my daughter is in high school and lives with me.
i take her to school and doctor appointments , wic, ect but i told her she needs to take city bus to school and she wount do it and i told her take the cab (it's free) to wic and doc appointments and she wount do it what should i do ?
im thinking of renting her an apartment asap just to teach her about real life.( should i?)
2007-02-07 13:00:18 · 15 answers · asked by N/A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think that this time is really hard for your daughter, and for you too. I would say that you should help her sometimes, just to let her know you are there in case needed, but you ought to make her know too that now she is a mommy and needs to start being responsible. Why don't you propose an agreement? Take her to the appointments but let her go alone to school, at least she needs to tae care of herself!!!
2007-02-07 13:20:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, your baby had a baby -- until she is out of school you still need to do what you can.
Renting her an apartment isn't going to teach her anything except that mom will pay for an apartment. If she 'won't' do the things she needs to do and own up to adult responsibility, what do you suppose would happen if she were on her own? I see 'drop out' written all over that plan.
Get her through high school. Neither baby will benefit if that doesn't happen. It's one of those d*mned if you do and d*mned if you don't situations and I don't envy you at all.
After she graduates will be soon enough for tough love. Just start making plans for that now, because it's not going to be easy. Does she have mental problems? What's with this "she won't" business? Sounds like therapy is another appointment she needs to go to.
2007-02-07 21:10:57 · answer #2 · answered by laurie888 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off is renting her an apartment real life? If the Dad says you are doing too much. Let him do it. You made your children which obviously you take care of. This is their child. Let them learn. You can help them learn, but don't give it to them. I know that has to be hard to do. Especially when it is your child. Someone made you learn though. Having a child young is not a crime. Having a child is never a crime. I have a lot of friend who had kids when they were young, it is like they felt resentment for bringing the child in to the world and wanted to be young and free. It does not work that way. Help show them responsiblity, don't enable it. You will know what is right. Don't let them hurt you though. Just support them. They are really young and have a lot to learn about life and a lot to explore. You will know what is right to do, your a mother, mothers don't always know what is right, but they have a great way of trying. That is not always what is easy. Stand your ground. She will still love you always and forever. Your her Mom.
2007-02-07 21:09:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is a very immature girl facing mature problems. She wants mom to still take care of everything. You can't do that. She has to grow up too quickly but that is reality. You MUST step back and let her deal with her own issues - they are hers.
I speak from experience, and you can't let her issues come between you and your husband. Renting her an apartment would not solve anything. She doesn't sound responsible enough to take care of baby, keep up with school, doctors, social services, etc. This very reason is why adoption was the choice of choices previously. All babies are sweet and wonderful, but when a 17 year old has to deal with all of this and isn't near ready to deal with it it is a nightmare for everyone. Babies deserve a better more stable life. She will have to make her own mistakes but you do need to be in BACKGROUND to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or the baby by her negligence of responsibilities.
2007-02-07 21:09:58 · answer #4 · answered by derbyfilly513 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have to HELP your daughter until you can be assured that she and the baby are secure. If you want to teach her a lesson, don't worry, she got it already. Just don't overdo it. Make sure that she's the one getting up with the baby and doing 90% of the care. Make sure you never give in on babysitting and taxi service, when there are other viable options. Encourage her to get her current life goals met so that she can take care of the child later. She needs to raise her own child, but she needs emotional, financial and sometimes physical help.
2007-02-07 21:06:29 · answer #5 · answered by steelypen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to be responsible for herself and for her child. she made the "adult" decision to have this baby and now she needs to get her act together. I know it's a hard thing to do, but you need to back off and let her take some responsibility for her life and her little one.
She KNOWS where her resources are (Drs, WIC, etc.) If she chooses not to avail herself of them, that's her choice to make. You can assure her you love her, and will help her from time to time, if she's unsure of a resource work WITH her to find it--but don't do it for her.
Again, I KNOW it's hard for you as a mom and grandma to do--but as long as you continue to enable her, she will never have a reason to stand on her own two feet.
2007-02-07 22:21:49 · answer #6 · answered by mizicepickle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No to renting the apartment. You are more help supporting her efforts to finish school. Urge her to not become dependent of the "free" things like Medicaid cab rides. They are only free to her. Taxpayer foot the bill. Help her to become dependent but be sure she has the tools (education) to do that. Don't do everything for her. I don't anything wrong with you driving her to Dr. appts. Does she take care of the baby when she is not in school? What about the babies dad? What is he doing?
2007-02-07 21:09:08 · answer #7 · answered by van 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing her no favors by holding her hand. She is a mom and needs to act like one. She needs to be looking our for her child. School and doctors appointments should be things she is self motivated to do. You should not have push her. My mother was 16 when she had me. She worked 2 jobs and finished high school at night to provide for me and my brother.
Your daughter has chosen a hard life by getting pregnant so young. She needs to grow up fast.
Help her when she needs it, but make sure she understands this is her responsibility and not yours.
Good Luck
2007-02-07 21:07:44 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i'm there now. and yes you are doing to much. i am to. iwatch my granddaughter in the afternoon and on the weekends while my daughter works. this has been going on for 4 yrs. and she is expecting a 2nd child the end of feb. she will be 28 in mar. if we don't help then what will happen to our grandchildren? my husband is excited about the little guy being here this month but i am so mad that i could bite the heads of nails. she can't afford a second child so it is left up to us(me) to help. so you do what you feel is right for your grandchild. good luck.
2007-02-07 21:09:33 · answer #9 · answered by lynnie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes; she's been making adult decisions and had a baby and didn't have the kindness to let it be adopted by an infertile couple who have been waiting for years. She won't take the bus or taxi to fulfill her obligations.
Make arrangements for her to move out as soon as possible. She needs to grow up fast.
2007-02-07 21:09:04 · answer #10 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋