I just had a baby, third child, first time with postpardom depression. could use some advice!?

Question

I didn't seem to have a problem with my first two.but this time I am miles from my family on an army post. I don't feel like I'm getting any help from my husband around the house. They army gave him 2 weeks off to help me and instead he's using it to goof off. My 2 yr old is sick and so I have been avoiding himso that the baby and Idon't get sick. But I feel so quilty and his dad isn't helping. just sticking him in front of the tv. My heart is aching for my kids they need real attention. And it's hurting that I can barely take care of the baby let along the other two right now. Had a csection I can barely get ouf of bed. I haven't eat in 3 days cuz I don't have energy to eat and myhusband hasn't one offered. I lay in my room listening to the 4 and 2 yr old begging for attention and I resent my husband. I lokc myself in my room, if i come out I'mhit with millions of things that have notbeen done around the house.will be continued...

in a few weeks when I heal a bit more then Ill be able to take care of the kids and so on, but it is too much for me to want a husband that I can count on to help until that point? Mostly I'm just ramblin because I have no one to talk to and thought maybe someone out there will understand what I'm goign through. Have to go in and have my baby boy's foot casted cuz he has a club foot and m husband doesn't want to go.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like your husband needs a good kick in the ***. You are not alone. I had both of my children far away from family also stuck on post. I think first you need to tell your husband what you need from him, don't wait for him to offer. And stay on him as much as possible. second see your dr or a therapist about your post pardom, it can be a very serious condition and needs to be treated as soon as possible, if you feel nessessary go to the E.R. and tell them what is going on, and they can get you help from there. You are not a bad mom, you are not crazy, You are just in a funk right now and the faster you get some help the faster you can get out of it. third you need to get some food, call in for delivory or something, you are no good to anyone if you don't keep up your strength and if you are nursing this is especially important for your newborn. I am so sorry you have to go through this, but w/ the right help you will snap back in know time.

Answer 2

It's never easy being a military spouse, and adding postpartum depression on top of having 3 kids and recovering from a major surgery is cause enough to develop it.

1) Stop guilting yourself and stop escaping. Get up and walk around. You won't be able to do AS much, but you can still do something to help your kids (and occasionally bending over and moaning theatrically might help kick your husband in the pants and make him step up).

2) Shutting yourself and your new baby away from the rest of the family sends a message to your kids that says "The baby is more important than you" right now. Your 4 year old, especially, will pick up on this since a baby means even less attention goes to him/her.

3) Find a way to discuss your complaints with your husband in a nonjudgemental way. Chances are, he's as bored as your kids are and that's why he doesn't want to deal with them.

4) Contact your Family Service Center (I'm Navy; I don't know what it's called for the Army), or if you don't know if your base has one (every base should, but some don't) call the chaplain. Sometimes, all it takes is an ear. The chaplain can also serve as a counselor for you and your husband.

Either way, get up and deal with it. Hiding yourself away only makes it worse. You can see a doctor (you should be having a follow-up appointment with your ob soon, anyway) and discuss your options there, too. Good luck with everything.

Answer 3

Honey that type of depression has caused women 2 do some stupid thing to there children like murder and/or @ least these woman who did something stupid used that for an excuse all I ask is that u get some help.A relative that can take time out to manage the older kids and the home until the older 2 go 2 bed then have a friend come over 2 help u .What kind of husband doesn't help his own wife. Just cause he works don't mean he can't help.U certainly didn't make any of these children by yourself....get u some help and medical help for the depression.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you have to go through this, I am in the military and I sufferes from post-partum depression after giving birth to my daughter. The good news is, there is a lot of help offered on the military installations. First of all, try and contact you women's clinic or your primary care manager and tell them what's going on, they can refer you to some one. Also, check with your Child and Youth Services, some post offer a few hours of free child care, you can use that for your older children. There are also play groups and other support groups for spouses, check into these soon. As for you husband, sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling, let him know that you need some help around the house, hopefully that will help. Please take actions asap, not taking care of depression can lead to serious actions. Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

You need to have a serious discussion with your husband and try to get him to understand what you are going through. If he won't help, you need to call your ob gyn and get some advice. I would not necessarily say you are suffering postpartum, just husband that does not seem to be interested in what you are going through. Did he want another child? Do you have any friends that are close by? But number one thing you are going to have to do is get your head clear, get out of bed and take care of your children no matter how bad you may feel. I hate to be cruel, but somebody has to take care of these children.. Take care of your sick child, just remember to wash hands good before taking care of your newborn. If your husband does not want to help, you need to call your parents, relatives or somebody and make arrangements to go some place for assistance. You must try to remember though that your children are your first priority. Do you have the money so that it may be possible to hire somebody to come and clean your house and help with the children until you are healed. You have to be strong and keep telling yourself you can do this. I hope that your husband comes around and will try to do his part. Remind him that you did not get these children by yourself..

Answer 6

Do not feel guilty or down on yourself.
You are on base, is there a support group for moms?
Ask the people at your medical facility if there is a Douala that can come to your house and help you. Husbands can be useless sometimes, us women sometimes need to depend on ourselves. My children are 3 and 2 but they help each other alot, can your 4 year old help? If you are breastfeeding do not worry about avoiding your 2 year old, frankly most germs are air-born so living in the same house you all get it anyway.
Take your feelings seriously, you are not alone in them and there are programs to help.
If you tell me which base I will research the services available in your area, even if you are in a different country.

Answer 7

First of all, you and your husband got together to create those 3 kids so he needs to get off his bum and help out and be a father and a husband.
second of all, try and enlist some outside help such as a neighbor friend to come over and watch the kids and help catch up on housework.
Your hormones are all wacky right now and your life has been turned upside down...things WILL calm down and you will find your routine again. Have faith and remember, youre not alone!

Answer 8

First of all I have seen first hand what your going through. Put that together with your husband either not understanding or not caring and you have the potential for disaster! You say your on a base.I know they have counseling and they can and will help you. But do yourself a favor and dont tell your husband until after you get help (if at all). He will take it as an insult and much more! You need help-friends, family, counseling...just get it before you regret it.

Answer 9

When you take the baby in for the 'well baby check up', tell the doctor that you are feeling this way. There are a variety of ways that they can help. Medication may not be required.
As for your husband, tell him how you are feeling and if he doesn't get off his duff and help in a meaningful way, you are going to lose it with him.
You are not the only woman to deal with this and you should do a google search and see if you can find a support group online.
Good luck.

Answer 10

been there.. and i know this feeling baby blue ha.. especially when yur husband not cooporative at all calm down this part of our live every women will have to go thru this first dont ever get upset with yur other kids bcoz thing might get worse and try to take a nap when the baby is asleep coz sleeping is very important or talk to someone may be yur mother, inlaw,sister or friend this might help also try to understand yur husband situation may be he stress too he need to work u know and take care of you and yur children so take care of yur health and try not to think so much