How do you deal with it? Does she try to turn you against her, so that you feel you dislike her as well? Or does she love you enough to let you be happy with her? Do you feel torn with your loyalty to your mum
2007-02-08 00:18:11 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am a step-mum and I hate the fact that as my step-son gets older I think his mum will try to do the same as yours is doing now. He is only 6 years old. Last year we were in the car and he said 'my mum keeps saying I like you better than her, and when i don't say anything she asks me who I like best, I told her I like her best even though I don't because I know she'll get mad if I tell the truth.' My heart broke for him. I simply told him he should never have to choose. His mum is his mum, and I am his step-mum and his friend. We are two people with two very different roles in his life. It doesn't matter who he likes more, who he loves more, none of it matters as long as he is happy... and that is what your mum now needs to understand. Your mum and your step-mum are different people and one does not replace the other... I'm sure your mum would be distraught if you hated your step-mum and lost your relationship with your father because of it. She should be thankful and grateful that in your step-mum you have found a friend xx
2007-02-08 07:38:26 · answer #1 · answered by lou lou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what your saying and there will always be feelings and pride involved that will make a mum jealous and resentful. You need to make sure that you are clear with your mum, that you do not feel comfortable with her putting down the other person or being in any way nasty. If she wants to feel like that about the stepmother than that is her choice not yours.
Every time she tries to have a whinge about her or anything you must tell her again that you are not comfortable with her being like that and not to discuss it with you.
As long as you are clear with your mum and tell her that your stepmum is still just your stepmum even if she is really nice. That your mum is your mother and you will always love her and she cannot be 'replaced'.
It is a hard situation but as long as you are honest and clear with her she will eventually stop, even if it's not immeadiate.
2007-02-08 00:38:51 · answer #2 · answered by jarf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been a stepmom and a mom of my own 2 children and I totally understand what you are saying. Your mom is going to have mixed up emotions & concerns, it is normal. Just let her know that she is your mom and nobody could every take her place, that you love her very much!!! That you also care about your stepmom and would like to have a nice relationship with her. That their is a difference in your relationships with each of them but you should be able to love them both in different ways. It's great that you truelly like your stepmom. Your mom is probably scared that you may love your stepmom more than her. Just reassure her that you love them both but your mom is #1 in your heart! Sadly, not all but alot of mom's talk about stepmoms in front of their children & put them down turning the children against the stepmom in the end. I truely find that sad because nobody can take the place of a mother & the love she has for her child, but for her to try turning a child against the stepmom is unfair to put the child in that position. Why can't kids have the best of both worlds? The love and compassion they both have to offer? I love my children but I also love my step sons even though they don't realize it anymore. Kids shoud not be put in the middle, it only hurts them in the end & then everyone misses out on the good times & love that should be shared! Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!
2007-02-08 01:02:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a stepmother, but if I did, I'd like to think that both mother & stepmother could get along with each other for my sake. Sometimes, though, kids have step parents, cos one of them has died & the mum or dad has remarried, so it isn't always an issue.
2007-02-08 00:27:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant speak to a stepmother because I dont have one. But my mother doesnt get along with my sister. I dont either but I do stay in touch with her and sometimes my mom gets pissy about it. I try to be understanding because I get why theresan instinct to feel a bit jealous in these cases. But I also know my mother is a big girl and she'll have to live with it. So in the nicest possible way I can, thats basically what I tell her.
2007-02-08 00:24:06 · answer #5 · answered by Chris J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom feels threatened somehow by your stepmother. Maybe subconsciously she thinks you might end up loving her more than you love your mom. Reassure her that she is the only mother you have, and no one on earth could replace her. It isn't unusual for the ex-wife to harbor ill feelings towards a woman who is now with a man they once loved. Tell her you understand this, but that it has nothing to do with you. As long as someone is treating you with respect, you will do the same. Remind her that she is the one that raised you not to be judgmental and to treat people with respect.
2007-02-08 00:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im 29 now but when I was younger my mom and dad would try to turn me against my stepmom and stepdad. It sucked because I wouldve had a better relationship with them both if my parents would have stayed out of it. Your parents are very influencing, but if you like your stepmom then you should tell your mom to please not try to influence you. Its a jealousy thing. Your mom doesnt want you to have a better relationship with your stepmom than you do. I understand this but it only makes things hard on the kids. Try to talk to your mom maturely and she might understand.
2007-02-08 01:04:59 · answer #7 · answered by justicenow232 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kinda. My mom doesn't like the fact that I like my stepmom so much and it makes her feel like a bad mom. Of course, then I feel guilty for making my mom feel bad. I deal with it by not talking about my stepmom in front of my mom and vice versa.
2007-02-08 00:22:49 · answer #8 · answered by saram 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom should be happy that she doesn't mistreat you. She's just jealous and afraid she'll lose you to her like she did Dad. She'll get over it. Give her a little time and reassurance and ask if she'd rather you spend time with a mean and nasty one?
2007-02-11 17:37:39 · answer #9 · answered by #1 saints fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a mother with a son who has a step mom
in the beging i thought she was taking my place
i would say things like i brought you into this world
she has no rights
but i found it just hurt him
he likes her and thats fine
we came to an agreement when it comes to homework and questions he comes to me first
he can also get her opinion on things if need be
2007-02-08 00:22:07 · answer #10 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋