What do you think about making children apologize for their actions?

Question

I think it's more important to explain to the child what he or she did wrong...if they apologize when they're not sorry, that teaches them to lie to make people feel better, wouldn't you say? It's good manners of course, but I think lots of parents forget or don't want to take the time to make sure that their children know what they did wrong first (also, to anyone who agrees and has children, I've heard time outs rather than spankings result in more thought on what the child did wrong, in case you were interested).
What do you think?

Answer 1

I think it is more important to follow through at home and be sure your child understands what they did wrong and how it affects the other person. If they don't understand that, how can they give a sincere apology? Many times, it is more important to consider the child's feeling & understanding of the situation than the adults' feelings at the moment. Your child will feel respected and loved, as well.

Answer 2

I agree. If a child has done something wrong or hurt someone in some way, it is important that they understand why what they did was wrong and also how it hurt you or others (eg talking to you rudely). Once the child understands his/her wrong-doing, hopefully they will take it upon themselves to aplogize. You can't, however, force a child to aplogize for something that they aren't sincerely sorry for. What would this be teaching them? That lying is okay. That others can dicate their emotions. That apologizing is the easy way out. I think children also need to learn that just becase you apologize, doesn't mean everything is okay again. My young daughter got into the habit of apologizing for everything and then she was confused when one time I said - Thank you for apologizing Sarah; but that doesn't change the fact that you hurt your brother very much when you hit him. Kids need to learn there's not always going to be a second chance, a third chance to decide on the 'right' action their whole lives; best they learn it now.

Answer 3

I think a parent who doesn't make a child apologize when they've wronged someone is being irresponsible... and teaching their child they don't have to have manners unless they feel like it, and don't have to be concerned with other peoples' feelings.

By teaching children to say, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" they learn to think about what they say before they say it. By doing it your way, the victim of their actions or words gets nothing... which is just not a responsible way to raise your child.

Do we want to raise another generation of children who don't own up to their mistakes promptly, but put it off until they "Feel like it"?? I think not.

Answer 4

It kind of depends on the age. My child is 2 1/2 and when she does something wrong I can see the emotion on her face if she feels bad about it. And I help her identify the feeling that she feels bad and teach her that saying sorry is a good thing. She doesn't have to do it after every little thing and usually only when I see the remorse so that she learns what that feeling is and what she can do with it. If you have an 8 year old that doesn't say sorry they probably aren't going to say it and mean it though.

Answer 5

I think the child needs to find out what they did wrong and then apologize for it.
When my 5 year old took some gum from the store I explained to her what she did wrong and why it was wrong. Then I took her back to the store and had her tell the manager what she did and then apologize to him for it. She will tell you theft is wrong no matter how small the price tag is she is now 15 and still remembers it.

Answer 6

I think you can have it both ways. You should explain to your child what they did wrong, and why they need to offer an apology. Just making your child apologize does nothing, but they need to learn to do so when it is the right time, and they need to understand why they are being asked to apologize.

Answer 7

I first explain to my kids what they did wrong and how it effected others before expecting them to apologise. I put it in terms they can understand or empathise with. Otherwise the apology isnt real. Now they know straight away if they have done something wrong and apologise profusely before I even say anything.

Answer 8

they need to know what they did wrong and then apologise. Eventually they will not need you to tell them what they did wrong they will develop their own conscience . I am for time outs so they can think about the action they did that put them there and learn that the action has consequences

Answer 9

by not making the child face the other person, is like telling the child they got by with it. all they had to do is listen to you tell them why it was wrong, now make them tell the other person why it was wrong. i have 11 and 9 yr old and trust me it works. i have tried everything

Answer 10

i think u are 100% right
my nephew keeps yelling around and when i tell him to say sorry he looks at me as if i'm asking him to throw himself off the bay bridge. Now though i realize what to say i go up to him and say"Eric why do u think i have this expression on my face" and he says"because i was running around the house and throwing things" and i say "what do u think i want u to do" and he says "stop it" and i say"why" and he says "because i can break something and get hurt" and i say"well do u wanna get hurt" and he says "no antie jolie"and i say okay then"what are u going to do next time and he says Be good and dont run around anymore" and i tell him to give me a kiss and a hug and thats that! He was good again....its only sometimes i have to remind him