What would you do if you found your dad for the 1st time in 21yrs?

Question

I've heard nothing ever good about him and only that he was a junky and tons of other bad stuff. Now I have his address 21 years later and I don't know what to do with it. No one in my family supports me finding him, but part of me what's to know and the other part is scared to death if they all are right. Which part should I listen to?

Answer 1

First, move slowly. Second, do you have anyone who would be a support to you while you work through this issue?

I have an adopted daughter. Her parents lost their parental rights because of substance abuse.

I've learned a great deal from her about the love of a child for their biological parents. So I would say you should contact your father, but (1) have absolutely no expectations about how he'll respond. (2) Use your support person to keep you grounded through all this. (3) Be prepared for him to either ignore you or embrace you with open arms and then abandon you again.

If he has a substance abuse problem, his drug will always be more important to him than you are. He may actually love you, and think about you, but he loves and thinks about his drug more.

You must be certain that you protect yourself first and foremost. He may want money from you, he may play you, he may have no interest in you, or he may be open to a relationship with you.

Just remember, if he is still using, then you cannot trust him to keep his word.

At least by contacting him, you will get a sense of who he is, learn his medical history (which is very important) and let him go with love if he is still active in his addiction.

We all can love people that we just can't be around because they will drag us down with them. Sad, but true.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

They probably are right. If you still want to meet him, be very careful. Follow your relatives' advice in terms of what he might do; for instance, if they advise you not to give him your address, don't.
Don't expect to have a good relationship with him. If he were that kind of person, he would have met you a long time ago.
But as long as you don't expect anything from him, go ahead.

Answer 3

Go with your heart. You've been without him for this long so I don't think you need him, but if you wanna know find out. You can always try lookin him up first, see if he's as bad your family says

Answer 4

If he lives close by, why don't you find out where he hangs out and have someone you know ask around about him, who he is now. Find out if he is working.....just ask around. BUT, I wouldn't get involved in his life or even let him know that your interested in knowing untill you get more information. Be Safe. And by the way, families will lie to you about things if they are afraid of loosing you.

Answer 5

Do what is in your heart. Be prepared for the worst and be safe - bring someone with you. Contact him in advance - surprising someone is for the movies not real life.

Maybe see a therapist about it before and after.

It might be tough for you if he does not want to see you etc.

Good luck

Answer 6

you owe it to yourself to at least meet him once. take somebody with you when you go. somebody you can trust. then ask questions you like to ask. But don't be too hard on him right away. you can also call DR. Phill and ask there opinion.

Answer 7

Listen to your heart. Its your dad and you deserve to know him, but that doesnt automatically mean you have to like him. if they are all right about your dad then dont talk to him. But its your right to know your dad.

Answer 8

i guess the first thing i would do is ask him where he's been... i mean, why he isnt there, wasn't there...

Answer 9

try ebay