Admire step-mom more than mom?

Question

My mom was there for me, loved me and whatever. My dad was a philanderer, didn't find that our till high school. They divorced when I was 19. Old history. Now, my mom is ths same. My step-mom (my dad's high school sweetheart who he didn't marry till 2 divorces, but very happy now) is awesome. She's a total pragmatist, very willing to listen to other people, able to accept alternate points of view, very compatible with my own political persuasions and willing to be an activist about it...the problem is this: my mom is my mom, but she's a coward. My step-mom is tremendous. How do I get over feeling that my step-mom is stronger? I know that my mom is my mom, and that's that. But my step-mom's so much more in line with me...feeling ambivalent...

Answer 1

If you feel your step mom is stronger, maybe she is and thats why you respect her. znothing wrong with that. Just remember mom is mom. You are fortunate to have 2 moms who love you and are positive role models in your life.

Answer 2

Wow, that's a tough one to answer, as I share similar, but different experiences.

Similarly, my parents divorced after being together for 30 years. Hmmmmm...

She remarried her high school sweetheart: a total cocky bastard jerk, and he remarried to a controlling and isolating psychopath who eventually dumped him after cleaning him out.

I've lived with both "steps"....I don't regard that word, step.

I've not liked either.

I don't particularly think my mother is all that great either, so who's left to admire?

My father.

He's the only one left. I take care of him as he's now in his mid-70's. He's the only one that really stuck by me in all of my hours of need.

My mother never did.

So, it really is relative.

My mother would never stick by her kids and she doesn't do so now. Cowardly, if you ask me, and a huge example of an unloving parent. So, how should you feel and view your situation?

Do what you feel comes natural. That's a very difficult department. I don't think anyone could tell me how to handle my situation, although some have tried. They're just not in my situation to know enough what to do, let alone how to take such feelings!

I don't know if I helped.

Good luck...

Answer 3

Its perfectly fine to feel that way. I also believe that my step mom is truly better than my real mom, but I still feel good about my mom being my mom. I think that just because you get along with one better, that you should feel guilty or want to not. Cherish that relationship, you never know when you can use some real good advice.

Answer 4

Its ok to feel like that, but I beg of you that you never tell your mom thats exactly what you think because it would probably crush her.
Also, your mom might be a coward on things you are strong with, but then the things she feels strongly about, you may be weak in. Everyone picks their own battles.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with admiring your step mom and having a great and friendly relationship. Like you said your mom is your mom and therefore inspite of her short comings, your loyalty should be to her. What are your mom's strengths?

Answer 6

It's refreshing to find someone who actually likes their stepmother. As for your mother, perhaps she's not as happy or maybe she's just not as easy to be with. Whatever the issues, it's fine to love your stepmother but while you do not need to think your mother is always right, easy to talk to, or even likeable, she is your mother. You don't have to agree with her or her lifestyle. All you have to do is HONOR her. And be nice enough to not discuss your affection for your stepmother around your mother. That's not cool.

Answer 7

you can admire whoever you want to! The main thing is to just love and admire yourself !