what should i do?

Question

every night these little creatures fly into my room through the vents. they call themselves fairies, and in case you're wondering i already asked them if by "fairies" they meant "gays," and they said "no, those are a different fairies." there's usually two of them and they always argue with me about politics and stuff. i made what i thought was a really good point about immigration and the green fairy went nuts on me. he really didn't like where i was coming from. he threatened to haunt me day and night if i didn't steal an old lady's purse and bring it to him. i thought he was kidding at first, you know just caught up in the heat of the moment. so i didn't steal any old lady's purse, and he came back that night asking for it and i told him i didn't have it. he told he was dead serious, that he would make my life a living hell if i didn't have it for him tonight. what should i do? i don't want to go to jail, but i don't want to be bothered by a dam fairy my whole life, either

Answer 1

First off , these two are not fairies, they are imps, disguising themselves as fairies, and they are here in the "Outer" world for two weeks of "pranking". Some how they have passed through the veil from the world of magic to this world which they normally could never do on their own, perhaps they rode in on the tail of a Sorcers spell or they snuck in under a Wizards beard, - but they are here now, and they have a fortnight to raise mischief, but they are forbidden from physicaly hurting anyone, and they are forbidden from having anything to do with children. (In centuries past imps - aligned with trolls made their living kidnapping children of the outer world and then selling them - back in the magic kingdoms on the other side - But No More. Not since Dalia, the daughter of Hercules and Fontana, Queen of the Golden Forest, was taken by the imps and sold to the Orks who live below middle earth, in the depths of the caves of Sernamma, where she was never to be seen again.

Just for your edification, in case this ever should come up again. Imps can fly - as you have seen - and they usually take the form of what we humans would think of as faries - with butterfly-like wings,"spock"-like ears, and gossamer draped capes & gowns, long stockings - the tinkerbell look if you will. In truth imps are shape shifters, they can basically take on the shape of any small creature they encounter as they wish. They generally reveal themselves to humans in the form of tiny if not slightly deformed little old (ugly) men, that can fly - but with leather like bat wings. They have an unpleasant odor - like Sh!t from the sick ward of a nursing home.

They are basically mean, treacherous little beasts. When they take the shape of something, there is always some thing that is "off" about the transformation - in the case of the Fairies - they gave themselves away by being colored - (green), Fairies have skin tones like caucasions.. Sometimes they have spots, speckles, stripes, or some other inappropriate physical abnormality, that gives them away.

So, they have 14 days and then they must return to the other side, - it sounds like they have been around lfor a while so if you can hold them off for a while longer you should be off the hook, (as they can never return to the same place again - or have dealings with the same humans again - (This prevents forbidden alliances).. Now a few things to warn you about Imps:

1. Never accept a gift from an Imp. by doing so you become his "Property", and when he goes back - you will / must go back with him, as his servant - forever - and imps are hellish and cruel taskmasters, and sadistic Lords.

2. Never offer an Imp Food or Drink. To do so implies a pact between you both. The Problem is you do not know what that the pact is, or what you've "agreed to"., - but trust me - it isn't anything good - and it's binding.

3. From now until these two leave you must carry sea salt in your pockets, and sew some in a pouch and wear it round your neck and never be without it . This charm will protect you from their evil and their spells and keep you safe.

4. On the bright side their is one thing you can do to an imp that they absolutely hate, and which they absolutely can not refuse, and musr infact, ask for more! Milk! That's right milk - they hate it! It curdles in their mouth, but they must swallow it, and they must drink all that is offered, and all that is given, - even if they disgorge that which they have already drank. I thought that I would perish of laughter the first time I saw an Imp forcing himself to drink tankard after tankard of milk, until he vomited what looked like a small river of cottage cheese, and his viscious tormentor bade him continue drinking more milk, revenge in this case - may not have been sweet - but it was none the less "good for you".

So hang in there, Try not to give them any information about you or your family. I've heard that they can not abide cats. So If you can - "Borrow" a cat for a ferw days, and keep it by your side, - perhaps this will keep your creepy little buddies at bay. Good luck.

I'm pulling for you.

Answer 2

Do not steal a purse for them. They are trying to recruit you into a gang, if you take a purse you will be a full fledged gang member.

Perhaps the next time they fly threw the vent you should rip off there limbs one by one and eat them like chicken wings.

That should solve the problem once and for all.

Answer 3

Ah..You did not do anything,nor did they. Only thing wrong here was your reaction. You took it personally . When it was not meant to be so. They simply did not want to go out atm,they wanted to do just as they told you,and you did not get it,you pressured them,and made them feel uncomfortable. You should have just gave them a hug,and let it be,let them know I am here if you need to talk see you later. If the behavior continued then you would know there was something wrong and yous need to talk about it.

Answer 4

use one fairy against the other one and when they start wrestling have a jelly pool on stand by, invite all your friends and make money from the show

Answer 5

ok.. i hope this is a story related to somthing.. otherwise i think your crazy. but do what you think is right. get somone to stay with you. call the police and tell them whats going on. just dont steal the ladies purse! do the right thing!!

Answer 6

Stomp on the damn things, they can't be that big. Or get a fly swatter and show them who's the boss. And I ain't talking Tony Danza, Brother!

Answer 7

Press them in a book! Collect them! Trade them with friends!

Answer 8

i dont think u r crazy but u need to go to sleep with a gun and shoot the green fairy

Answer 9

Sounds like you are schizophrenic. Are you? If you were on meds and stopped taking them, start taking them right now.

Answer 10

lay off the hash pipe. oh... and get yourself a padded room and professional psychiatric help.