Where do I go from here?

Question

Doctors are talking about salivary gland cancer in my husband,I looked it up on the internet and I am devasted. I cant bear the thought of my husbands face being disfigured..or his not being able to eat properly nor to lead the life he has been used to. nor his life expectancy. I am winding up my affairs because if he goes I want to go too. There is no way I want to stay around if he is not here.

Answer 1

hi, our neighbor was diagnosed with same three years ago. told no hope, go home and prepare to die. he went for second opinion and told 'well maybe, if we get extremely aggressive we can buy you a few months more'
he had aggressive treatment, it wasn't always pleasant, but he got through it with a positive attitude.
he goes every few months for tests and he comes back every time with clean results.
his face is not disfigured in any way, he has quite a scar on his neck, but that has faded with time. besides who the he!! cares, he is here, alive, happy and thats what counts! not appearance.
he couldn't swallow for quite some time and had to have a feeding tube, but within a year it was gone and he went to hawaii with his 'most cherished possession', his wife.
they have done a fair bit of travelling since and he is doing very well.
he is back to work, and yes, there are days he tires easier than others, but he is doing very well.
tell your husband to stay strong, and you stand strong beside him.
you tell him to fight.
you tell him you will fight with him.
you tell him he can win this battle.
you tell him you love him.
but dont you dare tell your hubbie you are going to go with him if he goes. he is probably already worried about you, dont make it worse for him.
and you keep telling him, and you keep encouraging him, and you keep praying for him.
positive attitude!
positive energy!
lots of love!
and lots of emotional support.
thats what you can do for him.
this is about him, not you, so STOP IT! i am sure that what you have written here is not your usual self. you are scared for him, after all you love him. but you are going to have to be stronger now than you probably have ever had to be before, and you can do it. you can find your inner strength and use it to help him keep up his courage.
every day they are learning more about cancer, every day they are finding new ways to fight it, every day they are winning more and more of the battles!
be positive and be strong!
good luck - we will keep our fingers crossed and say a prayer for your husband.

Answer 2

You are going through a normal grieving process bcause your life has taken an unexpected turn. I understand your devastation and my suggestion for you right now is to not look up statistics on the Internet. Almost all statistics and information that you find on the Internet is old . . the only info you should look at is anything within the year. Medical treatment is constantly changing, your husbands oncologist may even have newer research in his possession at the moment. I know that my sons oncologist is in communication with a pediatric oncology group nationwide. She has information about his disease and treatment options before any of it appears on the Internet or in other literature.

The first thing you should know is that doctors do not know how each individual patient will respond to treatment. So, statistics really do not matter for individuals. The things that you mention may never come to pass . . you must learn to stay positive and not get ahead of yourself on what 'might' happen. Stay focused on the moment and stay in the present.

My precious son was diagnosed with stage IV abdominal sarcoma. He had tumors throughout his body, some were the size of volley balls . . and we were devastated. But early on we became determined to continue fighting, go for treatment and give him a chance at life . . and we also decided that if life was not possible that we would continue on the journey with him, never abandom him, make him as comfortable as possible, let him enjoy life ( no matter how long or short it turned out to be). There were plenty of tears . . but there was also laughter and joy of being together. You may not see it right now . . but this disease could bring you closer.

Stay strong. You will find your courage.

Answer 3

Honey, that is aweful! I wish you all the strength in the world, as this must be a terrible time.

It is completely normal to feel the way you do, trust me, as you dont know how things will work out. The best thing is to get as much info about your hubby's condition as possible. Maybe you should join a discussion group for people whose loged ones / partners have cancer. I know that where I am from, there are loads of these in Holland (where I am from). They will be able to be a big support to you, as they have gone through what you are going through now.

You most probably will gain your strength back, as you know more about the condition and because you will get constructive advice and support. Your hubby needs you now: If you give up, he will also as you are his srength now.

Besides, having cancer does not mean you will automatically die. Many people have survived. But I understand you are scared. I would be too!

Good luck!xx

Answer 4

Where would that end if everyone of us did that. You end your life there would be someone else waiting to do the same if you do. What a waste of life. Not what I bet your husband would want. Who knows what the future holds and what hurdles you will have overcome. Nobody does. Be there for him like you never have been before. Remember that they are still in talks about it if it turns out to be deal with it on a day to day basis. You will be up and down like a yo yo. Be strong and believe that you and your husband can get through this. All the best my prayers will be with you. xx

Answer 5

,a lady was in hospital with me years ago her face was not that disfigured she had to drink with every mouth ful if it was a dry meal she managed well considering she had no saliver perhaps it won't be as bad as some of the cases you have read I really feel for you if you do lose your partner you have to carry on living I would feel the same and can't imagine life without my husband and always say I would like to go the same time but would never end my life good luck for the surgery, stay strong babe

Answer 6

They always give the worst-case scenario, just to try and prepare you for the worst. I think this is a terrible blow to you, but the best thing you can do for your husband is to remain postive and upbeat, and keep looking for better treatments in other hospitals. He's ill, but research into this illness is going on all the time, and more people are surviving all types of cancers. Don't give up yet.

Answer 7

What you need to do is find out which hospital has the best rate of treatment for this disease.
Doctors and hospitals are not equal in regard to the treatment of every disease. There is Sloan Kettering, Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic.
There are all sorts of excellent cancer treatment centers in the US. There are two excellent cancer centers in Seattle. Try looking up NIH (National Institute of Health) and see what you can find there.
At NIH, they have list of drug and other trials.
Find out where they are studying this kind of cancer and get him there! Don't think about dying when you need to find a way for him to live!

Answer 8

You know there is a possibility if he is aware you dont want to be in this life anymore after his passing, it may reduce his strength to fight.

If you stay and make sure he knows you have no intention of leaving this mortal coil, it could give him the strength he needs to fight on and live longer with you.

Answer 9

I am so sorry. That sounds really rough... however, try and think of the good you could accomplish in his name, for this cause and/or with your family/friends/community. You are a valuable person too! Please don't give up... seek a support group. There are many who feel like you and have been in your position.

Answer 10

Movie critic Roger Ebert is undergoing treatments for the same ailment, so don't feel as though you're alone.