How do you raise a strong-willed child?

Question

My daughter is 3 yrs 4mo and very stubborn and defiant . She always wants things to happen the way she wants them. I don't allow that but it is a constant fight and sometimes I lose hope that the situation is going to get better. Is it just a phase? What age can I expect things to get better?

Thank you, everybody. Those were helpful suggestions. I will definitely try them.

Answer 1

One of the best authors in this field, I found, is James Dobson. He has a book out called "The New Strong-Willed Child," and another favorite of mine called "Dare to Discipline." A gentle man, and marvelous parenting advisor, you might also be able to find his radio program on your local radio station.

Answer 2

At that age, it's all about options. Instead of telling her, "Do this," tell her "You have the choice: you can do this (what you want her to do) or you can do that (something you know she won't want to do)." If she goes with 'that', stick with it. She's learning to control her environment; at this point, it's your job to help her discover what she can and can't control.

I've also found that, with stubborn children, you have to lead them into things. Instead of saying 'We're leaving now," if you're at the park, give her some time to finish playing by telling her, "In fifteen minutes we have to go do this... in ten minutes.... in five minutes... four minutes..." and so on.

Pick your battles. If she won't eat her veggies but snarfs down oranges and apples like they're going out of style, make sure she takes a daily vitamin and thank your lucky stars that she's at least getting some fiber in her diet. Making an issue out of what she eats now can lead to diet wars later.

Lastly, stick to your guns. It will get better once your daughter realizes that you're more stubborn than she is, but it can be heart-wrenching since we don't want to see our kids upset. The good thing about having a stubborn child is that they are usually stubborn in other ways and tend to have a much stronger sense of self at a younger age than their more malleable counterparts--which can help as they get older in confidence and sticking up for themselves socially.

Answer 3

How do you raise a strong-willed child - with every clear instructions. Do not allow for contradiction's. Do however allow a channel for the younger to be strong-willed in. Guide it to a desired result. (such as the child may have a preferred structure for their room and toys location)

This may or may not change, however as the child ages they will be able to understand a clearly stated reason for them to do as they are told. My younger one grew out of it around 4 to 5 and the older one got back into it around 15 to 19.

Answer 4

I know that when I give my children choices they are much better about not being defiant. Of course she is going to test her boundaries. That is what kids do. Just stay strong and don't change what you say. She will get it and it will get easier. My daughter got over that at about 4 and so did my son. Thank goodness!!

Answer 5

Well, It goes in cycles from my experience and from what my mom says (she raised 5). The battle of the wills is normal way of testing your limits, not hers. Children are immature emotionally, and so they want what they want when they want it! Or else you get a tantrum. But if you are CONSISTENT in your discipline and rewards for appropriate or inappropriate behavior, your child will trust you and confidence and a sense of security in her and she will be more self-assured and have less issues with low self-esteem. As far as when can you expect it to improve? Well....in about 15 years though. lol That's what my grandma says anyway. good luck and hang tough!!

Answer 6

Is there a way that you two could compromise on some things. If it's about the clothes she wants to wear or food she wants to eat for example, are you able to relax a bit on what you want and therefore make a deal with her that you let her do some things her way now she has to do some things your way. Try and make your way fun perhaps. Otherwise, do what I have done....bribery!!!