No Bridesmaids, No guests... Just skip the Wedding?

Question

Well, I'm moving foreward to marriage and I am coming to terms with something I've always sort of known... I'm not going to have any guests (I just dont know anyone), I have no one to act as a bridesmaid, my futur husband and I cant think of anyone to be in the party, and we can't think of any family to invite,
I suppose neither of us really has any friends. just people we casually know from work, We both have always been bookish and quite people and hold a variety of advanced degrees between us, just no friends. Also, we can't seem to find a minister or church as the ones we have contacted say they only allow members to use the facilities.
This stinks because I used to hope I'd have a happy traditional special day, but really what is the point with no guests or minister?
I suppose some quicky civil ceremony in the town's police station will have to fit the bill now, which doesn't sound too uplifting.
:(

Answer 1

Wait a minute! Who are you getting married for? Yourselves, or your audience?????

My husband and I had a BEAUTIFUL wedding ceremony, and it was just us, the pastor, a photographer we hired, and a couple of people we liked but really were nothing more than acquaintences.

I had a traditional wedding gown, albeit tea length instead of floor length. I had my nails and hair done the day of the ceremony, flowers, shoes, the works. My husband wore a tux, and we purchased a bride's maid dress and rented a tux for the other couple.

We chose a church with a beautiful, gothic sanctuary with gorgeous architecture and stained glass windows as our backdrop. We weren't members there....we had to pay to use the church, but we explained to the pastor that we didn't have a home church, and he was more than accomodating. (Try speaking to a pastor, instead of the hired help that answers the phone.)

We had written many of our own vows and selected our own scriptures, so the ceremony was especially meaningful.

We went out afterwards for a special dinner, and my husband had arranged to have flowers, a wedding cake, taped music (our song!) and champagne waiting for us when we arrived at our new apartment.

We didn't feel one bit cheated, and we didn't feel stupid either. Some people asked why in the world we would put on such a production for such a small wedding party, and we said simply "Because the ceremony and the day were for US. Therefore we did it exactly the way we wanted to."

Hope this helps you rethink your special day, and who you're really doing it for! Good luck!

Answer 2

Don't cheat yourself out of a wedding. Even if you do not know anyone well enough to ask them to be in your wedding party, still have a small ceremony with your families.

I just got married last August and the church is very hard to find. Most only allow members, but some ministers will still marry you outside of the church. Think about having a small outside ceremony or having the ceremony at your reception site. Just make it something the two of you will enjoy and remember forever.

Even if you've been too focused on books lately to make close friends, when you start sending out invitations to friends from the past and, yes, even coworkers, you will suddenly have more people attending than you thought possible. There is something about a wedding that brings old friends out of the woodwork.

Don't be so down about the weddding. This is supposed to be a happy time! Don't give up and go to the police station...give it time and enjoy it all. :)

Answer 3

You could always go on a trip someplace special and get married there. Like go to Hawaii and get married on a beach.
You don't need to have a bunch of people there to make it special. There are a lot of officiants you can hire that can do a ceremony just the way you want it. You could go to a beautiful park or historical location and get married in a garden or by a fountain. Then afterward go to an incredibly fancy and romantic restaurant for dinner.

Don't feel like you can't have a special day with just the two of you. You can still have a lovely ceremony, hire a photographer to photograph everything, hire a limo to take you everywhere and wear your perfect wedding dress.
Heck, without all the guests and chaotic schedule, it'll probably be a LOT more enjoyable than it is for most couples!

Good luck and may your lives together be filled with laughter and joy!

Answer 4

There are tons of ideas. One of my friends got married on a boat. This boat company sails across the lake near their house. It did the cake, decorations, champagne, and held about 25 people.

Another friend was married on the beach by a justice of the peace. For that you have to at least know 2 people to be the witnesses.

Cruise ships do magical wonderful weddings.

Tons of churchs/chapels do it for people who aren't members. Duke Chapel is one of the most popular wedding destinations in the US--booked all but 4 weekends all year. You have to reserve it a year in advance but as its a private chapel it doesn't have members. And you are in the center of Duke Gardens.

You should invite your family regardless of how close you are to them though. They can refuse to come of course but you don't want to have been the person who didn't invite them, unless the rift is suppose to last your lifetime.

Do you want an indoor or outdoor ceremony? Even a small wedding can be just like a larger one. True you wouldn't wish to rent out a hotel, but that doesn't mean you just dont have the wedding of your dreams.

You both have multiple degrees--do any of these universities have a beautiful area? A park or chapel? Many do. A lot of beautiful castles or old homes allow you rent the grounds or a room. What about at a destination so you'd already be on the honeymoon--like Ireland or England? You could have the wedding at a place with historical significance. There are tons of suggestions. Don't settle--this is the day you will have to tell your children about, the day you will reflect back on as the start of your new life.

Answer 5

You can have a nice wedding w/out having a big wedding. You could always elope and get married where you would go on your honeymoon. My friend had alot of problems w her husbands family so they went to Aruba and got married on the beach. The resort arranged someone to preform the ceremony and even provided a cake. There were other couples there doing the same thing and the resort arranged a "reception" dinner w all of them there - they had a great time.
I knew another couple who had a baby before they were married - both family's were angry w them. They took a cruise and got married on the ship - again the ship had someone on board to perform the ceremony. They too had an awesome time.
You could go to Vegas or Florida (Disney does weddings all the time) or to just some cute little inn in a scenic town/village and most places can arrange the officiant for you and will assit in finding you a romantic spot for dinner if they don't provide it themselves. Just because you don't have a big crowd doesn't mean you wedding can be special.

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with a civil ceremony, they usually celebrate it in a room adjacent to the court room, not the police station. You can still wear the traditional dress and accessories. It is your day, make of it what you wish.

On the practical side, think of the $$$ you will save. No guests to invite, feed or cajole. Most of the guests are usually people you have not seen in a while and will not see again until the next wedding or funeral anyway . GO GIRL and use that money for a nice honeymoon.

Answer 7

Why not have a destination wedding at a tropical resort? Or a wedding on a cruise ship?

If you're both scholarly, research a place you'd like to visit. Mayan ruins? Rome? The Greek Isles? Stonehenge? Where ever. Then go there and get married, honeymoon at the same time. Of course, you will have to research quite a bit to find out the legal things that will have to happen to get married there.

BTW, it seems that someone with advanced degrees might know the difference between quiet and quite.

Answer 8

Hire a photographer, buy the fancy dress, order the pretty flowers and hire a minister (many work on their "off days" freelance (for a bit more money---but think you're saving by not having a reception or guests)....and have your ceremony in a beautiful park or outdoors in the nice, warm weather. Your photographer will probably rent their time for 4 - 5 hours and you can take your car with the photographer tagging along and take the gorgeous pictures that you will always have to remember your special day by. That day is about you and your future husband... not about the guests or the friends...it's about the two of you. God bless you and good luck to you!! Enjoy YOUR special day. :)

Answer 9

You know the people at work , you must have known people at the University where you got your degrees.

If you want to go for the church wedding , call around for any wedding chapels , book one , invite your fellow workers and see how many replies you get.

If you plan on 30 guests then its just 7 each for you and your fiance , with each bringing a spouse or friend.

Answer 10

Why not fly to someplace fun like the beach or Las Vegas (you can bring your books)? My friend is getting married in Hawaii and no one is attending the ceremony. She is buying a wedding dress and everything, but the ceremony will be just for her and her fiancee. When you return, you can throw a small casual get-together for your co-workers or fellow bookworms at your home. Maybe just serving wine and cheese and dessert.

In the meantime, you and your fiancee should make an effort to get to know people....join a club or group that has common interests (reading clubs, writing clubs, dance lessons, whatever) and start to make friends. Invite another couple out for drinks or dinner one night. Make an effort to meet your neighbors. Its nice to have each other, but its nice to have friends too.