It will be two years in November that my partner asked me to marry him?

Question

My partner asked me to marry him two years ago, I feel we have been engaged to long i want to marry him sooner than later, When i talk to him about getting married i feel he dont listen. When i had my second miscarriage last year he said he wanted to marry me and run of to gretna green "but with our family there of course. I just think that he said that in the moment because we lost our baby. All i want is your advice and what you think ?

I'm 21 but we both love each other very much it will be 3 years in novemeber that we met, Some people might think i'm young but my mum and dad got married when they where in there 20's and they have been happily married for 23 years.

We do live togthier my partner works and brings home 13.000 a year, I'm a stay at home mum to my 3 year old daughter faith. We rent our property "my partners family dont get involved we are not that close i talk to my mum about it she as told me to set a date so we can get things on the move i.e planning.

Answer 1

I would sit down with him with a calendar and say "Honey its time to set the date for our wedding" See what his reaction is, normal men would say ok and go ahead and agree on a date. If he hems and haws though, you have your answer on whether he really wants to marry you. Once you have your answer you can decide to move on or not.

Answer 2

There is still plenty of time but he made the committment to marry you so time for a talk. Make sure you have his attention. You will know if he has by his answers. Have the two of you done anything constructive about planning a wedding of any type? It's really a difficult question to answer with the sketchy facts you have given. Sorry to learn you have had a second miscarriage but you don't say if you are already living together? If you are then sounds like you do have a home, if not have you savings for a deposit etc? You also don't mention if you have a regular, reasonable income. It would be easy to give you an answer saying he's had long enough so give him an ultimatum or give him time but it would be an unfair answer, not wanting to know all your business but there are certain contributory factors before giving advice that would seem in any way constructive.

Answer 3

I've been engaged three times. To three different men. The first two never talked about planning... just "someday". Someday never came... and it never would have. I was with each of the first two for five years. I wasted 10 years total on the wrong guys waiting for "some day".

If he never wants to talk about it and never says "Once we get married..." That is a HUGE RED FLAG.

I have now been with my current fiance for a year and a half and i see a big difference. He doesn't care about the planning or when. He just says, let me know where to be and when to be there. BUT he does talk about when we get married, and is totally cool with me setting up the date and place.

If he's not talking about it at all, then there IS a reason. Some men figure what's the point of getting married when you are already living together and going through the motions. They also like the easier option of moving on if they meet someone "better".

Answer 4

I would suggest that you talk with him about setting a date, that way it can be firmed up and planning can begin. I was engaged for 2 1/2 years before getting married but the key is to decide when you are getting married and not necessarily how soon you should get married. If he is uncomfortable when it is brought up maybe you should ask him questions like "would you like a fall wedding or summer wedding?" Then you will start talking about it and then let him know that you would like to set a date. Also let him know that by setting a date you can start planning with your families for the wedding and make arrangements. If he seems disinterested in the conversation then approach him with "you seem like you don't have a preference so how about if I set a date?" Sometimes men are not that interested in all the talk and planning that goes into the wedding they just want to show up and have the rest taken care of. My husband was like that so don't be discouraged it could just be a guy thing that's all. Try my suggestions, you may get further with the planning than you think.

Answer 5

He may not be ready. Getting married is a really big step, and as you said, you are only young.
When your parents got married the world was a different place. I'm not saying that if you do get married now it won't last, but do you really want to marry someone who isn't ready to marry you?
There could be many other reasons that he is not ready. Do you live together in your own house? Can you afford to get married?
Are you both studying at University?
You need to talk to him and ask him why he is not ready, the answer may surprise you.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Firstly sorry to hear about the miscarriage, me and H2B also experienced the same thing last year, just before we got engaged. Something like that can be pressures on a relationship, but your still together which says it all.

I'm 22, and we are booked to get married next year. Me, mum, sisters, aunts are raving on about this wedding. My H2b (23) does have an input but I guess its just a girly thing to get excited about.

You should speak to him about how he feels about getting married. My h2b's confessed about being a bit scared, as he wonders if I will leave him. That's mainly because his parents divorced when he was a child, and its something the worries him alot. So speak to your h2b about his reluctance to the wedding. Ask him about setting a date, get him involved, he obviously loves you, just try and speak to him.

Hope that kind of helps?!

Answer 7

Make him set a date. The whole point of getting engaged is that its a step closer towards marriage. Ask him what he's thinking, why he's taken so long to set a date with you and if there's anything he's fearful of. It could well be that he's concerned he's not man enough. Doesn't stand up to you enough (not for one minute insinuating that you nag him all the time!) It's just a man thing but have it out with him.

Answer 8

Um. We met in July(2002), got engaged on Thanksgiving(2002), and were married the following August . (2003) He actually moved in the first week in September (2003) because we spent the rest of August on our honeymoon.

The one who I lived with, I met one November (1995), he moved in the following November(1996), We got engaged on my birthday the following year (April 1997) bought a trailer in July 1997, I stopped wearing the ring sometime in there. On our anniversary of meeting, (Nov 1997) he found the ring that I took off. He proposed again, and we set the wedding for August of 1998. He moved out in April. (1998). My dad and I spent our proposed wedding date installing hardwood flooring in the trailer.

What sounds more appealing?

Answer 9

Well, seems like he has no reason to marry you; you are already his live-in. If you would look at many other questions on this site, there are other girls in your position who have made this mistake. He obviously is taking you for granted, and sorry, if he wanted to marry you, he would have done so already. Usually, someone isn't really engaged unless she has a ring and a date.
My advice is for you to move out on your own, regain your independence - date him if you want, but watch for these red flags.

Answer 10

He is having all he wants without marriage,thats the trouble with living together!.
Put your foot down and tell him how you feel,if he loves you he will want to make you happy.
My husband bought me a ring then thought we would be engaged for ever.Once I told him what I wanted we set the wedding date men just dont think the same as us.All the best.,