Help,my son thinks he's ugly?

Question

My son is 14,and thinks he's ugly(it hurts me to say that he's not good looking but he's definitely not ugly).
I think that he's having problems in making a girlfriend..he's now
isolating himself from the whole world,he just go into his room and close the door and listen to music so loud(mostly Eminem).
he wasn't like this,he used to love quiet songs but now he embraces Eminem..(I don't mind it at all but it's too much)+he's becoming more violent.

I'm really scared that he'll end up hurting himself.

btw I'm his dad

Answer 1

Try to get him involved with something that really interests him. Maybe if he likes Eminem he will like hip hop dance classes or music lessons or somthing like that. If he wants violence or feels the need to let aggression out through physical behavior maybe he will like karate. Then maybe his self esteem wont be based on apperance rather on his ability to accomplish somthing.

Answer 2

Dear baby, you are a very nice person and have joined the world to do something very good. It just does not matter what your complexion is or how long your nose is or how sparkling your eyes are or how wide/narrow your forehead is, or how pretty your cheeks are, or fluffly and love inspiritn your lips are or how lustrous you, as a physical body, are. In these and allied respects, no one is similar to another. All are different and each one of us has his/her own identity in this vast Creation of Nature. The very fact that you are born on this Earth is enough testimony of your real worth and you need to recognize it.
In the first instance,you are not ugly and you are not bad looking. Around three fourths of the globe would be either like you or even worse than you. This is just to put your information track straight and neither to bolster your confidence nor to correct you.
You have a mind, a heart, and all capabilities or a normal human being. And this is enough. use these endowments as fruitfully as you can and the world is yours.
Losing hope is bad and not doing anything with some foisted wrong notion about physical personality is going to be a curse. So, fight the struggle of life, like anybody else, with a firm resolve to overcome both the 'bad' (i.e. losing hope) and the 'curse" (i.e. negative self-worth about looks). You will surely be an achiever with a calm and firm effort; being violent does not pay anything off to anyone.

Answer 3

Well, my situation with my son, I told him that our creator made everyone different. My son, thank goodness, accepted my answer but we go through this every time he out grows something. I think that you need to get to the real root of the problem. He may only say that because he may not know how to talk to girls. If he is becoming with drawn then I would seek medical attention or psychologist to help deal with those feelings. And make him stop listening to Eminem, I am a fan of his music but he is not a great role model.

Answer 4

this sounds like a lot of 14 year olds (boys and girls). If you really feel like this is more serious then what you would normally expect from a 14 year old, seek the help of a professional counselor. If you honestly see signs that indicate to you that your son might hurt himself do this sooner rather than latter.
See if you can get him involved in something that he enjoys. It will help boost his self esteem to do well at something and help take his mind off the things that are bothering him. You should make sure you are giving him enough of your time as well. He will not talk to you about what he feels if you are not approachable.

Answer 5

Well Dad this is a common thing for boys this age. Most of them dont think they measure up in the looks catagory and they all want to go to their rooms and listen to music that can be heard in the next county. Its his age it will get better when hes about 21!! Good Luck with the teen years!

Answer 6

A lot of people had good advice here.

I would add: help him out with his appearence, if you can. At 14, you don't really know what you're doing with haircuts, clothes and all the rest of it. Talk about haircuts and then go together and both get a nice one. Go shopping for clothes with him, if you can. I remember growing up with a girl whose parents still bought her Toughskin jeans from Sears when she was a teen. It didn't help her self-esteem. If his hygiene is dicey (and sometimes it is at that age -- as the saying goes, They're old enough to smell but young enough not to care), GENTLY talk about what he needs to do, maybe get him some good shampoo, make sure he has skin products if he needs them, possibly go to a dermatologist for help. Done carefully, this can not only help him feel better about his appearance but also getting haircuts and clothes together can be a fun parent/child time. (The more time you can spend with him right now the better.)

Tell him people often feel ugly at his age and often they ARE a bit funny-looking (though I would stress that he is not), having not grown into their looks. Tell him about your own memories of being that age, show him your old school pictures. My daughter got a good laugh when I showed her mine.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Beauty is really in the smile, and in the eyes behind the smile. The best way to improve your looks is to find a way to be happy and let others know that you are happy. Gaining a little more confidence in yourself can also change the way other people see you and they will then want to be around you more. Sometimes finding something that you are passionate about and putting effort towards that can help your confidence level increase. Tell him to keep trying.

Answer 8

Fourteen is a tough age. You don't feel like you fit in, you're changing and some boys have already gone through that "gangley" stage so they look more mature. Help him improve his looks by small things. Does he have acne? Get him to the dermotologist for help. They have a lot of help these days, they don't have to just live through it like we did in the old days. Also, ask him if he wants a new hairstyle. Take him for a trim or haircut. Exercise can help your attitude immensely. Do you have any home exercise or weight equipment? If so, start out asking for him to "spot" you and help you and before you know it, he'll be exercising with you. If you don't have home exercise equipment, get a trial (one month) membership to a local gym. Try it out with your son and see if he enjoys it. It can be good father/son time and also help physically and mentally. Also, do things together that he enjoys. Go to a concert, bowling, movies, play ball, go camping, fishing, etc. Try to re-connect with you son and do fun activities to build his self-confidence. Point out his good qualities and let him know you love him and are proud of him. You want his home and parents to be a safe, comfortable and accepting place to be. He's going to try to push you away, but don't let him. You're a loving father, help him through this difficult time. Good Luck!

Answer 9

I think, the most important thing is accepting him (even his music - whatever your opinion is about it), and understand him. He needs you, but it is a difficult time to him. He is listening Eminem, but his parent's opoinion must be very important to him (try to believe it). If you had a good connection before, I think you can trust him.

Answer 10

By me being a teenager too the only reason I think he thinks he is ugly because someone at school told him that!good luck.