Would you be irritated if your boyfriend was looking up other girls?

Question

I found that he had been searching for 2 of his exes and about 18 other girls he had been browsing on my laptop on MySpace when I was at work. I'm a jealous person and got mad... I already don't trust him on the net because his ex sent him graphic pictures of herself and he kept them for about 7 months until I made him delete them.

We've been going out for 3 years now... and I love this guy to death. Ahh what should I do? I'm so mad.

nope.. i stick to my close friends... i have no reason to go and look for other guys. my exes are my exes for a reason.

we planned on getting married in about 3 years... when we are financially stable... ill be back from boot camp in september and i'll be done with college soon after that

nah it was just an expression... i love him, but i love myself more... i'm not needy, just hurt easily =\

Answer 1

Men looking at other women is close to what a woman does when she window shops. However, I am talking about woman in general, not his ex's.

First you need to be calm and explain to him how you feel, how his attention toward other girls makes you feel miserable, and you show it by acting jealous. No one likes a jealous person so make your jealous actions a result of your feeling miserable. Make this about yourself and not him. He is the one that you are trying to sell this idea to so you don't want to put him off.

You can also tell him that it hurts you when he looks at other girls because it makes you feel like you are not doing enough to make him happy. Again you are trying to convince him of your views so you don't want to blame him or make him feel like you are putting too much pressure on him.

You need to also discuss your trust issues. Lack of trust can destroy a relationship like finding half a worm in a piece of apple you just bit into. To have a good relationship you both must be able to trust each other, otherwise it will drive you mad. Tell him you want to trust him, but when he saves those pictures of his ex girlfriends it hurts you. You don't want to think of him leaving you for her, but to you it looks like he is considering it.

Then ask him why he feels the need to contact these women. Ask him if your relationship is making him uncomfortable. "I thought we were great with each other, and I want it to be that way. I don't want another woman getting between us." Once again keep it "I" and "you" statements.

Forcing him to delete those pictures makes him look bad and makes him think that he is henpecked. I completely understand why you hated to find them, but FORCING someone to do something is not a wise way to handle thinks. Ideally he should want to do it because that is how he can make you happy.

Searching for other women on YOUR laptop is pretty stupid and unless he clears the Internet History and the Cookies it is pretty easy to track where he has been. This also contributed to your anger. Tell him that it made you think that he wasn't taking your intelligence in account. He isn't that stupid (well in this case he is) so he makes you feel like he thinks you are stupid or that you don't value your intelligence. You know this isn't true, but this is how it makes you feel.

Find out the email address of each woman and make sure to add her to your spam or junk mail list on your computer. He can easily go into that folder to read their emails, but it will also alert him that you don't want to hear from these women. I don't suggest going behind his back and doing it on his computer, just as I don't suggest forcing him to do it. However, when he has sexual conversations with these women it hurts you. "I understand if the women are trying to force themselves on you and she sent you those graphic pictures without you asking for them, but don't you see how this hurts me, how it makes me feel?"

You have to confront him for your own sanity, but you have to do it in a way that won't put him off or make him want to quit the relationship. Your jealously can easily drive him away so you need to control it. However, "A relationship is a two way street. I don't offend you by looking up my old boy friends, or downloading graphic pictures of them. I know how that would make you feel. I just want you to understand how doing something like that makes ME feel."

You need to be honest and you have to hold him to the same standard as he would hold you to. You need to communicate this to him and make your requirements reasonable ones.

Long distance relationships don’t work well when the couple is apart because the need for trust between them is very high. So you need to handle this problem before you go, and if he can’t stay true to you while you are gone then you need to rethink your marriage plans. Being in the military has its own stresses that hurt a relationship. Long deployments in dangerous areas are just one. The military is well over 50% male and in mixed units affairs are common (I know a couple that met and got married in boot camp—US Army 1991). The pay is pretty poor, few people join the military for the fabulous pay scale, even a General’s pay pales in comparison to that of a CEO. Military requirements are tough, and extra pressure is put on both members of a couple. This can easily destroy a marriage (I have seen a few put into danger from it).

Answer 2

Yes I would be very irritated if my boyfriend did that. Fortunately we have a great relationship and I have access to his email. He wants me to trust him and I do. He has never giving me a reason to wonder. He by his own will has opened his life to me.

I am not a jealous person by nature, but it is disrespectful and a thorn in the relationship for either of you to entertain the opposite sex. Friends are ok, but it should be out in the open.

Your boyfriend shouldn't be accepting such pictures or having conversations of that nature with another women. You need to discuss this with him and he needs to delete this type of email without question. You should be able to trust him and know that you are the only women for him.

Good luck, I hope it works out.

Answer 3

It used to irritate me at first, especally when he'd come home from work saying "I was on a job and this girl was flirting with me, and I could have easily gotten some" and that really bothered me because it was like he was telling me "I could go find someone else no problem there" but he said he told me that stuff to show me that while he could have, he didn't. It's really hard to look at it like that and I do eventually, but it still bothers the hell out of me.

I think you just have to weigh the pros and cons. If he doesn't respect your feelings, he doesn't respect you, and everyone deserves some of that.

Answer 4

You maybe should think about getting another boyfriend. If this is how he shows how he feels about you, he is not the one for you. If he does this to you after going togather for 3 years, this does not look well for the long time future. You should be more than irritated, but you should move on. I know that may not be easy, but he isn't going to get any better. Good Luck.

Answer 5

HELLOOOOO!!!! What do you mean YOUR BOYFRIEND? Sorry girl, you don't have a boyfriend. You plan to marry this guy. Can't you get a real life. I don't know if its "What's up with him or is it what's up with YOU". Come on, I'm pretty sure you can do better than that. A person doesn't know how good they have it until they lose it. You are way to good for him so go and find your real match. Pick wisely and good luck.

Answer 6

Sorry to tell you this but he is bored with you. I doubt he has the same feelings for you as you have for him. Ask him if he feels having more women than yourself makes him more of a man and if he refuses to answer or tries to give you some line or lie tell him you are looking for a real man who can be with just one woman and that woman is you. If he can not be that man adios because he is still a kid.

Answer 7

First of all, remember that possession has NOTHING to do with love! You need to deal with the truth of the matter, and that is that your boyfriend, whether you like it or not, has wandering eyes...and unfortunately your anger and inability to accept this fact isn't going to change him. He is who he is, and either who *YOU* are is compatable with him - or not. You can rage at him all day and night, but I guarantee that it wont change him or mold him into who you want him to be. He may begin to fear your reaction and naturally want to take his fun to a more secretive level, but this isn't going to bring you any close together. Hiding who he IS from you will make him resent you. A lot of men (and women for that matter) do not fit neatly in the 'monogamy box.' I suggest you humor his wandering eye, and do your best to encourage him to just be his natural self with you. Otherwise he's going to feel forced to hide what he's doing from you - and once that starts, well, let's just say the hiding gets easier to justify. Men hate having their wild nature fenced in. It turns them into rebels. Trust me, you don't want a boyfriend who rebels - against YOU!

Hope you work it out. :-)

Answer 8

only you know if he would cheat, personally I would be piss'd. He really doesnt have any right to be looking at other girls when you r at work, its real sneaky. I would start giving him a taste of his own medicine and let him catch you looking at other guys or flirting a little. He will come to you with his tail between his legs!!!

Answer 9

Yes

Answer 10

My first question for him would be, "If your happy with me then what are you looking for?" He obviously is looking for something that he feels he is not getting from you, or he is getting bored with your relationship. I am not saying thay this is your fault, but you should let him know that you are not only jealouse but it makes you feel like he is looking for something else or more, and it makes you question his true feelings for you. It is direspectful for him to be looking up other girls knowing that is with you, expecially his ex's.