MIL was drunk when I went to pick up my son, how should I handle this??

Question

The other day my mother in law asked if she could watch my son, I agreed without a seconds thought. I never would have thought what I seen when I came back would have happened. I came back to the house to get my son, I knocked on the door for a good five minutes before she got to the door. When she finally opened the door she was staggering around and she reeked of alcohol and appeared as if she had just woke up. My son looked like he had been screaming and, his stuff was scattered all over the place and her house looked like it was wrecked. When she went to pack his stuff back up into his bag, when I got back home I realized that she had put dog treats in his diaper bag. When we went to leave she went to pick up my son to hug him and almost dropped him i quickly grabbed him from her and was so furious with her I just left without freaking out on her. How should I handle this, my husband is beyond angry with her. I don't know what to do, I know I don't want her to watch him

Please understand I would have NEVER let her watch him if I would have thought she would have done this. I never thought she would. It makes me feel like a bad mom because I should have said something to her. But do know that she will NEVER EVER again be with him alone in her home.
I just want to know if I should say something to her or let my husband take care of it because it is his mother. His mom and his dad are divorced and his dad and his new wife watch him all the time and I didn't want her to feel left out that is why I let her watch him.

It makes me so angry knowing that what if something would have happened to my son what explanation could she have given me.

Answer 1

Oh my gosh thats so horrible. It's a sad day when you cant trust your own Mother in law to be responsible with your child. Let her know that you are aware of her intoxication, and what she does in her own time is her business but as long as she's in your child's presents she should remain sober. Tell her that if she wants to be around your son she should seek help, however, if she doesn't believe she has a problem it may be hard for her to understand why you're doing it. Just stick to your guns and remind her that your son and is safety come first and fore most. Good luck

Answer 2

There must be a reason why she was drunk--it wouldn't hurt to ask her when she's sober and you're (slightly) less angry. Either way, explain to her that your trust in her has been damaged and it's going to take a lot on her part to convince you she's capable of watching your son again. If you don't want her to watch him, then don't let her watch him. Be calm, be concise and make sure she knows your reasons. She'll probably get angry, but I'm sure it'll be as much from embarrassment as from defense. No matter what, I think you're making the right call in not wanting your m-i-l to watch your son again.

Answer 3

You and your husband need to talk to her about it soon. The condition she was in, the condition of the home, the fact your son appeared to have been crying, the dog treats in the diaper bag, that she nearly dropped him, and that it took her too long to answer the door. (What would she have done if he'd been hurt or sick?)

The two of you should think through exactly what you want to say, couched in terms of your concern for her and your responsibility to provide safety for your son. You should have very concrete boundaries and conditions under which she would EVER be allowed to care for your son again, and make those very clear to her. Then, offer to help her find some help for her drinking problem.

By doing it that way, you're using her behavior while he was in her care to express concern for her health and well-being... but you're also letting her know you won't let that happen again.

This "confrontation" can happen when you choose (soon, and when you're prepared) or when she forces it by asking to care for him again. Better to get it out of the way soon. Don't put it off.

Another alternative is to seek out a Drug and Alcohol Counselor (get one with a high level of certification and a lot of experience) to help facilitate this meeting with you and with her. A good counselor will help you prepare the points you want to make, and will have resources to offer your mother in law.

Hopefully, she will realize the need to get help and will give your son many years with a sober grandmother.

Answer 4

you did the right thing just taking your son and walking out confronting someone when there drunk is a fight you do not want to have in front of your son and it sounds like he went though allot already

I think you and your husband should go over to talk to her so that she understands you both feel very strongly about what she did and that you both will never let it happen again and if she ever wants to be around her grandson again she will get help there is never a good reason to drink around children

i hope you have sat down with your son and talked to him it will help him understand

Answer 5

You poor thing, what a terrible situation to have to deal with. I guess you just have to be grateful that your son is OK and never let her mind him again. Dealing with an alcoholic or binge drinker is best left to professionals. I know you must be furious and airing your question on here hopefully will help you. A drinker will only change if they want to, you would think that having your son for the day would keep her sober, she obviously has a serious problem. Let your husband deal with it, it's his mother.

Answer 6

I think you did the right thing by just leaving and not exposing your son to your (justified) outrage and the conflict that would have arisen. You obviously had no idea your mother-in-law would do something so awful, so forgive yourself. Thank God your baby is safe and let your husband handle it, but if she asks you tell her why you won't ever allow her to be alone with your son again. Maybe it will shock her into getting help. (Anyone who gets drunk while caring for an infant needs help!)

Answer 7

First of all, calm down. Your son is fine. But yes, you should never allow her to watch him again. You should let your husband explain to her that the two of you are angry and have him tell her she won't be trusted with her grandchild anymore. No second chances. And then leave it at that. Make sure she understands that she can still see him, but she can't babysit him. And also make sure she understands how disappointed and hurt you are that she would be so careless with your child.

Answer 8

It doesn't matter how close you are to someone; if you feel your child may be in danger, do not take a chance.
You do not have to feel bad about confronting the mother in law. this is not just something small; like she gave your child candy and you didn't want her to. She was drinking to the point of being hazardous while WATCHING your child. That is not excusable. If she has a drinking problem, maybe she should seek help.

Answer 9

Well, I'd say her babysitting days are over. Technically your MIL endangered the welfare of a child and could be charged with a crime.

Time for hubby to do some serious booze-hound intervention. HE needs to deal with mommy. Not your problem.

But never leave Jr. alone with the lush again.

Wow I am the only guy so far that's answer this question. I'm so special! :-D

Answer 10

Wow... that's rotten. The solution is simple enough, though. NEVER, and I do mean NEVER, allow her to watch him in her home ever again as long as she has a drinking problem. And I do believe she has one if she was DRUNK while babysitting.

If she ever does decide to get help with her problem, and when the time is right, maybe you can allow her spend short amounts of time with your son in YOUR home until you feel that you can trust her again.