She thinks that she makes the rules for him. (Even as a baby, I could say don't give him something specific to eat, it would make him sick. Later in the day, she would give it to him--just to see if I knew what I was talking about. Then she'd tell me you know I was actually right, it did make him sick. (I think that is cruel)
I say he can't have something, she tells him that's o.k. she'll get it for him. They bad mouth me constantly.
When my husband (her son) was in the hospital with cancer--I stayed in the hospital with him 24-7, yes so did she, but she would have the doctors giving her his medical reports. (I'm his wife, legally I should be able to make the decisions, I'm the one on the living will and his medical power of attorney--like always I swallowed my feelings and just let it go.) One time in the hospital, she actually turned to me and said, "I guess I have to say you love him. You never once complained any time he asks you to help him."
2007-02-07 15:20:47 · 17 answers · asked by Rahab 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm grateful for those giving genuine advice. No I do not live in her house and no she doesn't live with me. (I'd honestly be dead by now if either of those senerios was true.)
Yes I did try to politely ask her to back off. It ended very badly, she had her sister jump onto me too and explain that grandmothers ran things in their family. I should have to explain everything in detail why my instructions should be followed, etc... I gave up and ran away in tears.
My husband tried to tell her they needed to respect me. Basically she said I was manipulating him. For him not to worry. If we got divorced--because she was pushing that for a while--She could pay for it and she and he could pay for a great attorney to take my kid. He informed her that if we divorced, our son would primarily live with me. (That was the only reason I think that she backed off on that.)
I know that it sounds bad, but I'm to the point of hoarding money away, so that someday I can move far, far, away.
2007-02-07 15:45:48 · update #1
what a B-
Oh sister, I would cut that witch out of the picture.
Its your husbands family and let him deal with them.
Your house your rules.
Get some balls sister.
Its a power struggle and you are losing!
I took "on" my Italian Mother in Law on her turf in her kitchen in front of the entire clan. My husband, was told he better stand beside me or behind me, if he once betrayed me it was OVER>
He married Me- not this mother. When she is in my house, my rules and my children. Play nice or hit the pavement. These boys I created are mine with his name- got me. MINE as he is now.
Being the good wife and hostess, smiling and serving after dinner desserts, I walked into a horrible arguement and my husband was almost in tears. i quietly observed who was attacking him. Whoa- not in my house. I actually threatened the oldest woman in the clan in my livingroom. I whispered in her ear, to shut the F up, this way my house, my husband and she was upsetting him and I would personally kick her wrinkled old A out of my house, if she opened her ugly mouth again. Got me? I looked in her eyes about 5" from her face. All the while smiling and pouring some ice water and handing her a piece of cake.
The next time that happens- you talk to the doctor alone and limit any person besides YOU to only two hour visitations Per Doctors orders. No hospital policy to back him up. It works every time.
Get the butchest and meanest nurse a batch of brownies and have then enforce it.
Never let anyone walk all over you. YOU are not a child. Step up.
2007-02-07 15:38:00 · answer #1 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband about her first and see if he understands. If he does, perhaps he can talk to her about it. If he doesn't,perhaps he can at least be understanding of your feelings about her and ask him the best way to approach it. It sounds like she is very dominating. As far as your child is concerned, speak up and tell her not to do the things that you dislike. Maybe if she sees that you are strong and assertive she will respect you more. It might be uncomfortable and hard the first few times and it might just take a few times before she backs off and stops pushing your buttons. If she doesn't take it well, too bad. There is always some sort of family tension in all families and they just have to be dealt with or not. Maybe she'll decide to stay away more...wouldn't that be nice? Good luck hon!
2007-02-07 15:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by luvmykids 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First congrats on the expectant baby. Your MIL sounds like a selfish woman to me. I'd say count your blessings that your aren't having a girl because your MIL would just make you and hubby both miserable in her spoiling of a grand daughter. You can't change people, how they think or react to things. But, you can change you. Don't worry about her not congratulating you or making any comment about the new baby. Keep treating her the way you always have and know that you're doing the right thing. Love your hubby and kids and don't her bother you. Good luck
2016-05-24 05:25:56 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have my sympathy. But you also have my admiration, because I can tell you have handled her in a very mature way. I will never understand why MIL's are this way. It's one of those unfair things about life. But I guess you saw hints of how she is before you married her son - - - - sooo.... you will just have to hang in there and make the best of it. Don't let her run all over you though. And avoid allowing her to babysit. But if she has to, the child will survive. Continue to love and support your husband, and no matter what, don't ever let him feel like he is in the middle of a power struggle. If he's smart, he will speak to her about things when necessary, but if he doesn't, let it go. Don't let that woman destroy or put a strain on your marriage, okay?
2007-02-07 15:33:22 · answer #4 · answered by TPhi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. are you living under her roof to be able to tell you what to do with your child? if so, why? move out.
2. stand up for yourself. you are the mother of the child and the wife of the man. this position over rules any other mother, grandmother, stepmother, etc. just look her dead in the eye and say....I appreciate all you do, but this is my child and my husband. please let me do my job as you once did you job.
3. if she doesn't like it....ask her to leave, specially if its your house. no one, no matter who they are, has the right to tell someone else what to do in their own house, period. that is just morally wrong on so many levels.
4. if he's laid up, sick, cancer, then you need to be the mom and dad, grow some balls, and put her in check so its one less item to worry about so you can go back to your job...being a mom and wife.
2007-02-07 15:25:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is that you talk to your husband first, let him know what bothers you about your mother-in-law and to find a solution on how to deal with it. If your husband doesn't get it then the only choice is to either tell your husband that you are not going to her house so as to avoid any confrontation or if she visits then give an excuse to leave and do something fun with your child.
2007-02-07 15:32:27 · answer #6 · answered by Fallen Angel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try and stand up to her, it seems like every time she says something or goes against something you ask her not to do with your child you let it pass. Sit her down and look her in her eyes and tell her you don't appreciate the way she treats you and you want it to change. Did you try talking to your husband about this to see what he has to say?
2007-02-07 15:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by Waythere 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to her nicely and see why she is like that? Has she always been like that? I'd say dont make a bid deal out of this, if you do it will upset your husband also ( I see that he is sick and I dont think its good for him to worry about the situation going on b/w you and his mom! ) But I would say maybe, MAYBE talking to her might help. Good luck! and that is rude, she should NOT be like that with you, at all! If you are nice to her then she should treat you the same.
2007-02-07 15:26:06 · answer #8 · answered by Scorpio Girl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to have a good all out heart to heart with her and lay down the law when it comes to YOUR family. I would suggest that you do this alone, but make yourself 100 % clear. Tell her that you know that she loves her son and her grandchildren, but you feel like she undermines you as his wife and mother to your children and it needs to stop. Make sure that you tell her that you love her and you want her to have a big place in your families life, but her interference is having a negative impact on the relationship. Then you need to have a heart to heart with her son and tell him that you expect him to back you up on the 100%. good luck
2007-02-07 15:28:57 · answer #9 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's not really much you can do. I mean you could tell her off but then the relationship between you would be further strained and that would cause additional tension with your husband.
I never liked my ex-mother-in-law and if I would have spent more time with her before I married I would have called it off.
2007-02-07 15:29:32 · answer #10 · answered by Claire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋