What is the funniest or craziest thing you have ever seen on an aircraft?

Question

Would love to hear from pilots, military or civilian, aircrew, airport workers etc. or just passengers. winning entry gets to laugh as loud as I will at all the other entries! The only funny episode I had was flying with my marines on a "starlifter" to washington (winter training in yakima) and they had us eat before we left, after 30 minutes they let us know we were going to fly "low" for training. In the turbulent air, one after another of my marines, well, ate again! I have never seen it so bad (my gunny refused to leave the head) and I never, ever laughed so hard in my life. Oh and in case you think I did not care about my men, I helped clean up the "mess" with them when we landed!

Answer 1

While in the Air Force, a team of us (6 people) were flying in an old Irish built, propeller aircraft ( I can't recall the type, but the AF used them to transfer aircraft parts among bases within the European theater). The aircraft was extremely sparse and the seats resembled the old two-seaters used on yellow school buses (there were just 3 in the plane). When removed, there was just enough room to fit an assembled F-16 engine inside.

We were flying back to Germany from England. I might add the aircraft was extremely loud, and we had to holler at each other to try and communicate. Also, the weather was cold and we were flying so low the pilot had to use the windshiled wipers over the English channel. Heat was diverted from the cabin to the windshield to prevent the wipers from freezing. So everyone was tense, cold and could hardly hear others speak.

During the course of the flight, nature initiated her early warning system on me, but the urge was slight and I knew I could wait until we landed. Yet, I did start to wonder about the toilet facility, when, off to the side, I saw a five-gallon paint can with a toilet seat somehow attached to the top of the can. I started conjuring up all kind of mental images associated with that can, when one guy leaned back to the others and said something. One of us obviously heard him because he pointed to the can. We're all still straining to see out the windshield, when we turn and see this guy, perched atop this can, pants down, with a sheepish, embarassing look on his face, with us sharing this moment with him! A couple of guys started screaming something, as he just sat, with this beet-red quizzical look on his face. Finally, a guy on the end of a seat hopped up, went to the corner, and flipped back a thin, long panel to reveal a plastic curtain tucked inside. He pulled the curtain out and swung it around the guy sitting on the bucket, similar to the action of a curtain rod around a small circular shower stall.

Within a few seconds we all busted out laughing. But that was a peep compared to the laughter when he re-emerged from the "toilet." He sat, red-faced for the next 40 minutes, until we landed in Germany. He kept trying to turn to different people to explain his ignorance, but no one could hear him. That poor fellow got ribbed forevermore during our team travels in the Eurpean theater. His gag gifts included things like a rain coat with cut-off pants legs included, a clear shower curtain.....

Answer 2

German commercial passengers have no patience...ever... it is not uncommon to see them jump up and get their bags shortly after touchdown, and that is only because they always clap immediately after touchdown and right before they jump up to get their bags to beat everybody else off the plane.

My story was while flying into Charles de Gaulle, Paris France, from Nurnberg Germany. Mostly German passengers, the plane touches down and the claps resound. Then many of the passengers jump up to get their bags. The Stewardess, a beautiful French women, gets on the intercom and starts with the whole "Remain in your seats and leave your seatbelts fastened until the plane has come to a complete stop and the Captain has turned off the seatbelt light" Just as she finishes, and none of the standing are paying her any attention, the pilot hits the brakes hard. The isle looked like human dominos. They all just started falling and taking the next person with them. Must have been 20-25 people going down like dominos.
The stewardess rolls her eyes, keys the intercom and says,
"I told you so!" In English with her soft French accent.
I immediately broke into a fit of laughter with tears rolling down my cheeks. As I looked at the passengers trying to get back up and into their seats, they were looking at me rather upset. The more I tried to stop laughing the harder I had to laugh.
I got to talk with the flight crew after deboarding and they said they fly that route twice a day. And 9 out of 10 times the passengers get up while the plane was still doing it's taxi. But today the pilot had to stop abruptly due to other traffic. The cockpit crew said they heard me laughing and knew what happened and broke into their own secret fit of laughfter.

Answer 3

I was in the jetway waiting for everyone to get off so we could take it to the hangar. The pilot said there was a drunk passenger in the back and he wouldn't wake up. Now, he got drunk on a 35 min flight from Detroit. Needless to say the Captain and Flight Attendant had to almost carry him out. He tripped getting into the jetway, the smell of booze was so strong I couldn't help but laugh. After the crew let go of him he fell about every 20 steps into the terminal.
Had one of our Apaches when I was in the Army blow over a port-o-potty in front of our hangar in Iraq. He was doing a test flight, and our pilot was well known for buzzing everything. Flew over the hanger with 20 ft to spare and nosed up to land in front, the rotorwash blew it 50 ft down the ramp. Yes it spilled everywhere, and smelled great in the 130 degree heat.
Seen several people not want to put on seatbelts in C-130s. The best was doing a descent into Baghdad from 20,000 ft. But you do it all over the field, its all twists and turns and very steep. Those few people "floated" around a bit on the descent.

Answer 4

That was a good one!!! I work at an airport and we always get a good laugh when the drunks are denied flights and then arrested for public intox. I have seen them do everything from attempt to run down the ramp and try to bribe the flight crew to, vomiting all over themselves and others and then we had one man who the flight crew propped up against the wall to go call for assistance. He fell face down and peed all over himself. He looked like a tree falling. We were headed up toward where he was standing and watching him fall was so funny. He never knew what happened and never even woke up when he was taken to jail. Some folks never cease to amuse me, which is why I love working at an airport!!

Answer 5

I had Huge Live Crabs crawling around in the cargo hold of a 747. One of my friends took some home and cooked them. Also, one of my friends found a kid's flashlight shaped like a hippo that produced a laugh when you turn it on and the mouth opens and the light comes from it's mouth. He's a mechanic. He would do his cabin inspection with this flashlight so that the passengers and crew would see him with it when they were walking out and he was walking in.

Answer 6

A toilet mounted on a weapons pylon on an A-1 Skyraider. Motive? Let your imagination run wild.

Answer 7

Ok there was this one time, I was working the flight line at NAS North Island (Coronado Island, Ca.) there were 3 f-14s 2 E-2s and a C-2 outside and one of the 14s and one of the E-2s were fired up but chained down...the E-2 has jet prop engines and when you go under the plane you have to be clear of the props and under the jets in back...well I was on a bike heading out to check something out in the plane but wasnt careful to keep my head low when going behind the engine...a jet blast caught me and sent me rolling down the tarmac in the direction of the blast still on the bike, flying but not pedaling...luckly it wasnt too bad and I didnt tumble and get skinned...BUT...when I was heading back to the break room all the guys were standing there all laughing their butts off...from that time on I always paid good attention when around a powered up aircraft...Oh yes there was also this one time when we were doing wire mods inside a C-2 (cargo) plane and one older woman electrician grabbed a crewmembers relief tube in the cockpit and started talking in it like it was a microphone...she dropped it instantly when we had that horrified look on our faces that she for one instant had forgotten what it was ...then started laughing...she started spitting and we could not stop laughing ...too funny...

Answer 8

We often "took a leak" near the aft fuselage & tailboom of UH-1 helicopters [LOCATED NEAR THE CREWCHIEF'S SEAT] in order to avoid rotor-washed urine splash. A HQ married officer was relieving himself when we heard the crewchief on intercom state: "I can't believe this guy...oh well....".
Just as the officer was "finishing", I directed the crew chief to remove flight jacket and helmet....and was given the "yes sir".
As the officer was pulling at himself, he looked up at the crewchief.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON THE GUYS FACE AS [the crewchief] HELEN GRINNED AND FLUFFED HER HAIR!!

That was the last time he ever looked her in the eye....

Answer 9

Too many to tell! I've been in military and commercial aviation all of my life...as a pilot and on the ground...worked for airlines and for FBO's, etc.

1.) We had an antiquated B-727-200 come ferrying in late one evening. It was picking up passengers for one of those $99.00 riverboat gambling overnight tours. The flight engineer was frenzied because they had had trouble maintaining pressurization during the short flight to our airport...no passengers...and they flew at a relatively low gas-guzzling altitude.

We finally discovered that the door seal around the forward cargo door was torn and partly missing...causing a slow leak. So the engineer and I finally found some tubes of bathtub caulk in the janitor's closet and we caulked the cargo bin door shut.

2.) Another time I was working at a high-end FBO...where the private jets park. Our customers were usually high-end types...business CEO's, movie stars, kings and presidents, etc. One night we had a blizzard that dropped two feet of snow and a small cargo plane (King Air 100 N86TR LabCorp) ran off the runway, broke its nose gear off, and the right engine caught on fire. After all the commotion died down, the pilot got a call from his office that he HAD to get the cargo out of the airplane because it would be destroyed if it froze. So we braved the blizzard to unload the airplane and stacked the cargo in the FBO's main and warm lobby...to greet all who entered...where it remained for two days until somebody finally picked it up. The cargo was about 150 boxes loudly labeled "Urine Samples - Biohazard."

3.) Another time we had a small corporate jet arrive early in the morning. Somebody at our FBO had dropped the ball and the catering order was never made. The pilots were livid and their passengers were due to show up any minute.

Most corporate jets have some sort of left-over catering on board when they arrive. Traditionally, the crew gives the left-overs to the line workers. There's always a ton left over by the end of the day so a lot of it ends up in the trash...along with fancy faux-silver trays, cutlery sets, etc.

So my co-worker and I dumped out the trash can in the line shack and quickly created a couple of "veggie trays" and misc. sandwich trays from the garbage. No joke...we cleaned off everything and made it look pretty...and gave it to the crew "with our compliments due to the error."

4.) Another time a drunk showed up in our lobby. He was slobbering all over the place and annoying customers so we called the airport police. Before the cops arrived, the drunk had staggered into the men's room. When the cops arrived, we pointed to the men's room and said "he's in there." A few seconds later, out come the three cops with the "drunk" in tow...reading him the riot act, etc. Unfortunately, the drunk was in a stall and Estee Lauder's husband...who had just arrived and was not seen by anybody going into the men's room...was apprehended whilst washing his hands. So out come the cops roughing up our high-end customer while the drunk is wretching in the commode.

5.) One more...I'm on a roll. A chartered jet (I think it was an IAI Westwind) was parked at our front spot...right outside the lobby. The captain was pre-flighting the airplane as he awaited his passengers. He was at the rear of the jet...and he stood up suddenly and banged his head on the rear mounted engine. A drain tube on the bottom of the nacelle gave him a really nasty gash on the top of his head and blood was pouring out of his head and all over his face, arms, and starched white shirt. We got the bleeding to stop and he recovered his senses in a short time...we called off the EMS people. Meanwhile, his passengers arrived, and he had no choice but to greet them...still slightly dizzy and covered with blood from head to waist. Although the PAX were apprehensive at first...after a short and obviously convincing conversation, the airplane with its passengers and bloody pilot departed on schedule.

(Don't get me started about my days as an Army helicopter pilot when we accidentally "invaded" Mexico or used your hard-earned tax dollars to hover over a pecan tree to knock off the pecans for the crew chief to collect.)

Answer 10

a light multi-engine airplane (probably comercial pilot) taking off from a taxiway at a uncontrolled airport on a nice and shine VMC day....