about adoptions?

Question

Ok i have read so many questions on abortions, and everyone keeps saying adoption is always a second choice instead of aborting. How many ppl were given up for adoption here? Do feel unjust b/c your parent gave you up? What about children that were put up for adoption b/c the mother was raped or sexually abused, how many of you were told by your birth mother that is what happened? How did you feel? I know this is a series of questions and i'm about to add comments. I feel that some mother don't want to put their children up for adoption, for the reason b/c they don't want their children coming and finding them 18 years later and saying why. why did you do this to me? and you have kids and are happy with your family and the one you gave up is here and demanding answers? how would you feel about that? would you tell your child the truth.. that you were raped and society was making it bad for getting an abortion.. just wondering b/c this bothers me that ppl keep thinking its murder to put

to get an abortion... some mothers who are forced to keep their child instead of aborting... are the ones that are out their phsyically abusing and sexually abusing and even mentally abusing the children then did have. Why put a child who didn't ask to come into this world through all of that???? why put a child up for adoption and then when they find you make them feel like crap b/c you have a happy family and had put them up for other reasons. Whether they had a loving couple take care of them or not. Birth control is 99% effective, condoms are 99% effective. My first child, i was on the pill, took it everyday.. slept with my boyfriend (now husband) and he wore a condom.. and i still got pregnant.. explain that one.. their are circumstances out there.. i just hate how alot of ppl are pro life.. what about that life you want the mothers to keep.. who are going to protect them when the mother doesn't want them????????

don't get me wrong.. i am for putting children up for adoptions also.. i'm just saying that i'm tired of ppl using that as an excuse for not aborting... not every single mother or teen is going to put their baby up for adoption... not everyone wants to go through all of that paperwork and then actually handing that child over when the time comes... i'm saying why do ppl say that as an excuse to abortions.... i know their are loving parents out their that can't conceive and would love to adopt your baby and give them all the love and joy in their life.. but afterwords when that child wants to find their birth parents.. and find out why they were put up for adoption... most ppl are curious and when they find out wouldn't they be devastated to know why??? Sorry but I truly am for putting children up for adoption if you can't care for them... and my best friend was put up for adoption b/c her mother was raped.. and when she found out her mom didn't want her she was depressed fora long time

I am not thinking about abortion for my child or putting my child up for adoption.. i had my son and even though he died in labor... i didn't regret having him.. i have another son and am pregnant with a beautiful daughter.. i guess ppl are not understanding where i am coming from right now... i just read an abortion question and it made me mad on all accounts and I am asking.. those ppl who were adopted and found out b/c it was their mother was raped or sexually abused or incest... how did they feel about it when they found out b/c like i said earlier.. my best friend was put up for adoption found out her mother was raped and didn't want her.. she was severly depressed and wanted to commist suicide b/c she thought she had some disease.... some ppl think that way and she had loving adopted parents that would do anything for her.. but to find out why almost killed her... that is why i am asking this...

Answer 1

I was put up for adoption, either because my bio-mom was raped or just didn't feel like having kids. She had a college degree and a good paying job. And I do not feel like what she did was wrong. I love being adopted, my adoptive family is absolutely wonderful, they are my fave people in the world... I was three days old when I was adopted.

I do have slight "abandonment" issues, but they are subconscious and I have worked through them now. It just meant that I didn't like to leave my parents for long periods of time, and I thought that my husband was going to leave me when I was dating for the first year.

Answer 2

Wow, long question.......Anyhow, I think you need to change your way of thinking here. Look at adoption as an "option", that option is the birthmothers, and no one elses in certain situations. Would it be difficult to find out you were conceived by rape? Of course! It's difficult enough to find out that you were adopted, however, I feel the more "open" the situation is, and the more communication there is within the family, the better off most adopted individuals are. It's a life process, which means, if it were me, I would enlist my adopted child in programs where his/her peers were adopted as well. By feeling a "part of a group" where you know others know what you are going through is a powerful thing.

Would I tell my child that they were conceived by rape? That depends. If the adoption is "open" that means that the birthmother and the adoptive family exchange information with each other or through and agency or attorney. If this is the case, then there is a chance that the child will find out eventually when they are an adult and want answers. The point here is that most adoptive couples want to be PARENTS. To be providers, protectors and nurturers. Most will tell you that they love their child as much or more so than if they had given birth. Most have been counseled so that they know what to say when questions pop up. Most would do anything and beyond for the welfare of their adopted child.

Lastly, put yourself in this position.....your life, your kids, your job, your experiences............If YOU were adopted and the result of rape, would you still appreciate the life you have today? Or would you rather not be here on earth at all............I think the answer is quite simple when you put it in the right perspective.

Answer 3

I was adopted, and I have never felt slighted.

My birth parents cared enough about me to realize they couldn't offer as much as I deserved. That's love right there. I have never felt slighted at all. I have never had less love or less attention.

I have TWO sets of parents who love me, and the fact that I was chosen by my parents makes it even more special to me. I am religious, and I'm one to believe that it was God's will for me to have the parents I do now.

Of course I've had questions, but who doesn't? I can't know my birth parents due to a closed adoption, but I feel like the answers will come when I need them.

I was ALWAYS told that I was adopted.

As a mother, I can understand why women have abortions. As a woman who had a surprise pregnancy at a young age, I can understand the panic and terror of being pregnant! Abortion isn't for everyone, but giving birth is tough. I am all for women's rights as a result.

Answer 4

Well I don't know what the reason is that you don't want this baby, but I think that adoption is best. Because think about all the women out there that want children so badly, but can't have them, adoption is for them, and your child could be the perfect one for them. It's not just about you and whether you don't want to have to explain why you gave him/her up for adoption, I don't think there is ever a reason to have an abortion because we do have the option of giving it to someone who can't have one of their own.