My hubby & I love each other very much. The only problem is that he is mama's boy. His mother stays with us & he is very devoted to her. There is no trouble yet between him, his mom & me yet. But it does get to my nerves at times. If sometime I say him something about him mom, he turns deaf ear to it & instead begins finding fault in me. His mother too loves to spend more & more time with him & chats with him a lot more than me. Also she comes to sleep with us sometimes. She makes him do things as she wants. She treats him like he is a kid. Talking to him doesn't help. What should I do? Please help.
2007-02-07 16:36:16 · 20 answers · asked by cute_sulakshana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS??????? SHE SLEEPS WITH YOU?
GET OUT!!!!! HE BELONGS TO HER! i think its too late for you
2007-02-07 16:39:01 · answer #1 · answered by fruyazol 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The other posters are right in saying that you should not criticize the mom to your husband. You need to make some changes and see if it helps. For instance, be the most attractive woman possible to your husband so he wants to spend private time with you, and make positive statements that build him up as a man. Let him know he makes WONDERFUL decisions for the family and boy is he a great leader, and oh my goodness you just read about a woman whose terrible husband did ___ but you know your husband would never do that because he is responsible and takes care of his family. Pretend that the things you want him to be are already there, and compliment any little thing you see in him that tends that direction, and given a little time, those things will grow. After you've done this for awhile you can start hinting that there are times you'd like your virile, handsome, attractive husband all to yourself, and see if you can't get him to spend more time with you. As you build him up it will help him be more separate from his mother. Whatever you do, don't act like the two of them make you feel like a third wheel. Just spend time with the three of them and if they are having a conversation, go up and join it.
2007-02-08 03:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I know the mommy's boy thing well. It isn't so bad anymore. You have to put the damper on it really quick. You have a problem because she is in your home with you, OUCH!
I wouldn't ever argue with him about his mother. that don't really do any good. In fact if anything it will make it worse. It will put him on the defensive, causing him to be even more blind to what is going on. On top of that you will give his mother reasons to get even and try to turn her son against you.
I ended my delema by gaining his mothers love and affection right along with her son, my husband. That in turn brought he and I even closer.
One thing is for sure you and your hubby need some alone time. Once in the while a whole weekend would be really nice. If you could afford a cheaper, but nice hotel or inn would be nice. And maybe once a year a whole week together would be nice. That will help to build your relationship and make it stronger.
Once in a while you and he need to go out to dinner. Then at the last minute you suggest taking her along. infact you insist on it. I remember doing that. I used to want to bite my tounge. It helped tho.
Then you and her spend time together. When she starts talking about her wonderful son you let her know that you agree. Re-inforce the fact that he loves her a great deal. That one really worked with my hubby's mother. That helps the mother to know her son isn't ditching her for you. Let her know how special she is to you as well.
You have to set boundries tho. If you don't both her and your husband will walk on you like a worn out carpet. Just don't make your boundries to tough or outlandish. Be fair, even if she isn't.
2007-02-08 00:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by sandra_k19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that you were unfortunate enough to marry a boy. There are a few things that need to happen for us males to become a man. One of the most important rights of passage to manhood is to cut the umbilical cord. I have seen many people decide that their parents are more important than their spouse, and I am here to say that is very wrong.
Now that you are in the situation, I am sorry to say that you only have two choices. First, this one only counts if you do not have children!, leave...it will only get worse.
Second, if you have children, confront the child you married, take him to a counselor, and kick the mother in law out....your children depend on it. Make sure and have the boy you married grow up and become a man!!!
2007-02-08 00:45:42 · answer #4 · answered by gibson_slayer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever you do do'nt say any bad about his mother this just get her more fuel for her fire. I had a mama boy he 52 year old and live with his mama I move out and now i have a peace of mind and now Im happier than I ever been before. I have a real man who work buys the bills and he loves only me.
2007-02-08 00:43:25 · answer #5 · answered by afl7367 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are his wife and you should be the most important woman in his life.You shouldn't have to put up with that most women wouldn't. When you get married it is time for the mother to step aside a bit and let you be the woman of the house.You should confront her about this.Anybody else would.She definitely does not belong in you and your husband's bed.That is just ridiculous.
2007-02-08 00:47:12 · answer #6 · answered by *ACDC* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say.....but,....I would pack up and go. I've been there and all it does is get worse. If at all, your husband needs to grow up IF EVER! You're right, talking won't help and he will find fault in you. It's really, really bad that she's living there. Your mother-in-law will ALWAYS be in control.I wouldn't say anything anymore but, get a lawyer file for legal separation (I don't trust mother-in-law or your husband) DON'T TELL THEM! Get yourself out of that horrible situation. I DID! Later I divorced him. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. But, it's better than what you're going through now. You deserve to be HAPPIER?
2007-02-08 00:44:08 · answer #7 · answered by ********* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG...I'm assuming that what you mean by her "comes to sleep with us sometimes" means that she sleeps in the bed with you two?? Dang, I would have no problem telling her to get on the edge of the bed, so I could get in the middle and start molesting my husband. If either of them had a problem with that..."What? You don't want to have any grand kids??" Get out!
2007-02-08 00:41:18 · answer #8 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on his upbringing,
girl theres nothing you can do to change him.
Just stop nagging that he is mama's boy if you are.
What ever happens just ignore.
Does she live with you?If yes then rent another apartment.
Your husband need to be pampered that's y he goes to mam ma,
You be more polite and loving,cook and pamper.
See how this thing goes.
Good luck.
2007-02-08 00:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by kims i 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She actually sleeps with you in your bedroom??? I'm speechless. I was really in to this until I got to that part. It's so not normal that I'm not so sure your problem is even for real. If it is......you need to get mother-in-law out of your house as soon as possible.
2007-02-08 00:48:50 · answer #10 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is she staying with you because she can't take care of herself. you need to pose an ultimatum. tell him that she is getting between you and him... and that either this home is your home as a couple, or it's their home as mother and son. tell him that your mom needs to get her own place (she can get assited living if she needs it) or you'll be finding a place of your own. maybe even just stay with a friend for a few nights so he gets to know how lonely he'll be without you.
2007-02-08 00:41:05 · answer #11 · answered by Karen H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋