What is the nastiest joke you ever heard?

Answer 1

oboii teenagers rock at this!!!! i cant post the worst 1s or ill be violating the rules or watever, but herez sum semi appropriate 1z.

a mother and daughter go to the zoo. 2 monkeys r having sex.
"mommy, wat r the monkeys doing?"
"uhhh.....they're making cake!"

2 people on a tv show r making out.
"mommy what r they doing?"
"uhhh...probably making cake too."

mom sends daughter to bed, and boyfriend comes over. one thing leads to another and soon, they're on the couch having sex. at about 4:00, they retire to bed to sleep.

daughter is thirsty. goes into the main area.
"hmmm...." ....

10:00 that morning, mom and daughter are eating breakfast together.
"mommy, were u and bobby making cake last night?"
""uhhhhhhhhh...yeah. wait, how do you know??"
"cuz i licked the icing off the couch!!!!!!!!!"

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!



There is a king who has 3 daughters [princesses]. they were all beautiful, and all the men of the kingdom wanted to marry them. the king chose 4 men, but nfound that he couldn't decide who to choose. he thought of a solution. he put glitter all over the genitals of the princesses, but didnot tell the bachelors this. he decided that whoever had not given in to temptation would have a daughter for himself. he locked all 6 of them [men adn princesses] in the tower. the next morning he returned, demanding to inspect the men's genitals for clear evidence. the forst man was inspected and was found to have the glitter smeared all over his genitals. the second man was also found to have the glitter all over his genitals. the third man however did not have ANY glitter on his genitals. the king praised this man, and went to shake this respectable man's hand. as he smiled, the man smiled back, and the king saw to his disgust that there was glitter smeared all over the man's teeth, tongue, and throat!

EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

ok those r the only semi APPROPRIATE 1s that i noe, so yea.

Answer 2

A salesman is at the hotel bar having a drink when a beautiful young woman comes in and sits the the other end of the bar. He calls the bartender over and tells him to give the young lady whatever she wanted to drink with his compliments. The bartender serves the woman and she turns to the salesman and mouthes the words, thank you. He figured nothing ventured nothing lost, so he goes over to the woman and introduces himself. She invites him to sit and they have a couple of drinks and a long intimate conversation. During the conversation he reaches down and begins to caress her thigh. She is very receptive to his advances and even opens her legs slightly to permit greater access. The salesman suggests that they retire to his room for drinks. He manuevers her into bed where he engages in prolonged foreplay kissing the upper inside of her thighs as she writhes on the bed in esctasy. He mounts and penetrates her and strokes her a couple of times. He can't believe what happened, it's the worst experience of his life, so dry, scratchy and uncomfortable. He voices his feeling to the woman and she appoligizes and excuses herself while she goes the bathroom to take care of the problem. The salesman hears her squeals through the door. She returns a bit later and tells him to try it again. He remounts her and strokes her a few times, what a difference, like night and day, so warm, so wet, so slick. He lets her know that she is now, by far, the best he's ever had, "what did you in the barhroom?", he asked. "Oh", she said, "I just ripped off the scabs and that's just the puss that you are sliding around on".

Answer 3

The nastiest joke I ever heard was right now, reading cua's answer!!!

Answer 4

EW, CUA'S!

There are these two guys from Kentucky sitting on a porch and they are bored, i mean bored.
So the one says to the other, " Hey earl, you wanna play a game?
Earl says," well, yea i reckin i’d like to play a game."
The one says," alright i learned this joke in town the other day it’s called 20 question and now you ask me 20 question and i think of something real hard and you try to guess it from the 20 yes or no questions.
Earl says," Alright i reckin that sounds like a fine game to play.
"Alright let me think of something real hard." (ok, i got something he never guess, Mule Dick.) "Alright Earl whenever you are ready you jus start asking away"
Earl says,"alright, alright, ok can you grab it?"
"Well, i guess you could grab it, i mean all the time if you wanted."
Earl says," ok, ok, can you eat it?"
"Well, ****, yea i mean if you were crazy enoug...."IT ain’t Mule Dick is it"

Answer 5

There was three vampires - one day they went go to a bar and one asked for a cold cup of blood, the second asked for the same thing, then the third asked for a cup of hot water. "Hot water" the bar tender replies, yes said the vampire, he gets the hot water and he pulls out a tampon and says is "Tea Time."

Answer 6

Q: Why do blonds have TGIF on their bras?
A: **** go in front.

Q: How do you know when a blond has been on the computer?
A: The joy stick's wet.

Answer 7

the nasiest joke i have ever hear so far is WHAT DOES A MICROWAVE AND A ASSHOLE HAVE IN COMMON GIVE UP THEY BOTH BROWN THE MEAT

Answer 8

eeewwwww i think the one guy thats talking aboutt the vampires won

Answer 9

well if i told you i might get violated... so it would be in my best interest to not post it

Answer 10

the one cua said, I don't have one