what is happening here? Please help?

Question

I do not know what the problem is. My daughter's father and I broke up almost three years ago--he was the only relationship I ever had--and now I am trying to get back in the dating game--I have only been on three of them--and there is never a second one--for about 1/1/2 years after me and my daughter's father broke up I was not interested in getting in a relationship or dating--I wanted to learn to love myself and learn who I was first--so for the last year or so I have been trying to get back into the game--I think I am a beautiful, intelligent, and fun woman, I am only 21 years old--so this is sort of getting depressing--I don't mean to sound so desperate but that is the way it has been for me--my sister told me to go on match.com--I e-mail and wink at people--but nothing seems to be working out--my friend told me when you are not looking that is when it will come to you---I 've tried that too--what is wrong here--what should I do--thanks for opinions from both men and women

Answer 1

its really tough to wait for the 'right person' when your feeling alone, trust me you're not the only one. you're in a tough situation because i can tell that you are a very mature person (partly because of how much you have been through already) and ittl be tough finding a guy your age who has the same level of maturity that you have. but there is a man out there and in time you will find him. in the meantime just try to enjoy yourself, spend time with friends and also ask your friends to be on the lookout for somone who would be a good match for you, thats usually a better way to find somone then an online dating site. i wouldnt recommend going to bars to find somone, alot of guys who go to bars are 'on the prowl' and thats not what you need. get involved in different kinds of activitys, try to find a support group for single parents maybe you will find a single father whos been through simaler situations that you have been through. waiting sucks, i know because thats what i'm going through right now as well, but everything will work out. good luck.

Answer 2

Your friend is wise and you should listen to her. Generally it is hard to meet someone when you are looking. For those times you have been dating what has the conversation been about. I've been on a dates with single mom's before and all they talked about was their children. Not that I don't want to hear about what is the most important thing in their life is. I guess my point being don't make it the theme of the date. Life is about moving forward and being happy. One theme that always came through dating single mom's was the past.
Second if you don't have a lot of money, so what. A guy doesn't want to hear about how hard it is to make ends meet and stuff like that. Stories about the children's father is fine but again not the reason you are on a date. Your on a date because life moves forward. Oh and a big disappointment for me was the self induced curfew to be home for the kids. Kinda takes the spontaneity out of the whole date.
If you go on a date, go on a date and commit that evening to you. My best date went all night and we watched the sun come up.

Answer 3

I have been in the exact same position you are.I'd go out with someone and "IT" just wasn't there.Finally I met HIM.He was a blind date.We have been together 1 1/2 years now.Things are great.Just don't give up Girl.You are alot younger than I am. I Wish I was still 21. In fact ---if somebody asks my age, I say 21 and wink.I know you are lonely and you probably cry yourself to sleep sometimes.I feel your pain but I also know you WILL find someone.Sometimes good things come to those who wait.Just keep your confidence and know that one day soon someone will be lucky to find you...........

Answer 4

You know, when you look to hard, you wont find it...It will happen, i was 40 before i got married and not for the lack of dating and boyfriends, my career was more important at the time, i also didn't want to have kids...
When i wasn't looking it happened, don't wait til your 40, you get to use to having your own home, then some guy comes in to the picture and UGH now you have to take care of him LOL...
Good Luck Girlie, it will happen...Get out there and met people...Heck you could just make a great friend or find you new mate...How knows :)

Answer 5

You may have answered your own question, YOU'RE ONLY 21, relax honey it'll happen, focus on yourself and your child and when you quit looking then that's when you'll probably find it. If you really want some positive exposure try checking out a parents without partners group or maybe take a class at a community college. Hang in there!

Answer 6

Your problem is pretty common. There are very few eligible men who are worth having and the ones you have dated just aren't what you are looking for either. Don't give it on your set of standards. You are still young and it may take a year or more to meet someone who is compatible. Good luck.

Answer 7

Take your time about it - you don't want to rush into a bad relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. It is mostly when you are not looking that you will find someone you like who likes you. Go out with your friends, to movies, dinner and clubs. You could also try RSVP - they are very good.

Answer 8

go to a bar and wait for a guy to talk to u just remember dont go home with him. and it sounds like u might have feelings for the father and maybe u arnt trying as hard as u think. good luck. the right guy is out there.

Answer 9

wow..i never would have thought you we're 21..it seems like ur 41

just calm down..dont do the match.com thing..cuz that gets a tad bit creepy

just be you..stop trying so hard..and dont wink...ever..unless ur mocking someone who winked..or trying to get an eyelash out of your eye..

just get out there..go to a club or two...chat with the guy at the water cooler..do something..just dont overdo it

hope this helps <3

good luck

Answer 10

Some men just dont want the extra baggage of someone with a child, your probably not looking in the right places either, just be yourself and be open to new things!