is it ok to leave a spouse who gave up on his health?

Question

my boyfriend had cancer, as a survivor we all know that its important to eat healthy and excise reguarly. But all he does is eaing fatty crap and drink fizzy drinks, he doesn't even excise, i think he just give up on himself or whatever reason.. his cancer really affect my life and my happiness, now he is not even looking after himself, should i leave him? we are both 27 years old

i tried to talk to him about him ruining his health, but he gets defensive and angry every time

Answer 1

Ignore the first guy's response. It is not selfish of you. You supported him through his cancer. He no longer has cancer.

If your boyfriend had cancer and survived, he should be celebrating and cherishing his life and I don't mean by eating burgers and Twinkies. He should care enough about himself to eat healthy and exercise. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you and him while he had cancer. I think he's lucky to have had you by him during his illness and that he'd want to be healthy so you could spend a happy life together.

It sounds like you have done a lot for him and now you need to think about yourself. If his lifestyle doesn't fit yours, then I would leave him. Why should you have to watch him hurt himself like this and why should you care for him when he doesn't care about himself. Do what's right for you and if he really loves himself and you then he will change his lifestyle or risk losing you. At 27, you still have many years ahead of you.

Before you leave him I would have a serious talk with him and let him know how you feel. Maybe he's depressed or doesn't know how to change his lifestyle. If he doesn't want help or show interest in changing, leave him. Good luck!

Answer 2

Maybe his cancer is genetic, in which case eating healthy and exercising is no guarantee that he won't get it again. Is he your boyfriend or your husband? If he is your husband, you should take your vows seriously - get counseling and be supportive. If there are children, you really need to stay for their sake, I think.

When you say that his cancer really affected your life and happiness, you sound too young and selfish to be in a relationship. If he can't rely on you, perhaps you should leave and give him the chance to find someone who loves him through good times AND bad.

I think you're asking for permission to leave. I would suggest having a talk with his doctor first, and perhaps a therapist, in order to decide what to do.

Answer 3

If you leave him NOW, he'll prolly die.

sweetheart, are you asking this question because you really wanna leave him because of this? or.. you're just being mad at this moment?

The best way is to get him a therapist. He must sure be suffering from depression as well. His cancer is killing him physically, mentally and emotionally. You can't blame him for that. he needs you now. If you love him truly, you can't give up on him.
Give him support, care and love while he's still alive.

If you leave him.., and if he dies.. how would you feel?
I'm sure it's gonna hurt you more than anything.


~ Our deepest regrets are words unsaid and things undone ~

Answer 4

A lot of our partners eat crap unless he is already obese let him enjoy life for a while as he is ALIVE not dead there for let him enjoy being here maybe he ate healthy before and still nearly lost his life give him a break.
I think you do need some counselling as it has effected you rightfully so.
However if he continues to make a mess of his life in many ways well then I would tell him you cant watch and your going to leave,but be a bit fair Good luck

Answer 5

I think you need to give him as much encouragement as possible to help motivate him. It's not the cancer that is affecting your happiness it's his reaction to the cancer. Be patient and supportive but you need to also express what you see happening in his life. Also you need to find a source of encouragement for yourself so that you can continue to encourage him. Otherwise you'll get burned out and won't be able help him or yourself.

Answer 6

If you really love him you will want to stay beside him especially now.
He might just have a different perspective about his situation. May be he wants to enjoy his days now that he knows he has an illness that may end his life sooner than he had planned.
If you leave him because he sees things differently you may make him an even more miserable person. I am sure you do not want to do that.

Answer 7

Look lady. Is he your boyfriend or is he your husband?

If he is just a boyfriend, you can dump him without repercussions because you don't owe him anything.

If he is your husband, they you are going to have to take a deep look into your marriage and find out if its worth saving. Remember, you took "vows" (i use that term loosely) for better or for worse.

But, if you are like the typical woman these days, you'll split not because your man is buggin you, more because you want to experience a different c0ck and are using this as an excuse to get out.

Answer 8

Sounds to me as though he may be depressed, take him to a psychiatrist with a background of dealing with terminal diseases.
perhaps, if he went thru chemo or radiation, his taste senses have been damaged, this maybe all that he can taste.
He needs therapy, possibly medication to treat his depression.
As with all cancer patients, they have a fear of the disease returning.
Get him help, his grooming, malaise and eating habits are signs that he is asking for help
Stick by him, get him help, and things just may improve.
I know its been difficult for you, its even more difficult to watch him give up.
Don't allow him to give up.

Answer 9

Sorry for sounding heartless, but you sound like one of those women who's ready to jump ship once her man has been beaten down by a life circumstance. Those kinds of women are too weak to deal with the reality that their man is not always going to be perfect, strong, and confident for them and himself. If you really love him, you would do less complaining and less thinking mostly about your own feelings, and actually try to help him.....and I mean really help him with all your energy, and be supportive before ever giving up. only if everything sound that you tried has failed should you leave him.

Answer 10

not something provides each person an outstanding reason to cheat. What i imagine takes position right that's that countless those men celebration faraway from girlfriends and their significant different and charm to at least one yet another. They do it because the conflict justifies of their innovations that they could not see yet another day and ..... they back one yet another up with this excuse. Your wedding ceremony vows do not end because you opt for to flow to conflict! A significant different is both dedicated and retains his be conscious or he chooses now to not! The conflict does not propose that you've the right to desert your morals and your note of for the significant different waiting for you at abode. not something interior the international ought to offer you reason to cheat because you often have the alternative of not doing it. each little thing you do starts with a concept so so that you may even imagine about doing it signifies that you'll be able to imagine now to not.once you're taking a concept to act on something its a concept out plan and in my e book not in any respect a mistake. someone cheats because he thinks to do it and because he needs to. If someone can artwork themselves up for temptation they could artwork themselves as a lot as be straightforward and thats the base line. in basic terms because you forgive someone for dishonest on you does not propose that it really is forgotten. It signifies that you'll attempt to placed it someplace in case you may even though it would not propose that it will stay there. regularly even as an significant different cheats on you its a conflict interior of your self on your own emotions and emotions of trust to stay grounded. Its not a lot on how they opt for now to not seem at you even as they cheated its the way you you're searching and seeing them now. Your international isn't an same and it says plenty about that persons personality in how they value their morals and characteristic note of for the single which they declare to love.