Paddy, the Irishman dies in a fire but, since he is very badly burnt, the police need help to double-check the identity of the body. Paddy's two best friends, Michael and Sean, are sent for. Paddy's face has been burnt away, so Michael and Sean ask the mortician to turn the body over. "No, that's not him," says michael when he sees the corpse's backside.
"He's right, it definately could not be Paddy," says Sean.
"Are you certain?" says the mortician. "We have good reason to believe this is Paddy."
"It can't be, says michael. Paddy had two ar*eholes."
"How do you know that?" asks the mortician.
"Because," says Sean. "Whenever me, Paddy and Michael went into town everyone would say, "Hey look, there's Paddy with the two ar*eholes." :)
2007-02-07 11:07:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
** poppy vox!....you're in the jokes section...why bothrt reading them if you can't see the funny side :)
NEO - I haven't a problem with the joke either and I come from Ireland. :D
2007-02-07 11:22:04 · update #1
Love it, Fidgety (Or may I call you Fidge?)
-Another Paddy!
Grow a brain, Poppy Vox!
2007-02-07 17:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Paddy the Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, 'what'll you have?' The man says, 'Give me three pints of Guinness please.' So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, 'Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one.' The man says, 'You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together. The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, 'I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died.' The man said, 'Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking.' Or how about this joke. Paddy English Man , Paddy Irish Man and Paddy Scots Man were in a playground. A man at the slide said that the slide was magic.Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman believed him.Paddy Scotsman didn't. The man at the slide said that whatever you say going down the slide is what you will land in. Paddy Englishman went down the slide and said: "Gold", and landed in gold. Paddy Irishman went down and said:Silver, and landed in silver. As Paddy Scotsman didn't believe him he went down and said:weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!and landed in a pot of wee.
2016-05-24 04:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by Susan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The variation is, that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown decide they should make it up with the country people(after the foxhunting bill etc). Accordingly, they dress up in Barbour jackets and wellies and as a further disguise, borrow a Labrador dog ,they go into a country pub.
Tony: " landlord, pour us two of your best bitter"
Tony winks at Gordon and says "we're in"
Whilst they are standing at the bar, a succession of people come through and lift the Labrador's tail.
Somewhat discomfited, Tony calls the landlord over and asks what is going on.
Landlord; " It's just that someone in the snug is telling the regulars that there is a Labrador in the bar with two arseholes"
2007-02-07 17:34:50 · answer #3 · answered by busterdomino 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Prior to Paddy's sad demise both he and Michael went for a job. Paddy went in for the interview first and was asked what would happen if he lost one eye. To which he replied "I'd be half blind sur".
Very good the interviewer said and what would happen if you lost the other one? "I'd be totally blind" says Paddy. "Very good, Paddy, shoiw up at the site in the morning". Paddy left and on the way out he says to Mick " the answers are half blind and totally blind. remember that". Mick goes in and is immediately asked ; " Mick what would happen if I cut off one of your ears"? to which Mick replied "I'd be half blind ,sur". The interviewer said "Hmmm, OK Mick so what would happen if I cut off the other one?" Without hesitation Mick said "I'd be totally blind, sur." Slightly amused the interviewer asked "How would that be Mick?" Bemused by the stupidity of the interviewer Mick replied, "sure I'd have nothing to hold me cap up, sur".
2007-02-07 23:02:08 · answer #4 · answered by stumpy0211 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats good names for paddys mates fingers 10/10
2007-02-07 22:39:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it the best ive heard today any more i will keep posted to see im a good old irish lass and i love your joke come on ireland and we won the football tonight come on the boys in green
2007-02-07 11:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by smiley 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny^^
2007-02-07 11:52:48 · answer #7 · answered by JoanH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good.Makes me wonder what people may say about me and my two mates both named Richard !
2007-02-07 11:52:54 · answer #8 · answered by Whistler R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This one is brilliant, I've read quite a few of yours now, your jokes are good!
2007-02-07 18:26:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very Very Funny well done.
2007-02-07 21:07:32 · answer #10 · answered by Because I Said So 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋