I am very good friends with my ex and I do still love him, but there are many many problems between us. My ex and I get along great but we have a seven year history filled with ups and downs. Alcohol and partying have been a huge part of our past as well as lying and cheating. He has cheated on me twice in the past and I have cheated on him once. We have had violent fights and many comunication problems. I have decided to move on but we keep in touch and we still talk every day and we have had sex together many times. I feel like there is something between us that wont die and like we are so close that we almost cant live without eachother but i desperatialy want to see what else is out there. He has threatened suicide if I leave and he has tried once I dont know if I am more scared of him hurting himself or if I really do live him!! I am keeping him in my life and it is killing him because I dont know what I want. I love him but I feel like there may be something better for me???
2007-02-07 14:33:50 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Your description is interesting - every time you say something positive there is a but.
It reads not so much like someone in love but like someone who is an addict. I like drinking, but I can do with out it. Yeah, right.
Your relationship is crossed with alcohol and drugs, you "desperately" want to see what else is out there - and he threatens you with suicide to make you stay.
With all due respect, it does not sound like you love him, but you are addicted to him. You want to quit and you feel you can't. From what you have told us, this is NOT a healthy relationship, and its only future is BAD.
Leave. Try meeting new people, a new style of life. If he reacts badly, that's HIS choice, and you are not responsible for that.
If I'm wrong and this really is love, it will stand a separation, and hopefully some time apart might give each of you a clearer view. But the only way you will know is by going.
It will not be easy - it will probably be painful - and you cannot predict what he will do. But it's your best - your only - choice.
Go for it. Because after all, it's your life, and it's the only one you've got.
2007-02-07 14:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you are seeking an objective point of view here. It does seem like you're unable to do that for yourself and I think it's important for you to see this how other people see this and in simple terms. There seems to be so much going on, but it really is simple to see what needs to be done...as an outsider here.
You are certainly in an unhealthy relationship. I think you both are hanging on to scraps and pieces of what was good in your relationship. As a whole, however, it sounds like your relationship was mostly dysfunction and hurtful.
I think you both are refusing to let go of the little scraps and memories. This in combination with an unwillingness to feel the pain that accompanies any severed relationship (good or bad) is just avoidance, plain and simple.
You need to break ties with this guy, feel the pain of the loss, and eventually move on. Get involved in something constructive that doesn't involve him. Get rid of the memories to make it easier on yourself.
You are not to blame for his actions nor should you feel responsible for his threats to commit suicide. If you believe he's serious, you need to tell someone close to him about it and wash your hands of it.
I know this all sounds cold and probably isn't what you want to hear. But, I believe your "feelings" for him are misplaced. I believe you need to cut the strings and eventually find the person you are meant to be with. Love IS work, but it isn't unhealthy, destructive, deceptive, manipulative, needy, or indecisive.
Thanx for sharing so much of yourself. I wish you courage to do what you know, deep down, is best for you and your future.
2007-02-07 14:49:16 · answer #2 · answered by K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the most difficult thing about a relationship is when your head and your heart tend to disaggree..however i think that when that occurs it is a sign that something somewhere in the relationship is not right or how it should be for your own and your exboyfriend's health... i got out of a two year relationship just a little bit over a week ago, but we've been very close friends for as long as i can remember. he cheated on me, and when i asked him about it he lied to me and i believed him.. then eventually a year later i found out it was true all along..its hard because you love the person but my mind was telling me that i didnt deserve to be treated that way. you have to ask yourself...did you cheat on him to subconsciencly get back at him for treating you poorly? and if that is not the case what caused you to do it. relationships are wonderful because you get to know a person on a special level and at times you feel that you know them better than you know yourself. ive learned that it hurts more to hold onto something that you know isnt right than to let go of something that has been hurting you all along...my parents are divorced and their break up has taught me alot.. as a young woman i like to find strengh in setting my expectations of other people.. i'd like to think im strong enough to tell myself that i will not date someone who will hit me or cheat on me or play mind games or just treat me poorly. because the most important thing that you have is yourself, and when someone makes you feel worthless they are depriving you of your honor and self respect.. you may always care for him because perhaps he was your first real love but in a healthy relationship, your mind and your heart will always aggree..you will love the person and at the same time you will believe that it is what is best for you to be with them.. once your head and mind dont aggree i think its time to reconsider the situation and begin to think about moving on... what girls need to realize is that there ARE wonderful guys out there..dont cut yourself short of meeting one of them because you are busy trying to please someone who threatens to hurt themselves because of your actions... dont let him tell u that you would be the blame of the things that he does to himself because you are not to blame, it would be nobody's fault but his..
2007-02-07 14:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to just get over him. if he wanted to kill himself he would have already done it. there are better options out there. u just need to look. u two can still be friends but find someone else.
2007-02-07 14:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is all about choices...make a choice. No one else can make that calll for you.
2007-02-07 14:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...there is this Nowak girl from NASA and she drove to.....
2007-02-07 14:38:12 · answer #6 · answered by fuzzbutt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋