, and feels just right. Next day, we meet again, share an evening out with friends, drinking, dancing, chatting, when out of the blue I tell him I long for us to be together always, to marry and have kids. I can't believe what I am saying.
He asks am I kidding, I say no, seriously, he avoids my eyes and something suddenly feels different. We spend the evening with our friends, but since we parted I haven't heard from him. Did I scare him away, and if yes, is there something I can do, or say, not to loose him?

Answer 1

It seems like he's afraid of commitment. Yea, you probably scared him away but it's not your fault. It's good that you told him how you feel. I just think he has relationship issues, like he can't stay in one for long because he's afraid of commitment. If you really like this guy and don't want to lose him even though he may not want to get married for quite a while from now, tell him "i meant what i said, but we don't have to do that now. Lets focus on getting to know each other. I would like to someday eventually get married and have kids, but for now, we'll take this one step at a time. Waiting is fine with me." And if he reacts in a stupid way or doesnt talk to you, then he's not worth it. It means he'll probably never be committed to another person. You can find someone better.

Answer 2

It sounds as if you and him had a good thing going. Which I can understand how the emotions took you over into thinking way ahead of yourself. Although, it does appear as if this caught him off guard and made him run! It might not be too late to rekindle the fires once again. The only option to fix this would be to change in his mind all notions about what you said to him. By doing this you must first leave him alone, let him run far enough until he starts to feel at a safe distance, so to speak. He probably likes you but was not ready nor thinking about marriage at this early stage of your relationship. As I said, just leave him alone, do not contact him in any way. In the mean time try to keep busy doing things with other friends. It would be best to not be so available when he does call you, by doing this it will be another way of showing him that you really did not mean what you said. Once you do talk to him, my advice for you is to not to bring it up, just pretend it was never said. Bottom line, you have to reverse the impression you left by saying what you said. It is almost like starting at the beginning of the relationship. Let him chase you, this will make him feel more comfortable with continuing a relationship with you. I do hope this works for you, otherwise I really do not know what else you can do. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

You may just have caught him off guard, perhaps he wasn't expecting that topic to come out when you guys were out with friends. He may not be ready for that yet. Call him and tell him you want to discuss what happened. Assure him that you were not trying to control him or plan his life, you just feel excited about the prospect of having a future life with him always in it! Let him know, however, that you are not trying to trap him or put him in a difficult position! Do not push the issue anymore, just take things slow and enjoy each other and do not focus on how you cannot lose him, because that is usually how you do lose someone.

Answer 4

You did scare him away...scared me away just reading it. A few months is crazy to feel all of that. It takes a few months for the new-relationship crap to ware off. Might be a lost cause because he will always have it in the back of his head that you said that.
I do not know what you could say, he might have already made up his mind...but try if you want. Tell him you realize that you were moving to fast and to start over...slow...and just go from there. And you will not be so creepy. If that is how you really feel though, he is not the guy....he does not want anything like you do...look, he ran for cover.

Answer 5

yea you pretty much scared him shitless. come one you dont tell a guy your still forming a relationship with that! well i honestly dont think there's much you can do to fix it because you did tell him you were serious. if you tell him otherwise he'd you your lying. you could try telling that bbeing intimate with him and having everything be perfect until now, made you feel so happy that you envisioned a future together. but its not like you have chosen him to have kids with him and marry him. you just meant that you can tell that he's lasting relationship material. and that you did get carried away by telling him that so soon like that.
hopefully he understands and decides to get back to the way things were. good luck!

Answer 6

I think you did sweety. We men have an automatic shutdown mechanism when women bring up love, marriage and kids all in the same sentence. If this is truly the guy for you these things would happen naturally.
If you love this guy, then try to get him back and let him know you are willing to be patient and wait till he is ready. If he is "the one" you shouldn't have to wait too long. Good luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like things were progressing nicely and then boom, yes you scared the crap out of him. I know it's hard but if you get a chance you need to back down and let things develop on there own time table. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Yes, you scared him away. No, there is nothing you can do. Even if you get him back, it is painfully obvious that you two want different things. I suggest you gather your self respect and move on. If he comes back for you then it is all good. (Unless it is for a booty call, the you just become a ho.)

Answer 9

Hate to say it, but it sounds like you scared him. You opening up may have been a wee bit too much for him to handle. Maybe he needs time to process what you said... give him space. If he comes back - great! If not, then his feelings obviously weren't there yet.... maybe it time things will change.

Answer 10

look you may well ahve scared him away at the very least you have shocked him with u open heartedness... becasue i think for him his feeling are nto as deep as yours... or perhaphs you get attached far too easily... tell him his thinking... but there really is not going back once you say the K word... i.e.. kids if a guy is not ready for it mentally then it is our que... to run... and run fast....