We met on a mental illness dating site, both the same diagnoses. I am stronger and cope better with my illness. We had our first glitch and he has disappeared. We are 3.5 hours apart. We were planning on getting married. Should I move on for my own sanity...it has been 3 days since we last spoke.
2007-02-07 23:45:10 · 11 answers · asked by Mindy Jo 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
We have been spending every other week together for a few months.
2007-02-08 00:15:39 · update #1
This is a tough one..
Well, for one thing, you should keep in mind that if you are stronger and cope better, you'd be the one with most of the control and responsibility in the relationship. You'd be the one who should compromise more for the sake of the relationship's stability. If you are able to rationalize the way I think you do now, I think this might not be the only time you'd be doing so. What I mean is, if he's run off (as I understand) too vulnerable and/or too hurt to handle a mutual problem while you are left with decision making and dilemmas whether to be with him at all, it doesn't seem a very balanced relationship to me. And not too healthy, for that matter. Being stronger mentally in a relationship would not be my best choice, because at some point you start feeling as if you're dragging someone along with you and that is not what anyone wants nor needs. Bare in mind, of course, that this might be a one time thing.
One the other hand, you have something very important in common – this illness, and I guess if there's anyone you could trust with this and with whom you could be yourself and go on fighting it or just living with it, it's most likely him. That, I think, will make you feel safe and comfortable enough, which is very important. Such a solid and personal ground could be a base for a very strong relationship.
I think these are strong points and each of them leads in the opposite direction. Both bare responsibility and have their downsides. It's a tough choice. You should consider both and see which one is you. The best thing you can do in this case is really focus on yourself and what is best for you, not for both of you and not for him. This would lead you to your own answer and what you want. Don't compromise with this because it will eventually backfire. Another thing might be to think about your own approach to this illness. The pros and cons of living with someone who has it, opposite fighting it on your own in the company of people who don't. That is pretty personal and is something that you should discuss together.
I hope this helps and good luck:)
2007-02-08 00:39:29 · answer #1 · answered by OmeRga 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move on dear. You've worked hard with coping with your own illness. Coping with someone else's could lead to a setback. You have enough of your own problems to deal with.
Find someone else. Don't let this guy back in, its a recipe for disaster. Good luck.
2007-02-07 23:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lord yes move on...stay friends, but unless you truly spend quality time with someone IN PERSON, you really don't know this man. He and you both have some mental problems and 2 negatives surely don't make a right.
2007-02-07 23:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by cordellialynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need not let him go, but you need to move with your life.
You shud continue as you normally would and if he gets back in touch with you, then you can decide.
If you sit around waiting for him, you'll tear yourself apart inside going over the same questions.
If you're not over him, you're not over him and that doesnt just change overnight, but if you allow yourself to just carry on as normal, you will be far better equipt to deal with things if he does or does not contact you.
He might just need some space, and if thats true then you must let him have its.
My partner and family all criticise me saying im a pesimist. Truth be told I'm strong and I'm stubborn. I always see other peoples mistakes as my advantage. So if he doesn't get back in touch with you then thats his loss, not yours. If he does get back in touch with you and you have plans then it his tough luck, you can see him another time. If you dont control this situation, then he will.
Another analogy would be that all things happen for a reason and I'm sure he is perfectly justified in his behaviour at least in his own mind, so let him figure things out. in the end whatever decision he makes it will be the right one for him. as selfish as that decision may be, you have to be proud that he has done right by himself. You should too.
Good luck,
I've a funny feeling he is just figuring things out and that he'll be back, but in the meantime just continue with your life.
2007-02-08 00:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by tipsy_holymary 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beware? You never know the exact identity of the person to whom you are interacting on net. You can't even guess whether he is a male or female.
2007-02-07 23:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Arun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes move on your acting Crazy to marry someone you hardly know.
2007-02-07 23:48:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All the answers lie in the depth of your heart.
2007-02-07 23:48:16 · answer #7 · answered by jules 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah you should you need to find someone stable enough to be able to deal with a little fight now and then
2007-02-07 23:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by Morganna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on gorl and take your medication
2007-02-07 23:54:10 · answer #9 · answered by Shelty K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him go...
you already know hes at least a little crazy...
like putting two alcoholics togethers... only works if both always stay drunk///
2007-02-07 23:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by tx_lawdoc 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋