Am I overreacting?

Question

Lately, I've been finding my hunnie's behavior a little bothersome. The other day at a restaurant, I caught him continuously staring at this girl who is very ugly but has a nice figure. Then today he commented on how big I am and how I would look a lot better with a flatter stomach. This really bothered me because he is not attractive himself and I've been struggling to get back into shape (I'm not fat though, just bigger). I gave him the cold shoulder and wouldn't let him touch me. He said I should know he's just joking and I'm overreacting because Im insecure. I know i'm NOT overreacting. I'm upset though so I want some people with clear minds to comment on whether I'm wrong to feel mad! Thank you =)

Answer 1

You are not over-reacting at all, but you might have reacted even more to improve the situation. Don't just ignore him and pout when this happens, because that won't fix anything. You might do one of two things: 1) tell him that his opinion of your body upsets you and that you wish that who you are as a person were enough to make up for any inevitable imperfections; or 2) just make light of the situation and tell him you like they way you look and that he should get over it. I have tried the second approach. I told a boyfriend once that I liked my poochie tummy, and I gave it some goofy pet name and explained this in sort of a baby-sexy voice. He totally got over it because he could easily see how secure I was about my body, and almost all secure men really prefer women who are secure over women with perfect bodies.

Answer 2

You should feel mad.
Staring at a women with a good figure is not a real reason to be upset. It's programmed in that we always look but it isn't like women window shopping. It is a long way from looking to doing anything and the number of women he will look at in a day could not possibly be serviced by him.
There are however better ways to tell the person you love that you think they may benefit from loosing some pounds. If he knows that you have been struggling to get into shape he should ask how he can help with the process and get involved to improve his own condition. What he did was negative criticism rather than positive encouragement and would make me mad too.

Answer 3

I personally would be mad too! Were you the same size now as when you guys first met? If you were smaller before, maybe he was more attracted to the old you....if you were the same, then he's a bit mean. I think he could have told you in a more constructive manner than using the words he chose. He's obviously not joking...guys should know that that's not a funny joke. It's one of those jokes that he actually means in his heart. I would try to sit him down and tell him (calmly!) that you wanted to let him know that the way he said that upset you. Tell him that you have been trying to lose weight (make sure that it's because you want to and not for him) and that it's been hard. If he still hounds you or "jokes" like that....go find yourself a real man that will love you how you are!

Answer 4

You are trying to get back in shape, and because of that this comment hurt you. I would be ticked off too. Tell him there are plenty of things in life to joke about, and he doesn't need to make you the joke. A lot of people say crappy things and then try to cover them with "I was only joking." You are right to be upset. If he continues you can tell him to hit the road or you can comment right back to him about his failings. The latter is a bad idea really because he will feel crappy and not see that he is doing the same thing. Personally, I'd rather be without him.

Answer 5

While it may be difficult to understand why your boyfriend looks at other women, understand that it his biological imperative to impregnate many women that makes him want every woman he sees, even the ugly ones. Even if you looked like a Playboy bunny, your honey would still let his eye wander. Although, if you had a nice body, his eyes would return to you quicker. Finally, I don't know if your fat or bigger, but if you stomach goes out further than your breasts, get to the gym for at least an hour 4 times a week and eat healthier. For the guys, if you can't see your genitals when you look down, hit the gym!

Answer 6

Your man is exactly that- a man. Everybody looks. Some people are just a little better at not being so obvious about it. I wouldn't freak out about him looking until it gets to the point of staring. When that happens, it shows his disrespect for you and your relationship. As for the 'flatter stomach' comment: Unless he's got washboard abs, tell him to shut the h*ll up!. Many times people point out others imperfections because they want to deflect any comments about their own. Be confident in who you are and consider looking for someone who will appreciate you and want to show you off!

Answer 7

You have a right to feel mad! I would if my boyfriend said that I would look a lot better with a flatter stomach. He obviously doesn't respect you and for him to say he's just joking! I wouldn't believe that he's a jerk! He does have a lot of growing up to do (IF EVER) on how to RESPECT. But, there are a lot of others, too! Sorry to say but, I would get rid of him. You're too good for him and I'm sure you'll find someone that will RESPECT you and ACCEPT you for who you are!

Answer 8

Your not wrong to feel mad or HURT!!! Talk to him tell him what you feel! If you have a hard time talking write stuff down and then give it to him! Just dont yell or raise your voice it tends to make the conversation more uncomfortable! Then come to an agreement if he thinks you could loose weight and you think he could start working out together! Just tel him he needs to support you! And hey Sex is a great workout!!!

Answer 9

You have every right to be mad.... Looking at other girls is wrong, especially when he's with you, and giving you negative feedback on your body.... I'd say he's a jerk and if he's not that good looking dump him to the side like the piece of trash he is and find someone better that is good looking and will actually respect you for who you are...

Answer 10

Yes, you should be mad. Nobody deserves to be disrespected like this -- nobody. this guy is supposed to take care of you, love you, support you, encourage you, etc etc etc. There's a man out there who will love you and think the world of you. No sense in wasting anytime trying to "convince" someone to find you attractive, when so many others will do so willingly.