Diciplining a difficult child?

Question

I care for a 4 year old who is impossible to deal with most days. I do not spank him because the law forbids it. I sit him in timeout as all the specialist recommend. While there, he will get up continually, so I put him back. When I do, he hits, punches, spits on, pulls my hair , kicks me and calling vulgar names. I approached his Mother with this issue and all she said was " He must not like you for some reason" . He hits everyone including her when angry. He has a very explosive temper. I try explaining how it makes others feel and all he does is scream on top note " I don't care, you are mean" Any suggestions????

Answer 1

You don't have to spank to get the respect and the idea that you call the shots across. It is evident that this child KNOWS that he is the boss. In trying to teach Independence to our children we are teaching them chaos. Children need rules discipline and need for us to tell them what is next. They don't need to make decisions. Hold him gently by the chin and make him look into your eyes and in no uncertain terms tell him that "here you will not stand for this behavior" No choices. Kids want to be wanted. Tell him over and over and always make him look at you in the eyes. Stare at him. It works with animals and it will work with children who are lost in "parenting kindness space".
No wonder we have so many hoodlums in the malls harassing everyone.

Answer 2

I know it is very hard to deal with a child like this, I have one, he is Autistic though and has language and social problems along with this, but their or things that you can do to keep him in control.

First off continue to put him in time out. Put him in time out for the vulgur talk as well.

You can try a sticker chart to for the cussing. Every time he goes an hour without saying a bad word, but a sticker on the chart, after he has acheived so many stickers in a day then he can earn something small. If he goes the a week then he will get something a little bigger.

Now, you also might try this approach. Put him in time out for the things he is doing wrong. Keep putting him back until he sits appropriately, not necessarily still just appropriately. Then when he is not in time out reward him for doing good deeds such as picking up the Toys are sitting at the table nicely. This willl inforce good behavior.

I am sorry that i am not much more help than this.

Terrie

Answer 3

Yes. As a former Child Protective Services worker in Texas, and one who supervised others and trained others, I can tell you that if you live somewhere where spanking is against the law, I'd move. You are taking away one of the most valuable learning tools a child can have, all because some "bleeding heart liberals" have somehow determined, in all their wisdom, that spanking at any level is child abuse. I can tell you that, as one who is degreed in the mental health field, and has 20+ years experience, now retired, if you are not allowed to spank or use corporal punishment within a reasonable framework, you are being forbidden to raise, or sit with, a child, and if the mother thinks that the problem is that her sweet, charming baby doesn't like you for some reason, I think you need to find another place to work. Mother has set you up in a "no win" situation. You need to move on. There ain't nothing wrong with you. Mother, on the other hand, needs a bit of educating and counseling. And I truly feel sorry for the 4 year old boy who is being denied healthy parenting, because he will pay for that neglect in years ahead. God Bless you.

Answer 4

When he is doing nothing, sitting in front of the telly or something, acknowlege this as good behaviour "Your sitting there so well James, i really like that," nice and casual. When he is doing something not so great, ignore it for as long as u can then sugest an activity, or recall something funny that happened earlier or a past event the child enjoyed, redirecting the behaviour towards good

also, never tell a child what NOT to do, "dont throw sand" alway tell them what u want them to do "keep the sand down low" etc

Answer 5

As only the "care giver" you don't have the right to put your hands on this child...so spanking IS against the law in your case. All I can tell you is that you have to be consistent put him in time out, explain why he is there and continue to do it every time he gets out of time out. No, it's not fun, yes it is frustrating...but YOU chose to take on this job. That's one of the little problems with taking care of someone else's children. It doesn't matter whether the parents use physical violence against the child or not. If YOU do the parents can have your butt served to them on a silver platter.

Answer 6

Sadly it sounds like mom isn't consistent with him so even though you are it means nothing. I would have her find someone else and call you local early childhood interventions to see what you could do to get him the help he needs. This is probably poor parenting and will never get better unless his parents get some help on how to deal with their child.

Answer 7

The "Law" is what his parents say is "Law' Ask them what they do ? Bust his butt and then put him in time out or what? If they say "no spanking ' then tell them to find another baby sitter. I'm from the "Old School" and an *** woopin' does wonders for attitude adjustment

Answer 8

The Mother is the problem here. She wants her child to like her so much that she let's him get away with murder. She is creating a monster.
I would refuse to provide care to him.

Answer 9

honestly, If this is how his mother reacted, I would tell her that if she can't find a way to change his behavior, that she needs to find a new daycare provider. You should never have to put up with this, and especially since Mom doesn't seem too cooperative.

Answer 10

He is a difficult child. Perhaps you may have to change your way of dealing with him. Instead of disciplining him when he is behaving bad, praise him when he is good, reinforcing his good behaviors. Hopefully, his unpleasant acts will disappear.